Originally Posted by lady who looks average

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?
Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.
First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.
Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way.
“What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.”
What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.
To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.
It works like this:
“Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation.”
Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.
Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.
The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.

Originally Posted by Flasch186 (Post 1757681)

ACTING!....until youve sold it to yourself.

Originally Posted by Chief Rum (Post 1757721)

Yup, I agree with all this. I am currently single and happy as heck. My family calls me the self-affirming bachelor. :)

I enjoy my spare time, which is fleeting, and my money, which is not much, and frankly, a relationship cuts deeply into both. So it's really easy for me to appear disinterested. Because I am. A girl has to really knock my socks off to get my attention. ;)

Originally Posted by molson (Post 1757954)

You're much better off being yourself and single than trying to act a certain way for some broad.

But when you're being yourself, and the opportunity arises...don't blow it.

Originally Posted by molson (Post 1757954)

You're much better off being yourself and single than trying to act a certain way for some broad.

Originally Posted by molson (Post 1757954)

act a certain way for some broad.

But when you're being yourself, and the opportunity arises...don't blow it.

Originally Posted by Flasch186 (Post 1757992)

You should "act" a certain way for yourself (as I said above but maybe it was missed)...it's the only way it works (you have to focus on you) and then sooner or later the loneliness (that I said the audience would be) would go away without a woman first. The woman would come along because she wants to be a part of the self-assured confident you...

Originally Posted by Tigercat (Post 1758025)

So basically you are saying that one should complete oneself before worrying about something else? No kidding! There are plenty of people IN relationships that could use the same suggestion.

Originally Posted by Galaxy (Post 1758004)

This girl calls herself hot?

Originally Posted by Flasch186 (Post 1757754)

an acquaintance.

Originally Posted by Cork (Post 1758068)

So would a plain looking but self confident guy get the gal over a "nice" attractive guy?

-Cork

Originally Posted by Cork (Post 1758068)

So would a plain looking but self confident guy get the gal over a "nice" attractive guy?

-Cork

Originally Posted by Flasch186 (Post 1758156)

Ive seen this a bunch! How many times have I said, "WTF is she doing with that guy?!" to myself of course.

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos (Post 1758207)

"Nice" is not the right word for it though. Being nice doesn't really equate to the undesirable attitude that the article is pertaining to.

Pushover would be a better word.

Originally Posted by Ronnie Dobbs2 (Post 1758238)

Personally, I'd rather be myself and be confident in that and get a woman that responds to me than have to play games. Those women are out there, though perhaps fewer and further between. Perhaps this is why I don't date the same quantity of girls that other men my age do but am generally happier in my relationships than others as well.

Originally Posted by article

Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation.

Originally Posted by Chief Rum (Post 1757721)

Yup, I agree with all this. I am currently single and happy as heck. My family calls me the self-affirming bachelor. :)

I enjoy my spare time, which is fleeting, and my money, which is not much, and frankly, a relationship cuts deeply into both. So it's really easy for me to appear disinterested. Because I am. A girl has to really knock my socks off to get my attention. ;)

Originally Posted by Chief Rum (Post 1757721)

Yup, I agree with all this. I am currently single and happy as heck. My family calls me the self-affirming bachelor. :)

I enjoy my spare time, which is fleeting...

Originally Posted by bsak16 (Post 1758445)

I've also run into the problem with girls (the past few that I've dated) is that they like to play a game like they seem like they are busier than they are? The last girl I'd ask her to do something , spur of the moment so I understand if she is busy, and she'd say how she has to get back to me. Then would wait till 9pm or later to say she was busy. Or another time I'd ask her what her plans were for the weekend and she'd say she was busy, and didn't offer any ideas on when to meet up. Usually I take the hint that the dating was over, but I'd still get calls and texts saying "just thinking about you and wanted to say hi."

After a few times of this I've gotten to the point where I tell them "Obviously you have a much busier life than I do, so why don't you call me when you are free and we can make plans." Which comes off as a dick on my part but at that junction I don't really care.

Maybe I am way off base here, but if I am interested in someone, I'd shift some plans to hang out with her and I'd expect the same in return.

Originally Posted by panerd (Post 1758643)

I take it this article pertains to beginning dating? Because every time I am disinterested or blow off my girlfriend I end up in the doghouse and have to be nice to win her back over.

Originally Posted by Danny (Post 1758754)

And even nice guys who respect women need to let them know how much they want to make love to them.

Originally Posted by Ronnie Dobbs2 (Post 1758238)

Personally, I'd rather be myself and be confident in that and get a woman that responds to me than have to play games. Those women are out there, though perhaps fewer and further between. Perhaps this is why I don't date the same quantity of girls that other men my age do but am generally happier in my relationships than others as well.