So it's time for a vasectomy......
 

I'm done having kids. Any advice from anyone who might have previously sat on a bag of frozen peas for two days?

Use a condom, keep your nuts.

I would disagree wholeheartedly with this statement. Life is far better without those awful things or the wife on pills.

That said, it was the third most painful experience of my life. The first two being living with newborns #1 and #2.

EDIT: No real advice to give, you just have to grin and bear it. There is an upside though - you're on the shelf for about a week, but in the 4-6 weeks after that, you need to do the deed almost constantly to clean the pipes. The Dr. actually brought my wife in and lectured her on this point. I tried to bribe him to tell her it was 12 weeks, but his professional ethics won out.

After 4 kids i wound up going in and having the old snip snip. I really did not have any issues and was back up at work the next day.

This thread is not for me, I'm single. :D

I had no problems except my balls blowing up to nerfball size the first night. Icing your nuts = no fun.

But as Samdari pointed out, you've got a great stretch ahead of you after the initial layup.

No issues for me, just follow Dr.'s orders about time off, ice, etc. I was fine after day 2.

One of the best decisions I ever made. Healed and back to work within 48 hours.

I only had a bit of swelling, but was pretty proactive with the ice.

But never having to use condoms again (or worry that your wife messed up her pills) = awesome.

Hells, yeah.

Best decision for me too. Condom-free sex without the worry of diseases or accidental impregnation? Damn straight.

Definitely don't overexert for a few days. I was instructed to wear a jock for extra support for the first few days after. Do what they tell you to avoid infection -- other than that and the blood-chilling knowledge that a whole team is surgically working on your nutsack, no big deal.

Mine wasn't too bad, just make sure the doctor removes the tape carefully....:eek:

(or you could do a no-needle vasectomy....)

Man, this thread is nuts.

If you're married, your wife already has those.

General, not a local anasthetic. And yeah, it's painful for a few days and uncomfortable for a few more, but after a couple of weeks you won't even be able to tell you had someone slice open your nutsack.

Lets not get testy now...

Jeez, I hope nobody walks past my cubicle to see me grimacing and covering my balls. This thread is brutal.

I assumed it was only a matter of time before Pumpy chimed it. He says the thread is brutal, but at some level, he loves it.

My wife volunteered to get an IUD. I did not argue. :p

Hmm... could she want to avoid getting pregnant... by someone else?

"When you're talking about a vasectomy, I hope your writing down your obituary"

Dola-
In all seriousness wife had a tubal after #2...I tell her all the time she is done having kids, I am a maybe

I thought about getting one as a single guy, but why load a gun with blanks if you're going to leave it locked up?

I still think it would be fun to play the "it ain't mine" game and have the deck stacked in my favor.

Whatever happened to just pulling out and blowing it on her face?

Beauty.:lol:

I think she packed them up when she left me.

You can still do that after the vasectomy. In fact, if your girlfriend/spouse is weight conscious, you can note that the calorie count is actually lower sans sperm if she were to digest it.

Consider that your 'learned something new today' moment.

I was out for a month and had to have another surgery after my vasectomy. Good luck.

It is all worth it in the end.

Your wife should be getting her tubes tied. You guys are all whipped.

I'm already sterile. :(

Turn that frown upside down, pal... you're off the hook!

lol, i say the same thing

It's the gentlemanly thing to do, anything else would be uncivilized .

I'm very thankful for my (step) daughter, but I would like to see little Schmidtys running around....

It's the cruel way of the world. Those who don't want kids are baby factories, those who do... not so much.

I guess there's no chance of doing the invitro thing? That's what my sister & her husband did. He kept saying it was her until he had to get tested & they found out his fish weren't swimming... then it was the changing of the undies, etc.

It was quick and painless and I was only down for 48 hours.


HOWEVER...child #3 was born 2 years after the Vasectomy.....He is mine there is no doubt but the first words out of my mouth when she told me she was pregnant..."Is it mine" and I was promptly slapped and when I woke up 2 days later I called the doctor and took a few tests that confirmed my boys were still working.

I would have asked the same thing because you were under the assumption your boys weren't suppose to be swimming.

Yeah, that MacroSlap was unwarranted; legitimate question when you think you're no longer packing heat.

fixed

umm... i probably shouldn't be in here

I think you are on to something.

You get a refund?

They offered to go double or nothing...

Hey-oh!!!!

Thanks! :D

Did you get the follow-up done? I guess you are supposed to have two follow-ups, I had my first with no fish swimming. Never bothered with the second one. Your story has me worried now....:eek:

Actually the Doc paid for the entire child birth above and beyond everything that truly needed to be taken care of, and yes I did have to go through it again to ensure they are no longer swimming....

yeah I had the first one done, they weren't swimming never went to the second...I don't think the second would have caught what happened....For me, I truly feel he was meant to be, my body healed itself to be able to produce him and he is truly my little guy.

Thats some Jurassic Park shit.

Life finds a way.

Oh wow. That's cool he took care of the tab. I tell you what, your reaction would be the same as mine if I found out that my wife was pregnant after the procedure. :D

I'm going to be seeing my doctor about getting the big "V" in the next month or so. Two days of inconvenience for a lifetime of condomless sex is well worth it, IMO.

Now, my wife's breast reduction surgery next month is what I'm going to be crying about for weeks, maybe months.

Life just isn't fair sometimes.

Funny song might fit this thread :D

So how in the hell can it actually 'reconnect' for lack of a better word? Do I have to tell him to tie a triple knot or something? Good lord.

No.....No. You're fine. You might come in handy for the next 4-6 weeks. :D

breast reduction? shouldnt that be a crime? at the very least are they going to make them "18 year old perky"?

Pics plz. K. Thx.

I suppose I could try the tried and true Charlie Harper method from Two and Half Men..."without your big boobs guys are going to stare at your big ass instead..."

Oh, and Lathum, we all know boobie pictures always get deleted around here...so it's just not worth the effort. Sorry. ;)

Worst thread title ever!

Like any part of your body that gets cut, it tries to heal.

My Dr. told me 1 in 400 do that.

I bet we could raise a fortune for Haiti if we auctioned off the chance to give MBBF the vasectomy.

I lost this bet. I thought this post would come before the first page ended. I'm disappointed with you all.

If your wife had a C-Section on the 2nd baby, and y'all declined the opportunity for him to take care of her "While he was in there," then you deserve the nut pain associated with not making good decisions. :)

My wife (soon to be ex) had breast reduction surgery and she was miserable for a couple of weeks after. They went from something like an F or an H, can't remember which, down to a D. I had the honor of draining her drain cups every few hours and writing down how much fluid was in them.

Ah, the things you do for love...

Kicking her out for getting boob work done...man, that's ballsy. ;)

If my girl had "F" sized boobs, well, I'd say "F" that.

THERE ARE LIMITS MAN...

Honey, there's less of you to love.

Haha! Gotta have standards.

No.

:nono:

My mom had an IUD when she became pregnant with me. For your sake I hope IUD technology has improved over the past 33 years...

I need to make an appointment for the same, so good to see this on here. I've been wondering and don't know anyone who's had the procedure. Two days for no more worries, scheduling, condoms ... sounds good to me.

Mine's scheduled for February 26th.

One day left. My naughty parts shiver in fear of the snipping to come. If you hear a scream of death about 2:30 PM tomorrow, you'll know the source.

I just got my big ol' Valium pill from the pharmacy yesterday. Should be interesting to see what that does to me.

yikes!

Nah. Regardless of the amount of partisanship and asshattery in other threads by both sides I don't think anybody here bears that much ill will.

I'm getting a bit more nervous as the time approaches. I'm 35 and this is the first surgery/incision that I've ever had (what a way to begin). Only issue previously was getting 4 stiches for a cut.

really? damn.

you'll be fine. the surgeon does how many of these a year? it's pretty routine at this point (although it is your junk, so it's totally understandable that you're nervous).

My father-in-law is a doctor at the hospital and has been friends for years with the guy doing my procedure. He said "he's good" and "he really knows what he's doing". Considering what we're dealing with here, I'm not sure how to take those comments.

He is saying the guy knows how to castrate a calf and keep your head up!


...You will be ok...my doc gave me a valium to take before the surgery so I went in just fine and not nervous.

Ugh, did you have to say a calf? My thoughts immediately flashed to a Bizarre Foods episode where they were castrating the calves. Let's just say the calves didn't have the benefit of a Valium or a small snip.

But in line with the title of the show, they did make a meal out of it all.

It's really no big deal, except when you ask them if they're done and they tell you that they're just finishing up the first one. That's brutal.

Did I mention that when I got mine done, the doc forgot to give me the second shot (topical anesthetic - supposed to be a shot on each side) before cutting into my bag?

Yeah, it hurt.

I did one of those hissing intakes of breath and the doc knew immediately what he'd done. He was like. "Wow. Sorry about that. Haven't done that in years."

He spent the whole procedure talking to me about his daughter who had just started playing tennis at the university where I work. It's weird having a guy talking to you about his daughter while he's cutting into your sack with a scalpel. Very instructional. I decided that if I ever had daughters of dating age, I'd do the same thing with their boyfriends. Keep their minds focused on important stuff, if you know what I mean.

Er, I probably should have saved that story for tomorrow.

You'll be good. With the proper anesthetics applied, there really isn't a lot of pain. The worst part in my opinion might be the really cold iodine kind of stuff they apply -- and then realizing that the medical team is staring at your shrunken goods.

Valium?

You sir, are an enormous pussy.

/agree

Oh, it's worth mentioning:

The doc who did mine was a friend of the family and a bit of a jokester. As I'm laying on the table, knowing it's "game on" any minute, he approaches from the far side of the room and asks in a very calm, reassuring voice, "OK, are you ready?"

As I nod "yes," I look down and realize he's holding a bolt cutter that's about two feet long. There apparently was a half-second of horror on my face before I realized he was joking. Everyone laughed, including me, and I was in a much better place to have him slice into my ball bag.

Be sure and savor the smell of the cauterizing! Mmmmmmm......burnt vascules.

*whimper*

The day of judgment has arrived. I don't want to catch any of you fools giggling, you hear me?!?!?!

Yeah, I almost got that myself. I was able to stop him before he actually cut anything though.

It's SOP for this...keeps the nerves down...avoids any inappropiate flinches from you when you feel the tugging.

Interesting. Think I could get one retroactively then?

If you have any male pets, I'm certain they're laughing their heads off right now. :p

SackAttack has the best screen name for this thread.

Hmm. I don't remember any Valium. DAMMIT!

Which is why I had largely stayed out of it. But...I couldn't resist that one. :D

Well, I survived. Honestly, going to a doctor who had done roughly 3,000 of them before was a fantastic idea. Other than the initial needle to inject the anesthetic, didn't feel a thing. I'm sore today in the area above, but it's a dull pain and I was still able to take a shower and walk around a bit. The worry before the procedure was far worse than the procedure and the aftermath.

Dude, your balls must HATE you.