What to do for a broken heart?
 

Guys I don't post here often but have lurked since the EA fof days. I always read the forum every day and see you guys as usually being worldly and possessing great wisdom. I know this isn't an advice forum but You guys are always supportive of others. I'm 27 years old had a great girl thought everything was fine and then bam out of nowhere get a text last night basically saying we're done. I was blindsided. I really loved her. Now she's waffling on it a bit and saying shes confused about life and wants to be less serious about things for a while and not sure if she loves me as a lover or best friend now. We seemed perfect together and I hold out hope that she'll miss me and realize what we have but who knows. I guess what I wanna know and ask is what makes it better? I'm hurting. I know there's no cure but any advice is appreciated! I'm really struggling with this thinking that the pweson I care about most could possibly not be in my life anymore. Thank you.

Sorry to hear, man.

Id try to get her to sit down and talk and get to the bottom of those feelings. See if someone else is on her mind or if she is just fearing "domestication"..

If its someone else cut bait and move on while its cheap to do. IF its just the fear of settling down try to give her breathing room and support.

If all else fails, drink til your liver hurts and smash a rebound piece... :D
J/K kinda

The quick phonecall I had with her she said no one else and I believe her she's a crappy liar when she does lie. She said that it was wanting to feel a little more independent for a while and figure out her life a little bit and that she knows were perfect for each other but is worried shes starting to love me more as a best friend than lover. She says she still wants to do stuff with me and be with me just isn't sure about things right now....so I dont know

The way I dealt with my biggest instance of heartbreak was to remind myself constantly that wasting time caring for someone who doesn't even know how they feel about you is pointless. For me, the realization that having some me time would be good helped. I spent a lot of time with friends, just living the single life, enjoying my freedom. There is something to be said for not having anyone to answer to.

To me, this says she is interested in someone else more than you and is having a hard time just coming out with it because she doesn't want to hurt you that bad. The worst part about that is that the games and the constant will she/won't she is going to be a lot worse than just cutting loose and finding someone who will appreciate you.

Best bet in my opinion is to sever ties completely and forget about her as a potential love interest. It's not worth the time and effort to try and hold on to someone like this and it'll most likely do a lot more harm than good to try and salvage. Her loss.

Also, if she just wants space or whatever, let her have it, see what happens. Just don't let it stop you from exploring any other avenues that may be available to you. You may surprise yourself by meeting someone better.

Busy busy busy, keep your mind occupied as best you can. It's your enemy right now afaic. Whatever will happen will almost certainly happen, I don't get a sense that there's anything you've done/not done so there's likely little you can do/undo.

Best of luck.

Thanks guys it helps a lot...I mean I put my cards on the table and she knows how I feel I'll see her a couple times and lay off and not text try to let her miss me and it'll either happen or it wont. I guess I just gotta leave the ball in her court now as tough as that is and what happens happens.

Hmm, let's see if I've learned anything from Captain Caveman at KSK.

Fuck that noise. If you are broken up, then you are broken up. You need to cut things off completely and get on with the healing process. That can't happen if she is dicking with your emotions by keeping you around on her terms as her fallback/security blanket.

Spend time on you. Hang out with your friends, do things that you like. Take the extra time to improve yourself in some way. Work out, take up a hobby, do some charity work. Put yourself in a good position for when you are ready to resume dating and better girls come along, which they will.

If I love her and she in a few days says she's figured it out and wants to be together I mean should I give it a shot?

Via text? If she can't even tell you to your face then she isn't worth it.

Been there, and although this isn't what you want to hear, there's nothing that makes it better except for time.

If you want my advice, try not to wallow in it too much. This is similar to Jon's advice, but get out with some friends who you trust. Try and have fun. You won't be having much fun, but fake it. Your friends will have your back. I would probably stay away from boozing it up with your friends though, as this could make the depression worse. Go bowling, play poker, do something which will keep your mind and/or body active.

Eventually, faking having fun will turn into actually having fun. I'm not going to cover whether or not you should be trying to win her back, because only you can decide. But a mopey depressed dude is completely unattractive. Which is another benefit of going out and living life well.

Like I said, this will be tough to do, but I know this advice has helped myself, and others I know.

Listen to yourself. Listen to your heart. If she does that and you FEEL its the right thing, then go fo rit.
But listen to these other guys. Dont moon over the loss. Get out and enjoy yourself. Trust me, if you dont and get back with her, you will be wondering about what ifs. Like What if she is just using me? What if she finds someone she loves more. What ifs are a bad thing.

Personally, if she wants back , I would tell her you want some time to think about it. This gives both of you a little space and time.
Wait a few days then respond to her. Dont let your feelings of need and security blind you. Its scary being single after a relationship. Maybe she isnt the ONE. Maybe she is. Time will tell.

And, really, what could break your heart more then being and Illini and Cub fan? Shoot Disappointment is bred into you. :)

True....haha I never thought I'd feel worse pain than game 5 of the nlcs in 2003!

Just seeing that you guys have been through it and that there's life after helps so much sometimes we just need a goal to shoot for. Basically I'm willing to see her again a time or two and see what happens but I'm not going to beg anymore or try to force it. If she comes back she does and if not well I'll find a way to survive. It's just I was so sure she was the one. I'll get through this and I thank you guys so much. I need to be more active around here

This. The only thing that really helps is time, doing happy stuff during the interim will get you there sooner.

That's the title of my album coming out next week. Or, I wish it was.

Shoot. I was engaged twice. I was WAY to immature for what I committed to. And it was probably better for the girls to leave me then marry me. So, time is a great thing in that sense. I was hurt by the 1st one. But only because I had moved 350 miles from home with her. But I survived. The 2nd one was a blessing. I wasnt ready and would have ruined her life. So, looking back on my experience, the breaj ups were a positive for all involved.

Then there was the girl that the other guy wanted. I was "dating" her and he wanted to. I told him to go for it. They ended up getting married. I sure wasnt ready for that. But she was. And I guess he was too.

II wasnt mature enough in my 20s to get married. it took a couple major life changes to figure it out and for me to grow up.

Dont think that this is the one. Unless she is.

I don't have any advice about whatever remains of the relationship, but if the times come that you are just moving forward, the formula is simple, time + stuff. Time is the easy one, that will go forward no matter what, and things do get better. Every second, you have more distance, and every second, you're in a better place, the occasional setback not withstanding. Throwing in some "stuff" makes the process go faster. Stuff can be anything - re-connecting with an old friend, a home improvement project, taking a trip - you just need to remember you are a valuable and productive person whose value is not tied to anyone in particular. Once you remind your soul of that, by doing lots of stuff, having all these new great and productive experiences even without her, the healing accelerates.

Haha I kind of am thinking of looking for a rebound piece tonight as I sit here drinking. I figure it will work or it doesn't and if we do get back together later this is my chance so maybe i should seize it

This would end it for me right now. My wife is my best friend and lover and I wouldn't marry anyone who isn't.

This won't help you, and she won't want to hear it, but moving from the passionate phase to the mature phase is part of a committed long-term relationship. It doesn't mean you don't fire up the passion from time to time, but you can't live forever in that state. Relationships change and develop over time and it can be scarey to pass from one phase to another.

Damn Illini, I'm very, very sorry. My worst case was when I dated a girl for 6 years (17-23) and, like you, she broke up with me via a voice message (the 2001 version of a text!). I'll tell you, it lingered a lot longer than I ever imagined it could. I threw myself fully into my friends and going out which, in the short term, felt good but honestly set me back work-wise. We went out drinking two nights a week until 2 or 3 am and two other nights a week we did strip clubs until the same time which, given that I typically had to be at work by 6 was brutal. This went on for about a year until I flamed out socially and professionally.

I think my biggest mistake in all of this was not taking time to be alone some and to date around a bit. I became the "fun friend" that never said no to going out which just kept me occupied. It's hard to think of right now, I'm sure, but do take some time just to do stuff solo and to casually date. I turned down several offers to date because I had plans with my friends and convinced myself that the loyalty there was more important.

Really, there's no great answer but those were my mistakes. Good luck Illini and sorry this had to happen.

Great point. There are times I would rather not be around my wife. She is my best friend and lover. But Im a dude that loves my me time. But i realize that I cant live in that state all the time. Maybe for a day, at most. And Im sure my wife gets sick of me. But being in a mature relationship, you plug through those low points and your relationship is better for it.

Maturity is an amazing thing.

Thanks guys you have improved my morale ten fold tonight.

their is someone else in the mix,move on asap,been their done that,the very best thing you can do is move on,about the time you stop caring will be the time she wants to come crawling back,let her come back on your terms,treat her like shit an bang as many other women as possible an generally don't give a fuck about her,works great,i speak from experience :)

Eh, for me, I believe that's a largely unreasonable standard to expect. Great to get it if it works out that way, not necessarily a requirement for marriage or even a successful marriage.

Hmm, that last phrase -- "successful marriage" -- is a pretty loaded one all by itself. Not sure this thread is the proper place to try to define it tbh, but the concept itself (and what it means to an individual) is one that seems relevant to the situation long term perhaps.

It could be worse...we're not married and there are no kids involved...so there are some positives

Here's my advice for tonight.

Haha all but the smoking I love suicane...im actually doing vodka and wine.....and I do love some billy bragg especially the albums he did with wilco

Don't forget the hookers.

And Las Vegas

Haha I live in Illinois and vegas is quite far away...otherwise it'd be on the option list

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Illini. If anything, you can be grateful that this is happening now instead of after being married for awhile. I'm going through the same thing, but the difference is that I'm working from 12+ years of marriage. It completely sucks. I feel your pain.

Guys I honestly have tears in my eyes at the compassion you've shown in my hour of need. Im not there yet but damned if you guys don't have me on the road to recovery i think

Harry Nillsons " You;re breaking my heart" is also so great for these situations! so reccommended

With you on that one, Jon. It's become such a cliche on social media for people to talk about marrying their best friend that I'll be tempted to post something like "Today is the day I marry someone who is definitely one of my top five friends. Probably number one among all females though!" on Facebook when I eventually tie the knot.

So I worry that at 27 I'm over the hill for marriage if this doesn't work out? is that so?

Not even close man

Utter & complete bullshit right there.

I was 26 when I got married ... and in hindsight probably shoulda put it off another decade or so.

The "right age" to get married is when you're ready (as much as anybody ever really is), when the right person is ready and when you're both ready. If that's 22, 42, 62 or 82 ... whatever.

At the moment I have two different friends/acquaintances getting married at 57, another doing it (for the first time) at 35, another at +/- 28.

I'm 33 and having no problems in the dating world. If anything I think people are waiting much longer to get married and have kids.

My advice might be different, but I honestly feel like severing is the best. If she doesn't want to be with you, that's it. Waffling back and forth, seeing her here and there, all that other in-between stuff won't help getting over her. It's just her keeping you in her back pocket. It's emotionally draining and will devastate you when she starts seeing someone else.

There isn't a cure for getting over it. It's mainly just time. Finding someone new helps a lot too. My advice is to focus on yourself. Hit the gym, put more into your career, improve yourself. Then head back into the dating game and have fun. I know some people make fun of it, but online dating kicks ass.

It's good to let yourself wallow a little for a while. Take a deep breath, suck in the pain, let yourself experience it.

Try to remember what it felt like when things were good. Now realize just how far away you are from those moments. It's never worth pursuing the past.

When you've done some healing, you have a great opportunity - an opportunity to learn and take inventory and reinvent yourself. You can be a different person next time. You can experience new highs.

I was 30. Its not the age its the maturity. I could barely take care of myself in my 20s. 27 was the age I started to figure it out. But I really didnt figure it out.
Then it took me about 3 years of marriage and 2 kids to really start maturing. And boy I havent reached a high level of maturity yet. Just enough to hang on. Dont worry about age. Worry about the right girl at the right time.

27 was when I met the 19 year old virgin. But thats a whole nother story. Then I met my wife at 29. Age is relative man

Her knowing what she wants. Period. There is nothing for you to help out with. This is on her. Until she figures it out and you are still single, be single.


(shakes cane)

Get off my lawn. :D As long as you are willing to date woman around 30, you should be good to go. The dating pool becomes a puddle after that depending on what you are looking for.

I would actually argue you that your "best" years for marriage lie ahead. I got married young the first time, married 19 years and it was a disaster for many of them. How me kids turned out as good as they did I have no idea.

I have been with my current wife 11 years, married 8 (I got married the second time at the age of 42) and with the exception of one very rough month it has been amazing.

There is lots of good advice in this thread and relationships are in a constant state of evolution and require work, recognition (of that evolution) and understanding.

Give her the space she wants, but also make your own terms. You can, and should, be both friends and lovers in a complete relationship, but if you are both not on that page it can be heartbreaking if one party is more vested than the other.

Doing things with her as a "friend" right now would probably be more agonizing than gratifying and you need to let her know that. Make sure she understands that you need to work through this too and because you still have deep feelings for her you can't be on a roller coaster.

Communicate, listen and express, just don't push too much. Apart from that time will heal and give you both the chance to sort through your feelings.

One way or another things will work out best for you. Don't do anything rash and let things play out however they do and remember you only have so much control.

Best of luck!

Love Nilsson. In this kind of mood, how about "I'll Never Leave You"?


She's probably telling you the truth, but don't let that get your hopes up too high. I faced a similar conversation just about two years ago; it was basically the end of things. So even if there is some soul-searching on her part over the coming days or weeks, you have to mentally acknowledge that things are likely coming to an end. If you have any lingering questions about your relationship, take the chance to try to get a straight answer out of her while you have an opportunity... though I wouldn't expect much in the way of straight answers.

Time really is the best salve. You'll spend a lot of time thinking, which is okay; just don't think so much that you make certain determinations about yourself and act on them. I think time for you is in order, given you may have to adjust to that circumstance soon. I wouldn't party too hard, and I wouldn't suffer privately too much, but there is certainly room for a little of each.

Just out of curiosity (don't feel compelled to answer), have you two been together for more than 2 years or so? I read soooo much and hear from my mother (a marriage therapist/MSW) about phases of love, and how after infatuation gives way to romantic love, you can ride that out to 18-36 months, and not too much longer. After that time period, couples tend to either settle into companionate love, or, finding the romance to be missing, take it as a sign to break up.

I'm probably no more special than anyone else on the board in terms of what I can tell you, but I'm certainly a sympathetic/willing ear. Best of luck; hope you're treating yourself alright. A drink and some good music to lose yourself in is one of the better ways to bide the time at the moment.

busy busy busy. Love yourself a ton and as you enjoy life to its fullest someoen (maybe her) will say, "holy shit, look at how much that guy enjoys life. I want some of that enjoyment." and theyll be clamoring for you to let them into what you have going on.

Not at all. Especially not as a guy.

This to me is the biggest red flag in the situation...

Anyway, give her space and time and keep yourself busy.

No way. When I was single again at 34, there were so many opportunities, I was like a kid in a candy shop.

Thanks guys I feel a little better today already I'm definitely not out of the woods yet but it's nice to feel that it is going to be ok one way or another. I'm going to drink today and wallow and take a sick day tomorrow then try to start things fresh and positive on Tuesday.

im 36 and not even close to being ready to get married :)

I remember talking to a girl who said most guys were clueless until they hit their 30s.

One thing I found when I hit 30 is a lot of the 25-28 year old women are eyeing guys like you. You usually have more money in the bank and some stability in life. It's a great time.

You've already been smacked around a lot with this, but my youngest brother married this year at 31 and the middle one married last year a month before he turned 37. I'm not sure where you got the idea that you're over the hill for marriage at 27, but it's far from the truth.

My ex left me after 16 years,Just walked out the door and didn't turn back.No reason (at that time) or anything...just needed 'space'.( Little did i know at that time she needed 'space' for more time with her boyfriend.).

I was pretty shocked that she was gone,and of course i was hoping she was coming back (obvi not). It didn't even hit me that she wasn't really coming back until i heard she was pregnant!

Anyways,I threw myself into my work (i'm an RE agent) that is probably what saved me.Keep busy,don't stand still,don't think,be numb and single minded.I had my best year ever work wise and still dated 2 or 3 times a week.Now after busting my ass of i am set financially,i've met a great girl (that is the polar opposite of my ex) and we've been together for 8 months.I barely ever think of my ex,and have moved on to bigger and better things.

It's fuckin tough,and it hurts like hell at the beginning....and all advice you get from friends and family is great and supportive and will help you though this.It;s hard to believe that you can come out on the other side of this but you can!

Bottom line is....and i think someone has said it before in the thread is keep busy for yourself.....the days will go by and the hurt will ebb away....and you will wake up one day with a brand new life. It will actually be exciting to see where this new path leads you.

Having been in a similar situation 20 years ago, I completely agree. Cut her loose. And don't bother trying to be friends. It will only be an ongoing source of pain. Find someone else who will appreciate you.

Yep. If you don't cut her loose and instead do the friends thing with one of you having feelings and the other having what I like to call half-feelings, it only leads to the soggy, halfway house of a complicated, tense friendship that's more hassle than it's worth.

In the end, the final end just gets drawn out and you waste several months (or even years) of time, energy, and emotion that could be spent finding someone you truly belong with.

I think this got overlooked.

You're 27, I don't think I saw how old she is. But this reeks of immaturity.

Illini, was in a similar situation to you when I was younger. Got all the waffling in the world about why with no firm good reason. That's a HUGE red flag that she's not giving you all the information here. Take a week or so to be pissed/upset and then move on to hitting the social scene a bit more. Enjoy the freedom a bit. If she really does want to come back, she knows your number. But don't spend endless hours worrying about it or getting in circular conversations with her.

You'll be fine. There's plenty more fish in the pond if this one doesn't want in the boat.


Or of someone who's hiding something and is worried he'll figure it out if they talk in person.

Shes 23....We're supposed to meet up and talk tonight so we'll see.

Illini, this is going to sound harsh, so please take it as intended, not as it reads in tone.

In the long run, you are responsible for your happiness in life. You yourself. No one else. This girl in the end does not matter. If you end up back with her and she improves your life and makes you happy, great. If she doesn't, so be it.

The point is, in the end, you only have yourself. But let me put it another end. In the end, you ALWAYS have yourself.

Work on you. Improve yourself. Live for yourself. Make the best life FOR YOURSELF and no else.

Do that and someone will be around who loves you. A person like this hypothtetical you will find love. But the point is, even if you don't, you don't need to. Because you always have yourself.

When you realize you are all you need, you stop needing to have anyone else. And then you can choose to bring the people (and women) into your life who enrich you and don't bring you down.

I can attest from personal experience - the on-again, off-again thing will drain your soul and crush your self-esteem if you let it.

Eeeks, sorry I missed this thread earlier... Hopefully your conversation was fruitful. There is nothing more annoying than an SO who "doesn't know what to do" or "needs some time to think on things" - I mean maybe that situation can last a few weeks or a month, but if it goes on, you really can't have the trust and commitment a successful relationship need. Don't let yourself get dragged around - don't enslave yourself to her timing because your feelings and needs are just as important as hers.

A million times yes on this.

I got married 8 months ago at the ripe old age of 34. I had a similar experience at your age with a woman who I thought was "the one". She told me she was extremely busy finishing her PhD and didn't have time for our relationship but she still wanted "to date". What I didn't know at the time (actually I just failed to believe it eventhough the signs were there) is that she was having another relationship with her "good friend".

It's easy for me to tell you not to get strung along, but you have to decided when it is enough. Lean on your friends...family...and try to have fun. I took up football officiating to "kill time"...and thanks to her...it's been one of the best decisions of my life.

I am not going to tell you what you should do. If it doesn't work out, I can promise you that as time goes by the hurt will subside. I will also promise you that one day you will realize that she isn't the girl you though she was/is. Being emotionally vested in a relationship you aren't able to be objective about it. However, when you are separated from it after a substantial period of time, you are able to see that the person you "thought' you loved was not as compatible with you as you once thought.

Here's my story along these lines for what it's worth. Dated a girl for three years. Got the 'need some time', 'really busy right now with college', etc. excuses for about a month. I was pretty blindly in love. After a month or so of seeing her only a couple times, I decided to set up a surprise for Valentine's Day. Went over to her house to chat with her mom (who I got along with very well). Was telling the mom how I wanted her help with the surprise. She got a funny look on her face and said, "You do know that X has been dating another guy for two months now, right? I assumed that you kept coming by because you wanted to continue to be friends." She felt really bad about the situation. I'm so thankful that her mom told me and avoided it dragging on any further.

I'm hoping for Illini's sake that someone else other than his girlfriend will help him move on sooner rather than later because I know how this ends.

...

Sorry, are you serious?

If so, here's my story: I met my now wife when I was 34. Talk about luck working in my favor at that time. We've been married for almost 5 years now (i'm 41) and have a wonderful 2 year old (but that's another thread). So, 27 is too old? No way!

on a side note: my dad was 27 when he married my mom and they were married for 47+ years (mom passed last february).

you'll do fine. keep busy as others have said. See if there are activities that you've missed doing over the years.

also a good solution when you lose a job via layoff for the first time...

All 9 of us went out to drink after that meeting. that was 16 years ago...

I'm already starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. I know there will be hard times and weak moments ahead such as tomorrow being an anniversary. Either way I know I'm going to get there. I went to the boxing gym and fought for the first time in a couple years today. Thinking about taking another MMA fight or two before hanging it up again. Felt good to take out some aggression. I'm not over it but I'm on the road to being there and you guys have helped significantly. Haven't even tried to text or call since our talk Monday. I plan on maybe sending her one more text tomorrow to see if she is still on for hanging this weekend and beyond that it's all in her court. I'm confident I was a good guy and did what I could do and if that's not enough, then someone else will appreciate it.

Fuck yeah!

Rock on Cub, rock on

Alright I'm weak and hanging with her tomorrow night ha....What's the best way to play it if I do want her back one day? I'm prepared to move on if it doesn't work but just curious if you guys have any advice on how to play the situation tomorrow to try to stir up interest again. She's seemed to miss me a bit and has been texting every night again

I wouldn't play it. Until she has her crap together and giving you the green light, just be you. Don't worry about what you might want in the future because that can change.

My gut reaction to that question is "don't even think like that". And that answer isn't blowing off your question at all, it's actually my answer.

You start thinking like that (or planning actions from that standpoint) then you're going to give ground that you don't easily get back. My advice to you is the same as I give to my 15 y/o son on a regular basis and it's the same advice I gave to an old friend who is currently taking one more shot at saving her badly troubled marriage of 25 years:

Just be you. That oughta be good enough for anybody that matters. Moreover, it has to be good enough, because you can't sustain being what you think someone wants forever, you eventually end up having to be yourself.

edit to add: Damned scary to post this & see Matthean use the same phrase moments earlier.

Just be you

you should watch Swingers, I think they cover all this

Yeah

Funny thing I bet I've watched swingers like 6 times since this whole thing went down! It's the ultimate guy break up movie

be selfish in a positive way, a fun selfish, a determined and demanding selfish. It works 1. because you get happy and 2. chicks dig it. Esp if you're cocky...or is it funny?

Yep, show you're moving on and that you're ok with it. For example, if you guys go to a bar, when she comes back from the bathroom, be talking to other people around you. It's a big deal to not be the center of attention when you've been that way your entire relationship - will make her realize some things.

Do not hang out with her. Let her be. You're letting her eat her cake. The more you push, the longer this will go.

Dude, simple rule: A relationship CAN take hard work sometimes, but it's not rocket science.

Take charge, make the decisions YOURSELF (she's calling the shots), and don't do it for the sake of causing a scene, or getting attention, or having to fake looking cool by talking to random people at a bar (you'll look like a freak who's trying WAY too hard).

Go be you. Delete her number to resist the urge. You're going to think about it which is totally fine, but don't act on it. Think of it as a football game that ended poorly and that you "lost." You learn from it, but you don't go back and try and fix it, or call the team up and ask for just a few more plays.

Prepare yourself to be stronger/better for the next game...

Should of listened to you guys! So a week after making my post or so we got back together and things were fine seemingly. Moved in together and long story short I was taking a walk and some guy came from behind and sucker punched me in the eye. She'd been cheating on me for the last few weeks with some random guy while I was working and I found out by getting attacked. A trip to the emergency room and six stitched in my eye and now I'm back home. I didn't fight back have too much to risk career wise. I boxed for years and my eyes never looked this bad. So in short you guys were right and I should of left it alone! I found out the hard way.

Sorry to hear that, Illini Cub.

Most importantly, though, no babies, no ring, no hooks right? You can be free and clear of her. She isn't worth your time, hard as that may be to accept.

What exactly was the guy up to anyway? Did he think she was cheating on him with you? Not sure I understand what he thought he was gaining. Personally, I would consider pressing charges on his ass, but maybe not for you if you want to move on from all this as quick as possible.

No he knew she was living with me and knew the whole thing from what I understand. I think he was unhappy that she was living with me and wanted to expedite the process of getting her out since I had no idea and she didn't tell me. But honestly I don't know. Honestly I think she has some sort of depression or bi polar issue possibly. Charges have been pressed bystanders called the cops. He ran off after doing it, but the cops found him and arrested him. I'm as confounded as anyone it was going on under my nose so yeah, on the plus side honestly it makes it easier to move on this time as I feel I could never forgive that one.

Dola and yeah no ring or kids thankfully.

I was unfortunate enough to have a kid with my ex before she decided to start banging the head housekeeper at her hotel. You did good to avoid that part of things.

Best part is, that behind the scenes stress of being unsure and not believing fully in someone will lift now, and you'll find yourself feeling renewed in a month or two (if you're anything like me anyway). My ex did me a favor by leaving, unfortunately my son is caught up in something he has no control over going back and forth between us and I'll never be able to get over that part.

Now do you, be greedy for yourself and reap the rewards of freedom, peace of mind, and sanity that you never knew you had lost.

Just bringing up my quote from before. It still applies here. You have you. That is all you need. Love yourself, make your life what you want it to be. The ones who deserve to love you will be there when you do. When you won't need them to be there, but when you want them to be there.

Thank you.... I didn't understand before, but I really think I do now.

Be careful. If a guy is willing to sucker punch you like that who knows what he is capable of doing later on. Should have a restraining order placed against him and she should be asked to leave immediately.

No shame in arming yourself either. The guy seems like a loose cannon and she seems to have some issues too.

I've strategically placed a golf club in every room of my house for now as a precaution. I don't have a foid card so I can't really buy a more powerful means of protection right away without applying for one.

You should be able to pull parts of his record I think. If he has past charges you should see them I'd think. Don't know about your state though

Apparently he just got out of prison recently, I just got back from the states attorney's office to see about restitution and what not.

Just buy a gun then AND make sure you don't have the hiv

What stevew said. Get tested for STDs, but, I would ask your ex to pay for it....just to rub it in a little bit. The guilt, not the STDs.

Thread title needs updated to account for the broken face.

Damn Cub, this just sucks, especially the way you found out, total bullshit.

Like others said and you know, do what you need to do for you and know you are better off. Sounds like your Ex and this guy deserve each other and hopefully the assault charge buts his ass right back in prison.