How to (successfully) hit on a coworker.
 

Ok love gurus I need your help.

I'm sick of spending my weekends alone getting depressed watching the Lions lose.

I was thinking of inviting one of my coworkers over Friday night or something to watch a movie. Is this a good idea? Bad idea? What movie should I suggest? My initial thought was to have her bring a movie and then screen something of my choosing. I do have a projector (which has roughly a 120" screen) and surround sound.

My love life is in your hands FOFC. Give me all the advice you can muster.

You usually can't fail with cocky and funny.

Tread carefully.

First date at your pad?

No. Go out somewhere and see if there is chemistry.

I'd go have lunch/dinner and then maybe ask about a movie.

I've generally tried this all my life and has gotten me nothing. I'm short. Women ain't coming to me.

I need advice that is more sitcom-ish.

Agree with Edward64.

Your place for a first date is a no no.

If it is possible, arrange a get together with lots of co-workers at a bar or something. Get a good conversation going with her and then ask if she would like to have lunch or dinner sometime.

If coworker get together is a no-go. Then yeah something simple like lunch or coffee would be best.

This kind was kind my first idea. I wanted to invite several coworkers together for a game of Euchre (which is a 4 player card game for you non-midwesterners). It had great initial reception but it fell apart at the last minute. The woman I want to date wasn't part of the reason it fell apart.

I do have a great excuse to owe her lunch. My coworkers and I went on a kayaking trip where she borrowed some of my sunscreen and she gave me her towel when I cut my ankle up bad and was using the said towel to keep it from getting infected. So in other words I owe her a towel.

Your place? Where are you putting her after you carve her up?

Make sure you know any HR policies regarding workplace romance.

It's a small business. The only policy is that it doesn't cause a problem for my boss.

Well then, get an ugly guy with a long nose to help you write the offer.

I would offer advice, since I married my hostess, and we're happily married, but then I think about all the really, really questionable shit I did a long, long time ago, and I think it's best that I back away slowly. Good Luck.

I married a co-worker. Be honest and be slow. Communication is key.

This hasn't gotten enough love.

On a serious note, I'll back up the "1st date at your house is a no go" crowd. Personally, I think direct is best. Play the towel angle and offer to take her out to lunch.

Think about something out in the area that you've kind of wanted to do that would be fun or interesting and see if she wants to take it in too. that way if it sucks with her at least you've checked out something cool... ie ax throwing, rage room, distillery, chocolate making, etc and grab a coffee or a drink beforehand and let her know that if you're a jerk or come off as too cocky or funny she can always bail on the ax throwing and you'd still go because its something you've always wanted to try. You're acknowledging that she has a parachute halfway through.

My wife asked me out during work but it was a grocery store and we were 19/20 (and it was 30 years ago), so probably not quite same deal.

You should see if you can go to her place. Tell her that way you know where she lives and can stop by anytime.

How long have you worked together? Do you get a sense she might be interested? Do you use dating apps?

I've worked with her for almost a year. I think she may be interested. I've tried dating apps but with no results.

Grabbing lunch together is probably the easiest and least troublesome way to do it. Or grab a bite/drink after work.

It's tricky at work because if it goes south, it's just uncomfortable for both. I like to give myself a little plausible deniability on it in case she says no. That way you can play it off as just asking a co-worker to grab something to eat isntead of "asking on a date".

I will pile on the first date at your place no way train, that just comes off bad and quite honestly reduces your odds of a favorable response, and makes you come off creepy.

I had superficial relationships with co-workers when I was single, that mostly were like friends with benefits, rather than anything serious, mainly because if you go down the serious path and things go south, work may not be a fun environment for one or both of you.

So my advice would be to be patient, be friends and see if there are sparks. Start with lunch, keep it light, listen and be empathetic, crack some jokes and follow her body language.

I had a very specific "game plan" for lack of better words for this. I would follow the blueprint above, watch for signs (eye contact, those deep smiles, touching me) that let me know there might be interest. I would then throw signs back, but not too obvious, which nearly always resulted in them making the first move. This puts you in a position, where if things don't work out, you are not the jerk, because she pursued you.

Finally, if things do progress, be honest with how you feel and what you want, then enjoy the moments.

Do you ever go to trivia night at a bar? Maybe get a tram of coworkers to go do that.

This is a good idea. People are different away from the office. You will get a much better gauge of her interest in a group setting.

See, I read the thread as "How to (successfully) hit a coworker", and it took the above to get me to look at this whole thing in a different and wonderful light.


P.S. Though I'll note that my way of reading it was pretty remarkable too.

On which date do I tell her that I hang around a forum with topics such as "hot child molester"?

I tried to explain this place to my girlfriend when I was going out for beers with Pilotman after work. So I'd say year 7 is good time to bring that up.

16 years together, 14 years married. And my wife still just refers to this group as "that football guys forum"

This would be a much better thread if you had left "successfully" out of the title.

My numbers are even above that and it's still the same "the football message board" and she's even met like a half dozen people from here

SI

I'm open to any idea.

After my day at work, this might be my next thread. (Although it involves a customer and not a coworker)

Maybe you can arrange it such that you hit this person in a gallant way to protect her honor. Like maybe yell “SUZY IS NOT A BITCH!” and then you hit him with a haymaker. Or something cool like that. Women eat that stuff up!

Pics?

So when is the big day?

This is definitely the thread I am most excited about seeing updates on right now, so there better be updates!

I think Nobody here blocked me so I have no advice. But I am following.

I haven't blocked anyone on FOFC except obvious trolls. But I don't see how rooting for Iowa will help me hit on my coworker.

And that is where you are wrong. Rooting for Iowa scored me many a chick. Even one in St. Louis.

Just kidding. The St. Louis girl went to Iowa and was a date and I was not in dating mode at that time. We went out once and then I really never heard from her again.

With some of the people at the place where I work that isn't a far strretch.

This has gotten me nowhere in my love life. I need something more bold.

I will suggest this.

Make sure you tell them Lathum from your online football sim forum had the idea...

By the way, I noticed we have a customer called "Lathum Hardware" in our database. Is this you or is someone getting on on your good name?

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If you like / care about your job I'd advise to simply not go there and look elsewhere

My wife of 20 years, our first date was at my apartment watching movies. Of course I had a water bed so I was cool. :)

Get a Super Smash Brothers game cartridge and while holding it ask her to come over and smash. Works everytime.

We're a week into this thread and the train wreck hasn't happened yet. Get on it OP.

Go with lunch, but make it a picnic lunch. Bonus points if there's blackberries to pick nearby.

I concur

As much as I'd like to see it work out (and/or hilarity ensue), I agree with not going there. And, if you do, wait until you have done friend-type things for a good while before broaching the subject of a date. It's not worth it to potentially make her feel uncomfortable at work.

I met my wife at work and got married 6 months later and have worked in the same building with her for the last 24 years.

I got a secondary plan:

1. Go to a local bar
2. Admit that I root for the Lions
3. Roll in the sympathy sex



Foolproof right?

So I'm basically George Costanza: a short chubby balding guy. But at least like later George I have a semi-respectable job.

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George realizes that he should do the opposite of his instincts? I think I need to do that here.


Fun Fact: I once even drove the same type of car that George did.

You have John Voigt's LeBaron?

Not the LeBaron, but since I can't say who owned any of my former cars, they very well could've been owned by John Voigt.

I had a '79 LeBaron in high school.

I didn't know this thread was about your pathetic life.

I thought it was about mine.




(Sorry, just doing the opposite of what I would normally do)

No, that's good. Girls dig the Bad Boy.

That's it! You should take up bootlegging.

Is that your orthopedic back pillow?

See above

Have the people at work start calling you T-Bone.

Can confirm this works for getting a first date. After that, you're on your own.

I would like to hear more of this story

ETA:

I've always been against someone giving themselves a nickname. But in the opposite George Costanza theory, I'm willing to listen to idea.

Oh, it was given to me. My name is one that lends itself to the T-Bone nickname. It, coupled with my taciturn nature, made me seem badass and appealing. Got the date with the coworker. It bombed because we ultimately had very little in common, but was still fun.

Ok, this whole smallish thread has been interesting but from post 53 onwards it got down right hilarious.

So I finally decided to check out her facebook page. And I gotta admit it's filled will more political diatribe than I expected since she never speaks of these things in the office. She's what I shall call a "Millennial Democrat" (I created this term). So basically her page has weekly postings of LGQT rights and abortion. Lots and lots of posts about abortion. And this is before the news about Texas. I can work with this except I'm not a fan of the anti-capitalist posts. But if the future sex is good then who cares. She did have Seinfeld and Futurama memes which is an insanely huge positive in my opinion.

Inquiring minds want to get a progress report. And ...?

Let me ask you this. Do you think you're sponge-worthy and if so, why?

Save both of your time now and move on to some other interest. This will not end well for either of you.

Unless she is really hot.

Well I thought I had a group invite to a restaurant after Friday, but unfortunately my company decided to have a pizza party and I didn't get a chance to push it. I'm trying again for next Friday.

Well then you tell me what will work for me. Because everything else I can think of will only end like a Detroit Lion's season.

Go to a bar and be cocky and funny. Easy.

Sent from my SM-G996U using Tapatalk

And despite the passive-aggressiveness of this answer I would actually like a suggestion.

If you do want to seriously have a chance, I think you need to make something happen sooner rather than later. These windows of opportunity don't last forever. In my younger years, I've seen those sparks of interest disappear if they aren't nurtured. An ex could always come back into the picture, or she could be internet dating, and all of a sudden that flirty look she gives you becomes a co-worker look, and you'll always think back and wonder what could have happened if you had made your move.

And if you do make your move and it doesn't work, move on.

Hey, I'm taking a wine tasting class on Saturday, did you want to come with me?
Hey, there's a cool play that opens this weekend, did you want to come with me?

I would get away from the group activity thing altogether. I've never been on a successful date that also had 6 other co-workers along with me.

I can't explain why but I'm kind of Gaga over her

How does this forum feel about a cold facebook friending?

My instinct is to say that it is wrong but my instincts haven't worked out for me so far.

I have zero successful experience but I think it's a situation where I would agree with Mota. I suggest to do something, or don't, but pick one and then move on if it doesn't work out. I wouldn't go the facebook route, I don't see where that would lead anywhere good.

This thread is now 4 weeks old. Grow a set already and do something.

Oh, don't forget Plan B and C. If she refuses you, need to think of the next thing you'll say e.g. how about next Sat (depending on how she refused)

and plan D find a new job

Attraction is a funny thing that's hard to explain. I didn't figure out much about dating until I understood that it doesn't work very well if the attraction isn't there.

I'll agree that her facebook page doesn't matter - that's just a function of how she interacts with a small friend group. It's weird that it's all public like that, but social media is still in its early stages of evolution.

I would not try to friend her, though. A friend request accomplishes nothing while giving her an opportunity to view you critically while you're not present. It takes attraction out of the equation.

If this weren't a work setting, you'd just go up to her and ask her out for dinner or something. I get the "how else am I supposed to meet someone" argument, but work is somewhat sacred because she has to be there and it makes people feel unsafe to be approached, one-on-one, at work.

I think the group approach is a good one. Be early. When she comes in, make eye contact and say something to her. If she makes it easy for you to sit next to her (or if you're already there, sitting, and she chooses to sit next to you), then you can probably suggest a later dinner date when she's leaving.

If she doesn't give you a good opportunity to sit and talk during the event, she's probably aware of your interest and doesn't want to encourage you. In that case, you're going to have to let it go.

One of the hardest things to accept about dating is that it's not like a job application. It's a convoluted, mutual dance and if a woman is interested, she'll give you opportunities to ask her out. They're not the mysterious creatures of lore that we build them up to be when we're inexperienced.

If you're feeling hopeless about it, read This Side of Paradise (F. Scott Fitzgerald). Great insights from someone who came to the most ridiculous conclusions (he wrote most of it when he was barely 20).

This should be part of Plan A.

All of this, pretty much. I'll also add that figure out your strengths/talents and play to them. Every relationship I've ever had, the girl fell for my writing first - whether it was online, in role-playing chat rooms, or in conversations via email or a messenger app, or in the simple passing back and forth of notes in some tedious situation (a speaker, sitting in the university computer lab, etc.)

My sense is that a one-on-one situation to start will be an epic tank - the kind that winds up in a Reddit subgroup or a listicle. Keep it low-key and no-pressure with a group event first. Be the one to organize it and get people to go. Wait until you've got a few yeses from other people first (including some other women). Then ask her and say, "Hey, a bunch of us are going to do X. Person A, B, C, are all already going, and I wanted to see if you wanted to come, too."

What's the fun in that?

How about the stealth date?
"Hey, I'm organizing a "blah blah blah" night. What do you think?
If she agrees, then you ask her, should we invite some other people from work?
If she says yes, it's not a date. If she says no, then it's a date.
This would be a way to test the waters. You did mention earlier in the thread that you think she is interested, so I would personally try to advance it based on that. Remember that interest is not an unlimited thing, if she is interested and feels that you're not pursuing her, she may move on emotionally.

How is this 4 weeks old and there's no update.

Maybe this "I'll send her a note at the perfect time in 2 months after a feeling out period" shit works in high school, but when you're in your 40s (or 30s or 50s or whatever you're in), by the time you do anything about it, she'll be taken.

Do something

This thread reinforces my thought that if I'm ever single again, I'm just going full-on hermit until I die. Ain't no way I'm wading back into the dating swamp 30+ years later.

Okay, since you don't seem to like our other ideas, I do have a game changer for you.
Hey, I am starting a new Front Office Football multiplayer league, did you want a team? I'll give you the pick of any franchise you want.
That way you show her that she is a priority for you, and also shows your amazing FOF skills.
The first time my then-girlfriend slept over at my house, she woke up at 7:30 am and saw that I was in my computer room, playing Icewind Dale 2 and Diablo 2, both of which had just released that week.
She married me.

I have a good friend, mid 40s, divorced 10 or so years, very attractive woman. The stories she has are horrid. I can't imagine trying to wade those waters. she has basically given up.

Over the last 10+ years, I have known a few folks through my kid's sports who divorced and a few of them ended up hooking up with other divorced parents within those sports.

I don't think it would be that hard if you were active socially.

Heh. Yeah, that's the piece right there that would get me. Now that the kids are out of school, I am home all the time. Now, part of that is because I am not looking and don't need to socialize. Would my habits change if I were "looking?" Who knows. I know wooing the ladies wasn't something I was particularly adept at when I was young.

edit: hell, I'm not really successful at wooing the one who is contractually bound to me!

Agreed. My last kid is 6 months from HS graduation so there are no obvious social situations for me without inserting myself into something I'm not part of now.

The sports parent dating thing reminds me though - there was a team about 2 or 3 years below my daughter that was run by the stepfather of one of the players. Mom dropped divorce papers in April and completely blew up not only her marriage but the team. Those poor parents were scrambling to try to keep it together or find new teams right as everyone was starting to play.

This is the best advice you will get. Just do it next time you see her and you will have your answer. If it is a no, it doesn't make it awkward.

Now, having said that, I would never do this to a co-worker if it is any kind of professional job. (Disclaimer: I met my wife when we both worked at a grocery store and I basically told her I have tickets to a Hartford Whaler game this Saturday and asked if she would like to go, but grocery store is not a serious job and I was 22).

That's my story too Marmel, except we were 20 and she asked ME out.

I would be extremely careful about dating around a job I wanted to keep just in case things went sideways (either immediately or down the road). Although in my specific case, my current boss married a direct report (but he owned the company, so you know...) so I'd probably have a bit of wiggle room.

This describes me after my 26 year marriage ended 8 years ago. I "tried" online dating apps but never got anywhere. In the end, I am happy being on my own.

So the first time your wife slept over, you got up at the crack of dawn to play video games instead of snuggling that body? What in the hell is going on here?