Dwarven Fortress FOFC
 

Hear ye! Hear ye! Attention all glory-seeking dwarves! The king has commissioned a new mountain fortress to be built in the wilderness of our great land of Niruretur Ekir. By the force of that decree, I am hereby authorized to enlist five dwarves to venture forth into the wilds and carve said fortress out of the hard rock. That’s right, fellow dwarves! I said rock! And hard! You can dig in rock! For free! What a deal, eh! We will give you--without charge, I might add--all the tools you need, and will even guarantee that a trading caravan will visit you before the first winter sets in.

What more could you ask for? Yes, this is an opportunity of a lifetime! Just think of it, your own mountain paradise, with all the rock you can dig, all the beer you can brew, all the fresh meat, veggies, and fish you can find! Crystal clear blue rivers, gurgling brooks, spectacular sunsets! And each night you’ll sleep in your own private room, deep in the warm, cozy bowels of solid rock! A dwarven utopia of your very own.

And yes, there’s even more, my dwarven friends! You see, if you come on this adventure, your name will live forever in the annals of dwarven history. Your friends and family will hear of your tales for years to come! You will live a life of the rich and famous, the life you have always dreamed of.*

Sound too good to be true? Nope, it isn’t. But this adventure isn’t open to all, so act fast! We’ve only got five spots available, and they’ll go fast, I guarantee it. So if you want in, don’t dally. Post your name here and let me know! Don’t be shy, jump right up!

Oh, and one more thing: tell us what you’re good at, ok? We’re looking for one each of the following skills. If someone picks the one you want, feel free to take a different profession, but we can’t have two dwarves doing the same thing at first. That would be silly. I think.**

We need the following:
A stone crafter (taken, Coffee Warlord)
Two miners (taken, Sachmo and ntndeacon)
A carpenter (taken, Qwikshot)
A fisherdwarf (taken, Anxiety)

*Rare side effects of this adventure could be dismemberment, drowning, death by elephant, starvation, insanity, death by frogman, and other annoying unpleasantries. The king nor any of his minions are not repsonsible for adverse circumstances or outcomes. As always, consult with your doctor before beginning an adventure of this sort.

**Unless I screw up and designate two dwarves as miners. But I would never do that.

The Stonecutters have selected Coffee Warlord as their designated Stone Crafter!

Attach the Stone of Triumph!

Ah, our first hero! Welcome aboard, Coffee Warlord, Novice Stonecrafter! Glad to have you with us!

Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We Do! We Do!

Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We Do! We Do!

Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We Do! We Do!

Who robs cavefish of their sight
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We Do! We Do!

That's the spirit! A positive attitude is crucial to success. I can see you've got a ton of potential! I can't wait to see what you can make out of rock.

A dwarven miner? How original! I will take that spot, please!

Fisher!

Well if it was good for Jesus, it's good for me...I'll try the carpenter.

Ah, fantastic! Three more vict...I mean, heroes. Almost time to start on our way to our peaceful paradise in the mountains. We just need one more.

Mason extraordinaire reporting for duty!

Ah, there we are! Great! Welcome aboard, ntndeacon!

Apparently there was a small miscommunication on my part. The king asked for two miners instead of a miner and a mason. I hope he doesn't kill me for this mistake, but I think we can get by if we make you a miner instead. Mining, masonry, pretty much the same, right?

Once we get going, we'll need your finer masonry skills, for sure, but for now, um, grab a pick, ok?

Well, it looks like we're all set to go. Ah, wait...what's this? Another missive from the king?

Ah, all praise the king! He has great news for you...

Your glorious king has decided to bestow upon you even more incredible favors. Yes, you’re welcome. He realized that a dwarven fortress can’t hope to have the um, “proper” environment with only five male dwarves. You need female dwarves! He is therefore going to provide you with two female dwarves of your choice.

So…who would you like? Choose wisely, the winters are long! You might be saying, “Huh, what do you mean?” Well, for example, we understand that Anna Kournikova would like to go with you. Or perhaps, Britney Spears is more to your liking? Well, anyway, it is of no concern to me, you just fire off a suggestion. Once we hear from you, we’ll round them up. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to be chosen for this adventure.

The missive from the Stonecutters demands Natalie Portman be brought to Coffee Warlord's bedside immediately!

Oh, excellent choice! You'll have to earn her favors, though.

The Wood Crafter Natalie Portman joins our heroes!

She can craft my wood any time. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Har! Good one! Good to see that all those rumors about dwarves having a good sense of humor are true. :)

scarlett johansson would make a fine partner, even without the beard!

Ah good, I was wondering how long it'd take you to start up a dynasty here after you got hooked up over on the OO forum... :)

Sign me up for your next open slot (I don't really care what role).

What a fine choice!

Peasant Scarlett Johansson, Novice Wood Cutter, joins our band of merry dwarves!

We'll be making final preparations, then, and be on our way shortly!

The stout dwarves of FOFC prepare for their journey to the untamed wilderness region of, um, somewhere. This wilderness region is temperate, heavily forested, and has moderate amounts of other vegetation. Very safe, I assure you.

We have been chosen by the king to forge a new fortress in the wilds, one that will bring glory to the dwarven race! By decree of the king, this fortress shall be called Vaboksat! Not sure what that means either, but…

Onward, short heroes!

Our initial seven:

Besides the clothes we have on our backs, a couple of horse- and mule-drawn wagons pull two wagons full of our ample supplies. With this treasure trove of goods, you’ll build your paradise:

2 iron picks
2 iron battle axes
5 plump helmet spawn
6 pig tail seeds
48 chunks of groundhog meat (Yummy!)
26 plump helmet*

Also traveling with us are two dogs and two cats.

With this, we’ll carve our existence into the mountains and make a fortress worthy of dwarven lore! Onward, short dwarves! Our destiny awaits.

*No, don’t ask. I have no idea what the helmet is. All I know is we’ve got some in a bag on the wagons. I don’t know if we eat it, plant it, or kill things with it. I think it’s pretty important stuff, so I better figure out what it is soon, though.

Yes, yes, by all means. Welcome! I hear that there are wandering dwarves out in the wilds that sometimes stop by before winter arrives. We'll put you down as the first male dwarf to arrive.

That's assuming we survive that long, which is a real longshot given that I have no clue what I'm doing.

Oops. Said too much, said too much.

Ah, that's a definite possibility, but we've got a bag full of something like 26 of them, and they are plump. He doesn't look plump. :)

After several days of arduous travel, our dwarves arrive at the foot of the massive mountain that will become our fortress. Our overall goal will be to survive the first winter. It is now spring, which gives us a few months to get busy and get ready for long, dark days that lurk a few months in the future. There is much to do, and so many adventures in store for our heroes!

Time to get to work!

(I’ll be back later today with an update!)

WTF, Godzilla is doing a dynasty and im not in it? Who will die then? This does not bode well, your screwing with destiny!!

:p

Good luck! (you'll need it.)

wow what a nice set of pick axes you are carrying Miss Johansson.

A Godzilla Blitz dynasty? WOOT!

Yay for GB Die-Nasty!

The first stone shall be carved in the likeness of Blade, so that, when danger strikes, the stone will be the first one attacked. It shall confuse our enemies!

Here we go. Sorry so slow, but I'm learning as I go along...

Don't get too excited by this dynasty. I'm not sure our heroes will last that long. I'm pretty clueless with this game. Took me a hour to figure out how to set up a barracks.

(I'll reply to people's posts above in a little while. Got to run off to take my son to a piano lesson now.)

We Start Digging, and Other Stuff
Well, everyone kind of stands around wondering what to do for a while, staring at the mountain. After a bit, Anxiety notices a river off to the west, and heads off to try his hand at fishing. We also designate him as our fish cleaner, which hopefully he can learn how to do with some success.

We map out a plan for hacking out some rooms from the mountain. We also designate some trees for chopping down. Then we set up stockpile areas for our wood, stone, and refuse.

Almost immediately, Sachmo and ntndeacon start digging away at the mountain face with their picks. Scarlett starts chopping down trees. We are underway!

We’re going to need someone to do some masonry work as well, so we designate CoffeeWarlord as our mason. Let’s hope he can figure it out pretty quickly.

After a bit, we get some nice acacia wood and some hardy granite from our excavation endeavors. We set up plans for a carpentry workshop and a stone workshop. Coffee jumps to the task of building the masonry workshop and Qwikshot starts building the carpentry workshop.

With that everyone is busy and the site hums with activity.

After a bit, the crude workshops are complete. We set the masonry workshop to produce stone blocks, stone thrones, and stone tables. The carpentry workshop will give us our beds, bucket, and barrels.

Away from our fortress, Anxiety finds that the river is barren of fish. Argh. He wanders a bit to the southwest of the river, where he finds a small pond. He immediately starts catching turtles. Way to go, Anxiety. To the northwest of him is a pack of warthogs. They seem to be staying where they are for the moment. Hope they’re friendly warthogs.

Back at the fortress, Sachmo and ntndeacon continue drilling deeper into the rockface. They dig like they are possessed, and before long we’ve got a main area with six rooms off to the sides. We make one the barracks, another we use for food storage, and one more we make into the carpentry woodshop.

Once we get a few more tables and thrones, we’ll set up our dining hall and then get going on building a well for water. Shortly, we’ll also need to have one of our brave miners dig east in search of the underwater river.

Meanwhile, back at the pond, three lions approach Anxiety. He hightails it to the east side of the river and waits while the lions eat up the turtles he caught. Fortunately, he was able to cart some of them back to our food storage room, but these too meet a useless fate: before we can get them into barrels, our cats eat them all up. Oh, well, another productive day at work for Anxiety. Determined, he heads back toward the pond once the lions have left, only to collapse from exhaustion and stress by the side of the river.

Elsewhere, CoffeeWarlord is now a “Dabbling Mason”, which means that he is taking forever to get our tables and thrones done. Come on, Coffee, pick up the pace! We need a place to eat!

Qwikshot, on the other hand, is a model of efficiency, as he cranks out beds and barrels at a furious pace. He devours all the trees Scarlett Johansson can chop down. Maybe he’s just trying to impress her.

Without a crafting workshop set up yet, Natalie Portman spends her day organizing our supplies, carting around the stone and food, and setting up the beds in the barracks.

Gradually, our dwarfs tire out, and one by one they stumble into the barracks and crash, each to their own bed for the moment. Except of course for Anxiety, who is out by the river sleeping by himself.

All in all, a great start! No one died!

WOOT!

Hi HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Hi Ho Hi Ho Hi Ms Johansson.

If the cats are eating the turtles, perhaps the cats are the next on the menu for the hungry dwarves.

Turtle Power!

In other news: STOP MAKING ME WANT TO TRY OUT NEW GAMES. That is all.

Do NOT irritate the master craftsman.

Blade6119: We'll have to figure out a way to get you in this. There are apparently so many interesting ways to die in this game, and I bet you could find a real winner.

Neon_Chaos: Thanks! I think we'll actually need a lot more than good luck. I think we'll need divine intervention.

ntndeacon: Scarlett is a very impressive worker. Even as the others sleep, she's still out there chopping down trees. Matter of fact, Anxiety is asleep only a little ways away from her, but she just keeps on chopping trees down, oblivious to his needs. She's pretty much cleared the whole section from the mountain to the river all by herself.

Kodos: I think it's going to be a very short dynasty, and I'm not sure yet how well the game will work to create a good dynasty, but we'll give it a shot.

RavenHawk: Yes, yes, that is likely a much more appropriate name: Die-Nasty. I like it!

CoffeeWarlord: In all seriousness, there is a sculpture skill. Apparently it makes dwarfs happy to have stone sculptures in their living quarters.

RavenHawk: The funny thing about the cats eating the turtles was that Natalie kept bringing barrels in to store the turtles, but by the time she'd get there with the barrel, the turtles would be gone. I'd get a little message that "Natalie has cancelled her task because the object could not be found." I could just see her wandering around, going "Ok, I know I left that raw turtle around her somewhere."

Ok, so maybe it's not that funny.

But yes, we can butcher the cats and the dogs and horses and mules in dire circumstances.

Anxiety: It's really early as far as how much time I've spent with the game, I'm still trying to figure the game out, and the learning curve/interface issues are substantial, but even with all that, this game feels like it could be one of my favorite games ever. It's way too early to tell, and I may hate it in about five hours, but it's got an amazing complexity to it that looks like it will generate some funny and entertaining outcomes. And it definitely makes you think.

Coffee: Master Craftsman? You're turning delusional. You're a dabbling mason. Don't get overconfident or you'll chop your hand off.

This is going to be funny, way to go dwarves!

GB: I have dibs on any migrants! :)

You will be SILENT.

I am a surpreme craftsman, and all dwarves should bring me ale and whores as tribute to my stone working glory.

HI HO, Bitches!

We will give you a pick in the eye so you won't be taking our ale and whores. besides I have heard stone workers make a good dinner!

Don't MAKE me attach the Stone of DOOM.

going Munchkin on 'em now? :)

From the Dwarf Fortress wiki:

I LOVE GB DYNASTIES!!!! Woot.


Please include me. Please!!!!!!!!! :)

GB: dig for the river inside the mountain, just head east... when you hit it, build a small room beside it so that when the river floods, you get muddy floors. when the floor is muddy, you can build a farming plot on it, and plant the seeds. food is very important come the winter.

(Quick note: As I've mentioned a few times, I still figuring this game out, and one part of that is how to best chronicle our adventures. I just realized that the game seems to progress through about two day cycles each season, so I'm going to adjust my writing style a bit to make seasonal posts.)

Year 1051, Spring: In Search of Water!

We have some advancements to acknowledge! Ntndeacon and Sachmo have lost their “novice” tags, and are now full fledged miners. Way to go, dwarfs! Dig, dig, dig. No one else makes any advances for the moment.

Well, that was quite a productive beginning, but there is still much to be done. It’s now mid-spring, and we have to make some progress on becoming self-sufficient. Our next goals are to find the subterranean river in the mountain, get some crops planted, start making some crafts to sell to the caravan, and get our main hall dug out and set up with a well and tables and chairs.

We get busy. Natalie Portman, who spent the early portion of our adventure just toting stuff around, gets set up at a stone crafting station and starts making toys, mugs, and instruments. She’s quite creative, as she makes marvels such as a slate harp and felsite toy hammer. Normally, this should be something that CoffeeWarlord is doing, as by trade Natalie’s a wood crafter, but since Coffee Warlord is still backlogged at his masonry job, Natalie had to fill in.

Sachmo and ntndeacon get busy digging our dining hall, which will serve as the home for our well and our main social area. We’ll also have them dig a large storage area for all the goods we’re making.

Anxiety, who had so little success with his fishing endeavors, gets taken off that job and is our designated porter for this portion of our adventure. We need all the help we can get speeding up our progress inside the mountain.

CoffeeWarlord gets back to his stone masonry. He is still trying to finish those damn thrones and tables.

And since Scarlett busted her butt cutting down all the trees, we’ve got plenty of wood for the moment. She too, will come into the mountain to help with transporting stuff.

Qwikshot, who blazed through the creation of our beds, is now set to making barrels for storing food and various objects. We’ll stop those damn cats from eating our turtles again.

We get busy…

The construction of the dining hall goes very quickly, kind of. Sachmo and ntndeacon excavate like dwarfs possessed. Anxiety takes a break from hauling stuff around and gets our well built and working. But we’re still waiting for the chairs and tables. Everything’s done, but we only have five tables and three chairs.

With the main hall for the most part done, Sachmo heads over and starts digging the tunnel through the mountain that will aim to hit the underground river. This is treacherous work, and he needs to be ready to run at any moment. Ntndeacon starts digging a large storage area. Everyone else sticks to their tasks, and except for the discovery of some ore and silver, things are relatively quiet.

But as spring draws to a close, we still haven’t hit the river, and winter is one season closer…

Peregrine: I'm interested to see how this will turn out. I haven't quite figured out yet how to best tell the story, but I think it does have the potential to turn out pretty funny. Funny stuff happens in the game, as far as I can tell.

Neon_Chaos: AStott called first dibs, but you can be second in line.

CoffeeWarlord: Ale and whores? Maybe that explains your pokey pace. You are so slow. It takes you weeks just to make a chair.

Anxiety: Ah, that would explain why the plump helmets are disappearing. Apparently we're eating them.

kingfc22: Thanks, but this one feels more like an alpha dynasty. Still trying to get a handle on things.

Neon_Chaos: Thanks! Yes, I've been reading a bit about the farming, but I'm not sure I understand all the details of the floodgates and such. We'll see. I hope we can get some crops to harvest before the winter sets in, or we may have biggie problemo. We can draw lots to see who gets eaten first.

Announcement

Dwarfs, we need a new female member name. And this should be a strong female. Mighty strong.

Who shall it be?

Lucy Lawless aka Xena.