Monster Bowl: Tales of an Orc Assault Team
“Modern Sarpadia’s swarming with thrulls. It’s a testament to the orcs that they’ve survived there so long.”
—Elbietta, Argivian scholar Monster Bowl (www.monsterbowl.net) is something I've been fiddling with for the past few months. My original team is the North County Raiders. The Raiders are a team of elves, but I've grown tired of working with them. Elf teams in this game are weaker, but as you could imagine faster. It has been hard to compete against the other races (orc, human, skeleton), since their ability to cause damage outweighs the ability to outrun them. That said, I created a new team a few days ago, the Orc Assault Team. Time to run with a team of orcs. Below is my team: As you can see, a few of my young orcs have already gained a level. Those that have gained a level can add two points to strength, toughness, stamina, speed, or ball control. There are also special skills you can add instead of adding points to their abilities. I added the special skill of "fangs" to every player that is level 2. Fangs causes 5 points of damage randomly (I should have copied the exact text, I will do it next time, as I can't reach it now). Current Roster:
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I'm either having a stroke or your team is just a giant field of smileys. Either way I feel very uncomfortable with the situation.
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“A whole skin is worth a thousand victories.”
—Orcish Veteran of the Battle of Montford |
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“The Orc Assault Team were typical Orcs—quick to laud their own prowess in battle, quick to jeer at their opponents, and quicker still to run away when things started to look slightly dangerous.”
—Sarpadian Empires, vol. IV |
“The large fangs worn by Orc Assault Team members were among the least feared weapons ever known.”
—Sarpadian Empires, vol. IV On to training. From the FAQ:
That said, I'm training individual. |
Thank you for ruling out the possibility of a stroke. I feel far more comfortable now.
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“The Orc Assault Team delighted in lightning raids on Icatian and Dwarven towns; an unprepared enemy is easier to defeat.”
—Sarpadian Empires, vol. IV Tactics are next. I have none. Go team. I'm Will Ferrel from Kicking and Screaming. I'm using the default "standard tactic." |
“Orc must die / Orc must die / Not an orc? / March on by.”
—Dwarven marching song Quote:
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Quote:
I could use a footrub. |
“Your team must fear you more than the enemy. Only then will you triumph.” —Malga Phlegmtooth
League: I'm in Division 6.91, which I would assume means I'm in a pretty bad league. When I first put the team together, I was the only team in the league. Now the league is full and there are 8 teams in all. We're starting near the middle of the season...we will not play the first four rounds of the season. Since I'm a man with little plans, I don't care. |
the fastest guy on the team is called the fat?
anyways KUTGW this looks interesting |
In a rare display of ingenuity, the Orc Assault Team discovered the forward pass. Most Orcish passers are those who dared criticize its effectiveness.
Challenges. This a "friendly" of sorts. Injuries are a pain. You don't get very much cash from these matches, but the injuries can really sting. So far, I've only played the Raiders. They're dead to me, anyhow. Might as well use them as cannon fodder. As I write this, I have been challenged by "Nocturnal," a team of experience. Teams with some experience advantage like to challenge new teams. It's to their benefit. You gain experience from good things, not just being on the field. Teams with an experience advantage and therefore level advantage can really beat up on younger, weaker teams. I wouldn't have accepted the challenge, but he "paid" for it. Basically, he's a supporter of the game so he gets extra matches or something. I'm not putting money into this game yet. It would be nice to be able to rename some of those orcs, though. The first challenge we played, the Raiders won 5-3. The next day was a 4-2 win by the Raiders. I missed a day, probably from my taxed schedule, and then the Orcs started to pour it on. The Assault Team put up a 3-0 shutout against the Raiders, and followed it up with a 4-3 win today. I've impressed since the Raiders have a large EXP advantage. The Raiders have a number of players level 3 or higher. |
“Ready . . . aim . . . fire!”
“Ow!” This just in: Nocturnal 5, Orc Assault Team 0. I figured as much. |
Orc Assault Team players have a special incentive. Win or go to a battle. Some say orcs are stupid. I guess they're not all stupid.
The recent success of the Orc Assault Team over the Raiders also proves my point that strength is by far more important than speed. That and fangs. I'd have to say Fangs rule. |
“So they want to kill my orcs? Well two can play at that game.”
—General Khurzog Back to the Players page. There are a few options here. Obviously the players list I provided is there. Below that, though, is a little more detail about each player. ID#, Race (which seems redundant), Salary, value, shirt#, level, XP, XP to next level, and skillpoints. You can also see your base stats for the basic skills as well as stats for any modifications through training. You also get to see special skills and injuries. Below each players info are a few other options: Notes, statistic, sell, fire (level up, if applicable). Of these, you're probably most interested in statistic. Here I can see his matches played, what role he played in them, how much ball possession he had, how many passes he threw and what his completion% was, how many times he beat down an opponent down and the % of those that is was the actual ballcarrier, an injuries inflicted, as well as time% spent on the field. |
“It’s a thankless job, and you’ll probably die in an explosion. But the pay is pretty good.”
—Toothlicker Harj, Orcish Captain |
There’s a chance to win every battle.
You can also recruit rookie players on to the team, but since I'm running orcs, I don't need any new players. Screw it, we'll run with the 12 I have now. You can set shirt numbers if you're a supporter, visit the healer (if you have enough cash, you can auto heal your players here), and look at player statistics. A quick look there tells me Kadrug Handchopper is my scoring champ right now with 6 TDs in 7 games. |
"There is no natural disaster quite like the Orc Assault Team."
Unknown |
“Yes, the Orc Assault Team keep our soldiers entertained. But why do they have to make every battlefield a pigpen?”
—Toothlicker Harj, Orcish Captain |
“How did I ever let myself get talked into this project?”
—Toothlicker Harj, Orcish Captain Oops. I should have explained the above. It is the results of my first league match with the Orc Assault Team (OAT). I also had the information on "Fangs." However, I didn't copy and paste it. Basically, during an attack, it randomly adds 5 points of damage. |
“You idiot! Never let the Orc Assault Team mingle with the orcish regulars after completing a match. Now we’ll never get them to fight!”
—General Khurzog |
Nope, no luck myself...
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“The Orc Assault Team often employed the smaller, swifter, and less intelligent Goblins as watergoblins.”
—Sarpadian Empires, vol. I |
Orcs are not exactly known for their valor—although most Orcs have seen countless battles, only a handful have actually fought in them.
It's back up. I'll post more later, but for now: Fangs: The player can make an attack with his fangs giving the opponent 5 pts. of damage. The attack is made randomly during a fight. |
Some time ago, some twisted sorcerer needed fodder. He thought about what he needed in fodder, and came up with a formula. The formula and the ingredients are lost to history, but the result is here: Orcs.
All but my last player now has fangs. Here's the next skill I'm giving all my players. PUSH For each level the player gets an +8 bonus to his Strength during a fight when it is determind if he pushes his opponent back. |
Orcs are described as humanoid, roughly human-sized, ugly, and filthy.
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Our second victory, this one on the road. We're obviously not good with passing the ball. We wear our opponents out with brutality, scoring late to win the game against the outnumbered opponents.
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Orc Assault Team members aren't very smart, but can be cunning at times.
Update: I haven't forgotten about this. I've had a series of real life events unfold and this has just been on the backburner. I've continued to keep an eye on the team though, and we're doing well. We finished in 2nd place due to a tie last season. This season, we're chasing the team that beat us in the first week of the season. We're 10-1-1 lifetime in league matches. Our next match is at noon CST on Monday. |
If it were me i would go with the Gym level 1 at this point. Play to your strengths.
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Orc Assault Team 5, Gaia 0.
"Hey, Rakasch, you're fat." |
Going on Condors suggestion, as well as my own feeling, I bought the gym level 1 shortly after this game.
Four players improved a level, which went to improving their strength as well. In other news, the team we were chasing lost. That gives us first place for now, though technically we're tied in the Win/Loss column. |
Gaia 0, Orc Assault Team 9
Orcs love strong drink, and will drink any beverage that is fermented. Some of these beverages are toxic, but orcs don't seem to mind.
A nice blowout on the road. It's always fun to watch my orcs annihilate the competition. By the end of this game, Gaia only had one player left on the field.
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Weekly update
Though their days are filled with gambling, brawling, and boasting tales, an orc's only true joy is the pain of others.
The first post of this thread will now carry the current roster of the team. Basically, I don't plan on adding or removing any players, so the names will stay the same. Right now, Monster Bowl doesn't "age" the players and there is no ratings decrease over time. As for our league matches, we won both, 10-0 both times. Below are the stats from the games.
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We can run from them all game long, but the orcs never stop.
10-0 victory on the road. The Orc Assault Team is mowing down the competition.
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Referees are always concerned about any call that doesn't go to the Orc Assault Team, for obvious reasons.
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Orc crowds during matches are cruel. War drums are pounded when an opponent leaves the field due to injury. Bones, feces, and whatever else is handy is hurled on the field when an opponent scores.
I've done some revamping of the thread, and added "flavor text" as well as a few "orc" photos I've found on the web. I think it spruces the thread up. :) I did some reading in the community forum there, and it sounds like the Orc Assault Team measures up. We're behind top teams that have played for some time, but that's to be expected. Teams that signed up months before me I've caught up to or passed in regards to player levels. My goal in the beginning was to make strength my focus. It has been. Schnigrak Kneekicker and Rakasch the Fat are my only exceptions. I'm trying to make Schnigrak into a passer, and Rakasch is clearly the runner on the team. I'm pumping them with "accurate" and "speed", respectively. Otherwise, life is good at the Orc Assault Team Cave/Camp. I don't even mind the smell anymore. |
Orc Assault Team players don't necessarily play to win. Orcs play to injure every player on the other team. Winning is just an after effect.
Another solid victory, 9-0. Things continue to go well for us. We have about 100 empty seats, so there's no reason to upgrade the arena seating right now. We also have about 4000 in gold, so I may be looking to buy another upgrade in a week or two.
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The Orc Assault Team had a thirteenth member originally. When team funds ran low, the players drew straws, and ate the player with the shortest straw. No one has ever said orcs were the smartest creatures in the world. No one except an orc, that is.
Current standings:
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Orcs don't normally play Monster Bowl with any sort of gameplan. Why should they? Mauling their opponents seems to be effective enough.
10-0 victory with no injuries whatsoever. EMD, however, finished the game with only two players on the field. There are only two games remaining on the season, with one being against the Aznfighters. They, of course, handed us our only loss on the season.
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AE - After reading this thread I have signed up and started my own human team. FYI - you can change jersey numbers even if you are not a supporter at least I was able to anyways.
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Interesting. I'll have to give it a go. I do have a match today.
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As mentioned previously, we had a match today. It went well, with a record 11 goals for us. Next up, the highly anticipated rematch with Aznfighters. Our stadium was filled this week, so another 100 seats were added to the arena.
Team roster has been updated to reflect newly gained levels amongst the orcs.
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