Randall Simon vs. The Racing Sausage
 

I saw the footage on ESPN. It made me chuckle, but what the hell was he thinking?

Now THAT's entertaining!

Too... many... jokes...

Maybe this has something to do with a little bet on the bench?

If so, he won...and then he lost.

That may be the best contact the Brewer fans will see all year.

That's been the knock on Simon since he came up - he'll swing at anything.

LOL! Good one Jim.

So Simon was beating his sausage?

Wow Mac, Fritz is going to be pissed you took his joke.

No, Fritz is pissed Simon wasn't beating his sausage.

I would guess Fritz is more pissed about the waste of a perfectly good sausage.

mmmmmmm, sausage

YES! PAGE 2 INVESTIGATION!

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/sausagegate/030710.html

Lmfao.

ummmm, I have a question, what the hell was he thinking?

Arrested for beating a sausage... you know there has to be a David Cone joke in there somewhere.

Jim Morrison doesn't play for the Pirates anymore, does he.

You know, I've always wanted to do what Simon did. That's why I play Vice City. :D

I get into the golfers outfit, grab a club, walk down the street casually, wait for somebody to walk by and BAM! whack them on the back of the head with the golf club then run like hell.

I'm not a violent person nor do I generally find violence amusing but somehow I find doing this amusing, especially depending on the approach in general. It is an art form really.

I also find what Simon did funny as well because no one got hurt. It could have been worse; much worse and I'm glad it wasn't.

Man, w/ the Mike Williams All Star selection and now this, it is shaping up to be a great year for Pirates' fans. :rolleyes:

Ah....if they found out how many times I beat the sausage I would be in jail too.

No one in a silly suit is safe

No one in a silly suit is safe
By JIM LITKE, AP Sports Columnist
July 11, 2003

Any barbecue chef worth his sauce knows you don't tenderize sausage with a baseball bat.

But that's not the only reason we're taking Randall Simon's side in this one.

First, and most important, no one was really hurt.

Second, the Pittsburgh first baseman is too nice a guy.

And third, the way he's been swinging the bat lately -- 0-for-July -- no one would have been more surprised than Simon that he actually made contact.

Unless, of course, it was Mandy Block, the 19-year-old woman inside the sausage suit. And even she wondered what the fuss was all about.

In replays that led off every sportscast in America a night earlier, Simon is seen standing in the visiting dugout in Milwaukee on Thursday as the daily ``Great Sausage Race'' goes by.

The bratwurst, Polish sausage and hot dog pass without incident. Suddenly, Simon steps out of the dugout and strikes a glancing blow at the top of the Italian sausage with a bat.

This is his story and he's sticking to it: ``I thought at the moment they were trying to play with us. They were running right next to the players. I'm a fun player, and I've never hurt anyone in my life.''

Stupid as the prank was, Simon's record remains intact. Neither the sausage nor the hot dog she toppled over while falling to the ground herself suffered anything worse than a scraped knee.

Simon on the other hand, was taken away from Miller Park in handcuffs after Wednesday night's game and he did not play Thursday. He was grilled by sheriff's officers and declared Public Enemy No. 1 by a city that can be very touchy about its sausages and beer.

``This is one of the most outrageous things I've ever seen inside a ballpark or outside a ballpark,'' said Rick Schlesinger, Brewers executive vice president of business operations. ``It sickened me to see it.''

Get a grip, Rick.

Right off the top, it's a stretch for anybody who has to watch the Brewers play every day to be outraged by the mess somebody else created in a ballpark. And while there is no justifying the way Simon went about it, having people play along with the animals is the reason clubs put mascots in the ballparks in the first place.

``But 99 percent of the time, the trouble comes from drunks and you can steer clear because you can see it coming,'' said Pierre Deschenes, who should know.

From 1989-92, Deschenes' alter-ego was Youppi!, the mascot of the Montreal Expos and one of only three inducted into the Hall of Fame. He was following in his father``s footsteps. These days, as president of ProMascot, Deschenes tours the country doing shows and running three-day workshops for mascot wannabes.

He's had exactly one run-in with a ballplayer during that stretch and it came at home.

``We always would ring a bell when George Bell came to town, so he was in a bad mood, usually, to begin with. Then, I pick up his hat and glove. And when he finds out it is me, he punches me hard in my nose.

``To this day, I don't know if he means to hurt me or not. But that's why I always tell students, 'Have some limits. Be nice with people so they will make nice back.' But above all,'' Deschenes said, ``stay on your toes.''

In most cases, the occupational hazards are so great and the pay so small that it's a miracle anyone takes the work. Especially in the last 10 years or so.

Over that span, almost no one wearing a silly suit in the service of sport has been spared -- sausage or bratwurst, moose or duck, goat or bear, male or female, frightening or friendly, pint-sized, life-sized or oversized.

No sooner did most learn to deal with the familiar foes -- dehydration, lint, torn ACLs, kidnappings by rivals, crashes, attacks by other mascots, fans and players -- than some of the biggest names in the business were taken down because of political correctness and others hauled into court and charged with being overzealous.

In 1995, a jury awarded $100,000 to a 72-year-old man belly-bumped to the ground at a church carnival by the Phillie Phanatic. And the Phanatic got off that cheap only because he had a good lawyer. Last August, Billy The Marlin beat the wrap when a 77-year-old man sued him and the ballclub because he was struck in the eye by a rolled-up T-shirt fired into the stands by the mascot with a pressurized gun.

``I tell my students they must love the work,'' Deschenes said, ``because the crowd will find you out otherwise.''

And in the spirit of the best performers, Block took her tumble philosophically.

``It just seems ridiculous -- it's like a big sausage getting hit by a bat causes all this controversy,'' she told WTMJ-TV. ``It just seems kind of funny to me.''

Jim Litke is a national sports columnist for The Associated Press. Write to him at jlitke(at)ap.org

I too once almost hit a hotdog. I kid you not. It was many a year ago in Tampa.

I was in a Mel's Hot Dog which was a really cool hot dog establishment. They had never had a "mascot" but unbeknownst to me they had one that night. I didn't see him when I came in.

Let's just say that I was experience an experience called the munchies and my mind was engaged by the menu as I contemplated the culinary delight I was about to enjoy.

Suddenly I feel this hand grab my elbow and pull my arm towards it. I turned around and was face to face with a giant hot dog. I pretty much freaked and drew back my other fist and was ready to punch the lights out of the by now frightened hot dog.

I didn't swing but come on, you don't grab somebody's arm when they're not looking, especially if you're dressed as a 6 foot freaking hot dog.

I did laugh about it later and could imagine the headlines if I'd have hit him. I never saw another mascot in the store so either it was a planned one time deal or the owner thought better of it. In any case it was for the best.

Needless to say, I feel a certain kinship with Mr. Simon in the war against bothersome giant weiners.

This line just screams for someone to make a comment but I'm drawing a blank. :D

SI

I threw it in for effect but I too don't know what to say. :D