Front Office Football Central - FOFC mentioned on sportspickle.com

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Gary Mueller, who is known by the moniker “KillSmackPapa” on-line, has built up a reputation as a cocky, belligerent, loose cannon on the on the sports message boards he frequents. But in real life, Mueller – or “KillSmackPapa” – exhibits a completely different persona.

The 5-foot-6, 140 pound, 33-year old manager at a Chicago-area Dairy Queen lives with his widowed mother and is a longtime choir member at his church, where he often plays accordion solos for special music. He has an extensive comic book collection and goes to and from work in a pale blue 1987 Ford Festiva that he purchased in high school with money earned from a longtime paper route. And despite not having a girlfriend since the fourth grade, Mueller, by all accounts, is seen as a pleasant soul, if a bit uncomfortable in social situations.

But not when he has his computer on. Each day before and after work, Mueller becomes KillSmackPapa and fills sports message boards with venomous posts.

“You #$!%ers over here on the Packers board suck,” read a post from this morning by KillSmackPapa on the Green Bay Packers message board on ESPN.com. “The Bears are going to be back this year and will beat the %&$^ out of you losers.”

Mueller’s post on the Packers board is similar to the type of confrontational language he leaves all over the web as KillSmackPapa.

“KillSmackPapa seems like a very angry dude,” said Mike Letner, or MiLet18, a Detroit Red Wings fan and frequent recipient of Mueller’s vitriole on hockey message boards. “He is always talking smack and trying to pick a fight.”

Robert Wystrom, a Chicago sports fan who reads many of the message boards that Mueller frequents, says even those who support the same teams as Mueller find him annoying.

“He is extremely cocky and confrontational and often drives other users away from the message board because he can’t discuss things civilly,” said Wystrom. “A lot of people just wish he would post elsewhere.”

KillSmackPapa often claims in his posts that he would “beat the #!&% out of” those he exchanges messages with as he escalates the war of words, “but can’t, because we’re only online and not face-to-face. But if I met you I would destroy you.”

Both Wystrom and Letner were interested to learn that in real life, Mueller is just a spindly fast food worker who lives with his mom and has no athletic ability.

“That’s some great information to have,” said Letner. “Next time he says he would beat me up I’m going to give him my address and invite him over.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured he was a dork,” said Wystrom. “A lot of the guys like him you come across online are.”

Mueller refused comment for this story, but sent an e-mail to the reporter saying, “You better hope that KillSmackPapa doesn’t find out you’re writing this story or he’s going to be pissed and come after you. But if you do write it, please don’t mention that I don’t have a girlfriend or that I spend 10 hours a day online or that I like to post completely naked. Thanks. AND GO CUBS! EVERYONE ELSE SUCKS!”

Quick... someone go register the name KillSmackPapa before HornsManiac tries to come back here with his new alias.