Front Office Football Central - well that's a new one

...tested positive for alcohol use, in violation of the league's strict anti-drug policy.
...tested positive for drug use, in violation of the league's strict anti-substance abuse policy.
...tested positive for tobacco use, in violation of the league's strict anti-smoking policy.
...was arrested for a weapons violation, in violation of the league's strict anti-violence policy.
...was arrested for instigating a brawl during a party, in violation of the league's strict anti-violence policy.
...was arrested for assault, in violation of the league's strict anti-violence policy.
...was arrested for creating an R-rated rap album, in violation of the league's strict anti-explicit lyrics policy.
...was arrested for appearing on American Idol, in violation of the league's strict anti-teen trend policy.
...was spotted driving a 70-foot SUV, in violation of the league's strict anti-gas guzzling/terrorism support policy.
...was arrested for acting in a bad Hollywood film, in violation of the league's strict anti-negative image policy.
...was accused of designing computer football simulations, in violation of the league's strict anti-trust policy.
...was observed three-putting the 17th green, in violation of the league's strict anti-bad golf policy.
...was arrested for purchasing a 1,700-square foot ranch home, in violation of the league's strict rule against living in relative poverty.
...was arrested for having an affair with a White House intern, in violation of the league's strict anti-presidential scandal policy.
...was arrested for a drive-by shooting involving a Las Vegas entertainer, in violation of the league's strict rule against harrassing Sigfried.
...appeared on television with Dan Rather, in violation of the league's strict rule against manufacturing fake contract documents.
...was arrested for, um, leaving something behind in someone's closet that didn't belong there, in violation of just about everyone's sensibilities.
...was observed traveling to Asia in search of a society where mild drug use is encouraged, violating the league's rule against losing one's mind.
...appeared on The Bachelor, kissing and fondling no less than 25 women, in violation of the league's rule against having too many groupies in the huddle.
...flip-flopped repeatedly in a media interview, in violation of the league's strict rule against running for president while on an active roster.
...was seen dating Amber Frey, in violation of the league's strict rule against having anything to do with the Scott Peterson trial.
...was caught performing blue activities in a red state, in violation of the league's rule against overly superficial political expression.
...was seen marking a provisional ballot with purple crayons, in violation of the league's strict rule against defrauding the electorate.
...was seen listening to his iPod during pre-game warmups, in violation of the league's strict rule against appearing truly relaxed at any time.