J-Lo Gettin Busy
 

HAR!




hxxp://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/000798.html
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Jennifer Lopez has disgusting problems
Tuesday - March 29, 2005
They don’t just hand out websites, you know. It's an awesome responsibility, especially to an award winning* journalist such as myself. So in keeping with that, here's an completely unconfirmed story from an anonymous e-mail. Sources simply don’t come more rock solid and above reproach than that.

"In honor of another (sad) season of Project Greenlight, I thought I'd share an old Bennifer story with you, probably one you haven't heard before.

When you work in TV Field Production (as I do) you encounter many interesting crew guys with many interesting stories. This year at the Sundance Film Festival, we had just wrapped an interview with David Schwimmer where he told a funny story about Sly Stallone leaving his wireless mic on while being 'attended to' in a bathroom on set, and the evil sound mixer who turned up his volume for all to hear.


Once Schwimmer was gone our gentle Utah Local Audio guy, turned to us sheepishly and said, "Man, Schwimmer's story is nothing, I've heard way worse in my headphones on set."

The room went Silent. Our Sound Guy is one of those soft sincere dads who works in TV in a small town and is more impressed with his daughter's report card than a Hollywood star, so we were SHOCKED to hear what came out of his mouth next...

"Remember a few years ago when Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were here shooting Project Greenlight?" (They had gone to Sundance to interview directors and writers and try and create a publicity stunt and an episode out of it.) "I was doing sound in the condo where they were both lodging and filming. At one point Ben took a break from shooting and disappeared upstairs to his bedroom. By mistake he left his wireless mic on."

"Jennifer Lopez was there with Ben, but was hiding out in his room the whole time. At first when I heard Ben kissing her hello, I immediately went to turn the volume down on my headphones. But then they started kissing loudly and making noises, and I felt so guilty, but I left the sound up, and heard Jennifer saying 'I love you baby, I love you... You wanna get busy, baby. You wanna get busy?'"

"Then I heard Ben reply, .'Are you sure you're feelin' better? I don't want you to shit on me again.'"

Silence. Then screams from everyone on our crew. Our dear sound guy seemed like he had finally told a story he'd been holding onto for years, and was relieved to tell people who found it more funny than disgusting. I think it is perfectly both."


Mmmmmm, is there anything hotter than a condescending flat chested fat girl with bowel control problems. Rowwrrr, gotta get me some of that!

I don't believe this story, but I really hope a videotape shows up of JLo accidentally going number 2 on Ben.

She looks like a pooper.

OMG.

Cleveland steamers for all!

Damn. Stole my line.

:D

I always imagined she had a sweaty, stinky ass but this is just going too far.

Leave it to Ben to ruin a perfectly good romantic and/or sexual encounter with the "I hope you don't shit on me like last time" line. I bet that kinda killed the moment.

can you blame him for exercising caution?

Or being a little bothered at having been prevoiusly shit on.

Assuming this conversation took place, he could have referenced "that" without saying it explicitly.

Well, maybe he was trying to negotiate a Monroe Transfer...

:D

Ya know, it occurs to me that we don't know what sexual act was occuring during said movement, it's possible she was atop him in the 69 position when the accident occured.

Maybe it was an EXTREME situation.

Like, "are you sure you're not going to crap on me again?"

I'd say a chick shitting on your forehead is pretty fuckin extreme cocksucker.

"How's yer butt feelin?"

This thread has me slightly nauseated...

You arn't gonna crap yourself are ya?

You crap when you feel nauseated? I would hate to have to smell your breath afterward...

I've thought about it for an hour and I can safely proclaim that there is nothing sexy about a girl crapping on you.

If so, please alert franklinnoble so he can stop the recommendation.

You're no scatman, huh?

Is it better to be the crapper (and live with the embarassment) or the crapee (and live with the horror)?

Of course, this topic just HAD to be my 3,000th post.

All of the power, except over their bowels, which is all that matters to the crappee.

I'll go with the crapper. They seem to have all the power.

Much better to be the crapper.

Very much unsafe for work (or anywhere else) but for some very funny cartoons about this subject check out sexy losers dot com. 068 069 and 071.

Was the Gigli man trying to do it in the Butt?

Wouldn't you with J-Lo?

That's the only ASSet she has.

Well, I lets go over our options. Seeing as how he refers to her being sick I imagine that the movement was liquidy, so lets take that into account.

1. Doggie- She either shoots on his waist or it drizzles down onto Little Ben while he's in the act, this is very gross.

2. Cowgirl- Theres a chance she shoots it out and much of it misses Little Ben, but theres gotta be some drizzle. Disgusting but not overly so.

3. Reverse Cowgirl- Probably on his stomach/chest and he can throw her off quickly but if he stands up quickly its gonna get messy. One of the more pleasant scenarios.

4. Missionary- Chances are good that the contact of Poo to Ben is minimal, this is probably the best scenario.

5. Spoon- This may be the worst, as a projectile pooing is gonna nail him right at the waist and drizzle down and a trickle down is gonna splatter all over them. Not the most contact but this is gonna be super messy and if he doesnt notice it immediately it's gonna cause a super puddle/sloppy mess and probably get on everything.

6. Oral Sex/Missionary- Now we get into the worst case scenarios where his face is involved in the pooing, in this instance its gonna shoot on his chin, and a knee jerk reaction is probably gonna deliver a good blast right into his mouth, not good.

7. Oral Sex/69/J-LO on top- This is a tough one, if she projectiles it could blast clear over his head but even so it's likely that splatter hits him and then drizzle occurs which drops it right down onto his face. Worst case is that it's all a strong drizzle and it empties right into his mouth, at which point he's on his back gagging with poo in his mouth, this could be life threatening.

8. Any Form Of Analingus- We don't even wanna go there.

Im discounting anal sex because i can't imagine that if she was feeling sick she would allow it, if it was anal sex though, ewwwwww.

So in summation, lets hope that he was doing it missionary with a condom on.

Top notch analysis.

I'm guessing the fact he used the term "shit on me" indicates he bore the brunt of much of the projectile. #1 seems the most plausible.

Now you've officially spent too much time on this.

We need some female input on this... what would be the most likely position to cause you to accidentally go number 2 on your man?

I would guess that cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, squating would be the most likely. Any position where the girl is squatting I would think would leave them open to a very relaxed rectum, plus it's a natural pooing position.

Hell no. This is in my brain now.

This is the funniest thread I've read in a long time. Good show, fellas.

Shit on me once, shame on me. Shit on me twice...

For some reason when I read that, I mentally put the words in George Steinbrenner's mouth.

Where's the Madden telestrator when you need it?

how about a flere - o - gram.

Why do I keep coming back to check this thread?

Because it's just to much fun.
:D

No, it's gotta be from anal sex. Seriously, would you want any other type from J-Lo?

I think I would be perfectly happy with the doggy style. I have never been much of an "anal guy", despite being a truck driver.

Is that a truck driver thing or something? Never heard of that.

Especially after Puffy probably tore that shit out of the frame. With a ho like JLo, Ben's only option for sides and bottom might have been anal.

she probably pooped all over P-Diddy as well.

I highly doubt it was anal. I have never had a girl say to me "I really don't feel that good, stick it in my ass".

There was likely no warning. She probably went on him and played it off like she wasn't feeling well after.

His reaction doesn't strike me as though it was anal. He sounds like he's wary of normal intercourse.