Help For Those Counting Calories
 

It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research they are proud to present the results.


REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent............................2187 Calories


OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................8 Calories
With one hand...................................12 Calories
With your teeth................................485 Calories


PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.................................6 Calories
Without an erection...........................3315 Calories


POSITIONS:
Missionary.......................................12 Calories
69 lying down...................................78 Calories
69 standing up..................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow....................................216 Calories
Doggy Style......................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.............................2912 Calories


ORGASMS:
Real.......................................112 Calories
Fake...........................................1315 Calories


POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging...........................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.......816 Calories


GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years...................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years....................................124 Calories
50-59 years....................................1972 Calories
60-69 years....................................7916 Calories
70 and over....................................Results are still pending


DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.................................................32 Calories
In a hurry....................................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories
With your wife/husband knocking at the door............13,521 Calories

ROFL :)

Am I naive because I don't know what the Italian Chandlier consists of?

Actually, I was wondering that myself. Without googling it, I just assumed it meant actually having sex on a chandelier. But I'm sure someone here will enlighten us.

My oh my this is sort of embarrassing. No, actually the Italian Chandelier is where the man and woman are both facing the ceiling with the man on the bottom. The woman supports herself with her arms and gyrates.

Huh, learn something new all the time, didn't know that had a name. Chock that one up on the old 'positions done' list.

pix...pls...ah, nevermind.