IWS#111 RESULTS (heartily endorsed by st. cronin)
 

Real Stupid SEX

As an aside, I think it is worth pointing out that every single male entrant preferred death to tonguing Ron Howard. One female entrant enthusiastically embraced life, however.

Anyhow, this one wasn't even close. Special recognition to gottimd who not only scored the MIJB#19 Memorial Perfecto (1 point) but also has a nice outline working for a new Suburban White Trash biopic...to be optioned by Miramax in the near future.

1. Name someone that typifies the term "slut".

Wow - I thought for sure we would see Pam Anderson or Jenna Jameson or or Tara Reid or Carson Kressley in here...I hope everyone realizes that Paris was humping her boyfriend THAT SHE LOVES VERY MUCH in those videos!!!!

And to answer one of you...yes, I am a slut. I get so much tang I have my own wing at the Air and Space Museum here in DC...

Paris Hilton 18
Brittney Spears 2
Christina Aguilera 1
Subby 1
My dirty cum dumpster sister who has had anal sex with everyone in my neighborhood, men and women 1

2. Other than a vibrator, what sex toy is found most frequently in American homes?

Disappointed that someone was not forced to type Ben-wa Balls here. However, I am pretty sure that the Fist of Fury(tm) is going to be a huge stocking stuffer for the FOFC's married set this coming holiday season.

dildo 13
handcuffs 4
anal beads 2
blow up doll 2
whip 1
The Fist of Fury 1

3. At what age do the majority of American males lose their virginity?

It would be interesting to know the right answer here - my guess is it is somewhere closer to 20 or 21. I guess if we would have asked "At what age do the majority of American males *that regularly play text based sports simulations* lose their virginity?", then we would have seen the majority answer jump a good five or seven years.

Sixteen 14
Seventeen 4
Eighteen 2
Fifteen 1
Fourteen 1
Four (molested by kindegarten teacher) 1

4. In a recent survey, the American Sexuality Institute said that the number one animal that American males used for sex was a sheep. What animal was number two?

Hopefully no one Googled this, because I might have made it up. Still, the correct answer is based on years of second hand research provided to me by our Arkansas and Alabama contingents. As an aside, grizzly bears are very tender.

dog 11
horse 4
foat 3
cow 1
beaver 1
pig 1
cats 1
a lame mule that is mildly retarded 1

5. What is the most offensive sexual term or phrase you can think of?

Really disappointed here. Didn't get the colorful answers for which I was hoping. I challenge anyone to use the term "cunt" in a sexual manner. Dirty Sanchez, Cleveland Steamer, Donkey Punch, Golden Shower, and Playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with Herve Villachez all woefully under-represented.

cunt 11
Mother Fucking Cock Sucker 1 (okay, someone who fucks their mother AND sucks cock is probably also mildly offensive)
fuck 1
cum dumpster 1 (good one!)
mother fucker 1
bestiality 1
Bukkake 1 (patently offensive. good work.)
Dirty Sanchez 1
fuck you 1
no 1
Donkey Punch 1
Fucking Cunt Bag Whore 1 (a huge crowd pleaser at birthday parties and bar mitzvahs)

6. Name the least sexy living american male.

My secretary thinks I am very sexy. And he knows sexy.

"I know a MAN when I see one." - Herb Tarlek

Subby 4
Ron Jeremy 3 (Has any man ever done more with less? Maybe Vern Troyer, but that's it).
Michael Jackson 3 (I should disqualify this one since he barely qualifies as a living american male).
Howard Stern 1
Al Gore 1
Carrot Top 1 (Sexy if you are high on crack. But still not funny.)
Gallagher 1 (See Top, Carrot)
Michael Moore 1
Dick Cheney 1
George W Bush 1 (definitely the anti-Bill Clinton - our sexiest President since Taft).
Otis Nixon 1
Steve Buscemi 1
Brian Peppers 1
SkyDog 1 (speaking of sex items in american homes, I didn't see "large inflatable pool toy)
Fritz 1 (I have pictures that will change your mind)
Vincent Schiavelli 1

THE RESULTS

NOT SEXY

Gottimd 1
weinstein7 8
Vexroid 96
MIJB#19 1,008
Raven Hawk 1,512
TheLionKing 1,728
timmae 2,376
kingfc22 2,574
Desnudo 3,276
Shorty3281 8,064

Marginally Sexy

EagleFan 10,296
panerd 11,088
Oliegirl 12,012
DeToxRoxDVHStyle 22,176
General Mike 24,024
Raiders Army 36,036

Sexier than Normal

ThunderingHERD 226,512
Pyser 339,768
Chas in Cinci 396,396
RainRaven 396,396

Too Sexy for this Contest

JeeberD 1,189,188
Radii 1,189,188

THE SEXIEST COMPUTER IN HISTORY

QuikSand 1,585,584

Congratulations to DeepStupid...

Subby? SUBBY?!? SUBBY?!?!?!?!?! Fucking Subby cost me a back-to-back IWS?

Fuckin' FOFC... :mad:

I knew I should've put Women as my #4 answer.

Otis Nixon? Obviously the person who guessed this had no intention of winning. And if so, I would like to vote Willie McGee over Otis Nixon as the ugliest baseball player of all time.

Otis Nixon...


vs. Willie McGee

I WIN!

w00t!

Now, where's the little woman? I'm all revved up from all this dirty talk!

OH COME ON! GALLAGHER IS HIDEOUS!

My thoughts exactly. Minus the back to back part. Dear lord.

damn you Butters.

I now have the image of radii dancing to the old song, "I'm too sexy" in my head...that is classic! Sadly though, I am only marginally sexy, but appreciate the props for embracing life ;) As long as radii isn't too sexy for me, I guess I can't really complain!

So Brian Peppers is sexier than Subby?

I think I never managed to score a perfect 1. :D

I should have known that Subby would beat George W. Bush, that a dog would beat a horse, and let's not even think of why I mentioned a whip or why I do not know what 'cunt' means...

But you didn't try as hard as this.

American women are really fond of the word cunt, ask the next one you run into what it means.