Women of St. Louis County
 

You need to tag along with the Cougarmeister. I am in some weird kind of Babe-a-licious Zone, and it is an amazing voyage.

The other night I stop by a local mall to pick up a crock pot at JCPenney. Yeah, I know, I'm Mr. Excitement, but hear me out. I enter the mall and right away there are two young things walking in ahead of me, both in the 8+ range and dressed to kill. Okay, cool, no big deal. I make the turn to go up the escalator, and coming down on the other side is a woman who looks a lot like Catherine Zeta Jones at her finest. A little less buxom, but still prime choice material. WOW. I continue up to the second floor, and walk by this cookie place, where there is this whole gaggle of top shelf talent eating cookies and giggling. It looks like a cheerleader convention. Not just cute, but seriously HOT young women. I walk around them and decide to stop at the EB Games nearby to see if they might, by some odd chance, have WWSM06 on hand. And yes, I do realize how much of a geek I am at this point, going into a computer games store en route to buying a crock pot. And I expect to see the normal pimple-faced clerk in there...but no! Instead behind the counter there's this perky brunette with beautiful eyes and HUGE tracks of land bulging out of a low-cut blouse. As I'm looking over the shelf for the game (which isn't there), she very pleasantly asks if I need help finding anything. (thought: "Um, yeah, I think I might have accidentally lost a nickel in your marvelous cleavage") So I ask if she can check the computer to see if/when the game might be in. Little do I know that she has to bend over to read their computer screen, and it takes her a long time to track down the elusive game. MY EYES!!! Anyway, very sweet young lady.

On to JCPenney. I hate this store, by the way, but I have a gift card and we need a new frikkin' crock pot. I putter around and finally buy one, then head to the men's clothing section to buy a shirt to use up the rest of the card. I find something I like, but there's no checkout counter in sight. All I can see is a very large man (picture the guy in The Green Mile) stocking some new display case, so I ask him if he can point me toward the nearest checkout counter. He leads me through the racks of clothes, and we round this corner and here is this absolute GODDESS arranging clothes on a rack. She's wearing a clingy gray sweater and a tight black skirt, and turns to look at me with this radiant smile. I swear to God it was like something out of a dream. Time stood still. Finally, she asks the big guy what was up, and he says I need to checkout. So she leads me over to the counter, and I catch her perfume scent. My brain has gone to jelly. She is what I consider "knees weak" gorgeous. This is starting to sound like a Penthouse letter, but I'm just an innocent participant, I swear. Anyway, Penney's has got this really loud rap music just cranking over the speakers, and as she's ringing up the purchase we both chuckle because it's so obnoxiously loud. I make some cocky and funny little comment, she laughs, and then it's time to walk away.

I drive home, panting, to my wife and son.

Then comes last night, when I stop off at Wal-Mart on the way home from work. I hate Wal-Mart more than I hate Penneys, mainly because of the low-lifes that always seem to populate the place. And this visit is no exception. So I pickup what I need and checkout as fast as possible, but as I'm leaving the store I look up and here comes ANOTHER GODDESS. She's dressed in business attire, but in a very hot way - like the pre-nudity stages of a Playboy pictorial. She flicks her eyes at me as we walk past each other, and it's another "knees weak" moment. Again, I smell the perfume. Just brutal.

So there it is. Now today is just another day of babeage in St. Louis. Who will I see tonight?

8+ refers to their "ratings" rather than their ages, I am hoping...

or their IQ...

FM

Sounds like a perfect Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Yes. Thanks for clarifying.

As for age, I can't determine that with any accuracy these days. I'd guess in the 16-20 range, but who the hell knows?

Clark: "Yep, it's a little nipply out there."

hxxp://pages.cthome.net/digimstie/nsxmas.htm

OK, here's where the story loses all credibility. Even if by chance a hot woman entered a Wal-Mart -- and by no means will I grant that premise -- the fact that you are in a Wal-Mart automatically deducts 50 percent of all hotness ratings. You did not see a goddess in a Wal-Mart.

Either that, or am I sensing at dryspell at The Cougar Ranch ... ?

Coug, Roseanne Barr is NOT a goddess, nor should she give you any 'knees weak' moments.


Just wanted to set you straight.

Half of them were probably guys anyway.

This visit? I feel a Sixth Sense sort of ending coming on.

Until last night I would have said the exact same thing. So you are in the proper mindset to imagine my shock and awe.

Dryspell? And I thought it was all due to global warming. :p

I was actually thinking dress size at first.

Including Cougars?

Yes, even my inherent 41-year-old hotness suffers from Wal-Martism.

Mmm, there were apparently enough WalMart hotties for Playboy to do a pictorial on them.

I'm a little concerned at you pulling out the "cocky and funny" arsenal. You are married, after all. How could you lead her on like that? It's like using a .50 cal to scratch your nose! WHAT WERE YOUR INTENSIONS?


btw...if i remember correctly from pics, Lady Cougar is quite a nice looking lady. You wouldn't want this to get back to her, would you? Email me a list of your game collection, and I'll let you know what price you will need to pay for my silence.

Blind squirrel.......nut

Broken clock.....

etc, etc

Older men are hot. Older men at Wal-Mart are just missing their teeth.

I hope you're not going out tonight. My wife is up there somewhere.

Actually, Roseanne Barr, while not a goddess, can easily bring on 'knees weak' moments for men in 2 ways:
1) Singing the US national anthem; and
2) Requesting, and receiving, a piggy-back ride.

What mall were you at? I would assume either Chesterfield mall or the Galleria. Do tell, and I'll head over to JC Penny. :)

In the presence of a clingy-sweater-clad goddess, there's no time to think. This was purely instinctive cocky-and-funniness. Besides, the loud rap music threw me off.

I'm sure she'd be amused, but I can offer up a well-worn copy of You Don't Know Jack if it comes to that.

Heh. West County Mall. Or I believe the correct term is "Shoppingtowne." Enter by the "J Bucks" restaurant. The EB Games is on the second tier of shops, right near the JCPenney entrance.

If any thread is begging for "this thread is useless without pics", it is this one.

MizzouRah's going in under cover, with a mini digital camera hidden in his fly.

St. Louis has nothing on the campuses of Delta State and Ole Miss.

I vote Arizona State for hottest women.

FOFC Meetup for a beer at the malls of St. Louis!

Who's in?

It's always sad to hear the preliminary tolling of the bells of midlife crisis.

Where in the area is that? I've been to St. Louis 3 times now, so I'm starting to get a sense of where things are.

On a vaguely related note, is there a worse mall in the world than the one in that old converted train station downtown? Great location, a great job of repurposing the space, but I've never seen a bigger collection of worthless shops in one place. How many custom t-shirt shops and junque stores does one location need?

I'm going to have make a detour to St. Louis sometime soon I see to verify this. :D

Which Walmart? The West county is definitely a high level area for hot (very unobtainable) women. Don't know if I have ever seen any hotties at any of the local Walmarts.

FOILED AGAIN!!!

Know it well. ;)

No.... Union station is one of the most overrated malls EVER. I only go there before a Blues game or during March Madness.

Jump back onto Hwy 40 west and take that to Brentwood Blvd, you'll be right at the Galleria. :)

From the minute that I'm walking out my door
There's a million girls I've never seen before
Can't avoid 'em 'cause they're everywhere I look
They're so beautiful and I can't take it

Every day I fall in love again
Gotta get out of this state I'm in
It's the kind of game I play but I just can't win
Every day I fall in love again

Sunday morning when I'm walking through the park
Friday evening when I'm driving after dark
Can't avoid 'em 'cause they're everywhere I look
They're so beautiful and I can't take it

Every day I fall in love again
Gotta get out of this state I'm in
It's the kind of game I play but I just can't win
Every day I fall in love again

Will tomorrow be the same?
Maybe yesterday's to blame

Every day I fall in love again
Gotta get out of this state I'm in
It's the kind of game I play but I just can't win
Every day I fall in love again

Concur...

And so, when my eyes were thus distracted by local vixens, did the savage dagger from New England's dark woods strike deep into my back! :o

I-270 & Manchester (Des Peres)

Ah - got it. Not sure if I've been to that one or not. Most of my mall time in the area is the one by 40 & 170.

On a completely unrelated note, have any of you St. Louis area people checked out City Museum downtown? Wow, what a cool place - it's a playground for grown-ups. I went on a Saturday night and had a blast.

Coug.. we have to hook up sometime, I work on 94 and 40.

dude you are so wrong... I worked at Wal-Mart this past summer (yes it sucked ass) you would be amazed at the number of complete babes that came in there, expecially in August when the students were moving back in for school. Only good thing about working there.... well except getting high with my buddy during lunch :D

Hey, could you tell me where the Xbox games are?

"Uhhh.. what dude? I don't work here." :p

"Dude, I used to work at Home Depot and one time, like, we put glue on this toilet seat and like some old dude got stuck to it while taking a dump. It was awesome dude."

Yeah, but the number of hot college students who shop at Target dwarfs the number of hotties at Wal-Mart. Mid-August in Tallahassee, Target is the place to be. That, and the Publix closest to campus.

Pics please....:D

We should start calling you Quagmyier.

There's your cause and effect relationship.

I've said it before I'll say it again -- things that are funny and hot when you're high are not actually funny and hot. It's that go-to-bed-at-2-with-a-10-wakeup-at-10-with-a-2 phenomenon.

I demand you return, inform one of them that there's this guy in Chicago with a penguin hat, and insist they be fedexed to me at once.

I've had a couple of days like WSUCougar described. It's been a long time since that happened, though.

I'll bury a little nugget in this thread, though, and we'll see if anyone makes a reference to it in the weeks or months ahead. Six weeks ago, I had a bunch files on my work computer with Chinese characters in them. Unfortunately, my computer didn't have the Simplified Chinese font installed, so I couldn't even display the characters (not that I could've read them anyway). I put in a request with the help desk to come bring a Windows 2000 CD to install the font onto my computer. I told a friend about this, and he said that I should have sent in a request for a cute Chinese girl to translate for me. A week later, they finally brought the stupid CD to me. I spent two days copying and pasting into Babelfish, figured out what I could, and then I forgot about it. Guess what I got today?

Someone at the company brought a cute Chinese girl to my desk and instructed me to help her with any of her immediate needs. :D

Now I just wonder if they're running a packet sniffer on my computer...