Dude ex-girlfriends be crazy
 

That's all. I don't need advice because I know how to handle the current situation, I'm just like.. wow.. let it go. Move on. Please.

Is that, "Dude! Ex-girlfriends be crazy!"

Or more like, "Ex-girlfriends who are dudes be crazy."

the second one

you never should've broken up with suicane

Had a friend who was stalked by an ex for a while. It was a hillarious story, at one point he was at the police station as an officer spoke to the girl's parents. His side of the conversation went something like this. "Oh Really?"...."Oh so she's done this before?"......"Oh really!"..."I'll let him know"...."Yes Thank You....Oh?!...OKAY I'll pass that on". Then the officer hung up, and said "Yeah your screwed...She's a crazy bitch. Crazy but apparently harmless according to her doctor"

He had gone to the police after she had chased him across the city in traffic at one point rear ending him, and spinning her tires trying to push his car into an intersection.

He's a teacher, and one night she broke like a dozen alcohol bottles against the door of his classroom. The principal wasn't real happy with him about that.


It all ended well though about six months later I was with his roommate, and we walked in on him screwing her on the trunk of his car in his garage. I guess she was actually quite talented.

I suspect that is not actually the end of the story...

Hope the chick was light weight. I wouldn't want to risk denting my car with a big girl.

Well to be fair my roomie has a ex crazier than mine. She finds out what he will be doing later that night from other people, randomly shows up to make it extra-awkward, spends half the night crying to make the situation shitty for him, then goes and sleeps in his bed waiting for him.

He should booby trap his bed.

does your ex look 9 years old like you do?

Trying so hard to come up with a non bannable response.....It just isn't in me.

College is great, ain't it!?

More 7, 8ish. I like em young.

I was stalked for a long time...but it's ok now ..we are married.

Bruce: You again!

Woman: Are you following me?

Bruce: Why no. I'm stalking you.

Woman: Oh, really?

Bruce: Yeah.

Woman: The neighbors have been saying there was a man with a slightly crazed, yet focused demeanor standing for a long time in my hedge, neck pivoted to my window.

Bruce: Yup. That's me!

[Both giggle]

Woman: Well good.

Bruce: Great.

Woman:...well it's good to finally meet you.

Bruce: Nice to finally meet you.

Woman: So, how you been?

Bruce: Oh pretty good, you know-- same old, same old.

Woman: I guess you're not gonna ask me how I've been cuz you've been watching...

Bruce: ...I've been watching you.

Woman: Right.

Bruce: A lot...

Woman: So whatcha been up to?

Bruce: Oh ya know, not too much. The stalking keeps me pretty busy. And actually I've got a bit of a cold right now cuz it's really lousy weather for... stalking.

Woman: Can I ask you one question?

Bruce: Shoot.

Woman: Why *are* you stalking me?

Bruce: Because you are the one. You are the unspoiled virgin bride. You are the blond canvas on which I will paint my future. Don't you remember? You smiled at me once in a croissanterie. We never spoke; we didn't have to. You chose me. Now I stand outside your window waiting. I stand there and when you go to sleep I become calm. I can feel my heartbeat slow down, and beat...just...like...yours.

Woman: [giggling] Ohh! I get it; perfectly clear.

Bruce: Yeah, anyway.

Woman: See ya.

Bruce: Well, happy shopping.

Woman: See ya. Thanks and happy stalking.

Bruce: Thanks. Nice bumping into you.

Woman: See ya around.

Bruce: Hey you changed your answering machine code, eh?

Woman: My co...my code? Yeah. I have...I have to get going now cuz someone's waiting just to...

Bruce: Oh, okay. Sure. Really? Cool. Nice meeting ya. That went well. Yeah.

Dont panic until stuffed toy animals with knives stabbed in them start showing up on your doorstep. (And hell NO. I have never ever given a woman a stuffed toy animal)

I hear you on this one. I know what this is like...