OT-bad wedding toasts
 

I went to a wedding yesterday and the toast by the best man was the most god aweful thing to have to sit and listen to. I was glad he didn't make any inappropriate jokes or comments, but he was so unprepared I was embarresed for him. I just don't understand how someone thinks it is a good idea to shoot from the hip instead of come prepared. All I know is when I get married my best man better be prepared and make a damn fine toast, because if he fucks it up I'm voting him off the island.

He could very well have been unprepared, but a lot of people are scared shitless about speaking in public. One of my good friend's brothers is this way. Before the reception we were standing around talking about how happy he was for his brother and the things he was going to say in his toast and he got up there is froze. He actually had to take a time-out and dry vomited in his hands. I know for a fact that he was sober (at the time) and prepared, but I bet every person in the audience thought he was a drunkin fucker who just ruined the wedding. Just my $.02

I don't understand why some people think when someone messes up a wedding toast that it messes up the wedding. Its at the fucking reception, not the wedding.

True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...

Damn staight. It's these kinds of people for which weddings must be the absolute worst days of their lives, worrying about every little thing that might "ruin" everything.

As for toasts, I have to do one in July, and I have no clue what to say. I'm not afraid of speaking in public, but I have the kind of personality where no one will buy "mushy sentimental" from me. I feel like I need some kind of gimmick or I'll come across as lame or disingenuous.

QOTM material. Eventhough this is sounds strangely familiar, I'm willing to simply credit Bsak for having an interesting love life.

See if you can work sheep and sex in. I've seen that work.

I actually more or less shot from the hip for a wedding toast, and I have been told numerous times since by people at that wedding that that was one of the best toasts they had ever heard. Not going to say I didn't think of anything and just spoke--I came up with a little story to tell, and I didn't really need notes to tell it. So I did, got a laugh, and then bid my friend well on his journey, or some such.

Don't know that I recommend that, though. I do stuff like that and pull it off, but I know a lot of people can't and shouldn't try.

See: Old School

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0302886/quotes

EDIT: Beat.

I actually forgot my wedding vows. After that, a bad toast is nothing.

I don't want to give the wrong impression. I don't think a poor toast ruins the wedding, I just felt bad for the guy.

The advice Owen Wilson gives in Wedding Crashers is actually good advice-just say something from the heart. I've had to give two best man toasts in the past two years, and I would say 1) keep it short 2) traditionally it's a toast to the bride, so SAY SOMETHING REALLY NICE ABOUT THE BRIDE 3) give props to the best friend/brother/etc who asked you to be his best man in the best way you can think 4) toast the newlyweds! they're married and it's joyous.

Then you're off the hook and it's time to party!

no pressure or anything, thanks....fwiw, i have done the toast as best man 3 times, and every time left many people in tears with the awesomeness of my words.

Here's a good option for a toast by the best man. Stand up there and say something about how great the couple is, how wonderful they are together, etc. Then, state that since they are now married, you need to tie up any loose ends. Ask that everyone that has a house/apartment key for the wife's place of residence please return their key. Of course, you will have pre-planted keys with all of the groomsmen and a few other friend of the groom for good measure.

Then, ask that anyone who has a key for the groom's place of residents please return their key. Of course, make sure to give keys before-hand to several older women in the audience and a couple of the female waiters. In addition, have a man wait until all of the ladies have returned their keys and then have him sheepishly stand up and return his key to the groom.

Finish it off with a quick toast and you're good to go. FYI....if you need a bunch of keys, just go to a hardware store and they will most likely have keys that were made incorrectly that they will give away.

what if you hate the bride and everyone thinks shes a fucking bitch?

no prob. Just don't fuck it up...

Then say you're sure she'll keep your buddy on his toes.

does that mean i should get her name right?

Not bad.
Not bad at all really.

And on the opposite end.. Steve Buscemi in The Wedding Singer is a good example of what not to do.

Let me be the one to disagree. Never, ever say or do anything that reflects badly on the bride. You would basically be calling her a whore. Joke or no joke, if you find the one bride in 100 who doesn't think its funny...congratulations, you just ruined a wedding.

My first best man still toasted her. I demoted him for my last wedding.

Uhhh, you got something to tell us, bud?


My brother can't do any worse than I did at his wedding, so it's all good... :)

not really, just that when I do get married Saldana will be the best man.

Psst ... Logan ... I think he was kidding, and I was referring to it being a good comedic image, not a good idea.

FYI....I was dead serious. I've seen it done at 3 weddings now. It's gone wonderfully at all three weddings. Everyone loved it. I suppose it might not go off well at a very conservative type of wedding, but it would go just fine at most.

I advise anybody not to do the "key" thing. It's been done about a billion times (the first time was at a wedding I went to 10 years ago), and is pretty unoriginal. You'd get more rolling eyes that if you did fall down drunk. The best advice -- keep it very very short.

I guess I hadn't seen it before. Apologies for bringing up an unoriginal idea.

You're a bad example. You're an excellent story teller and have the gift to talk on and on and on. Okay, I'm thinking about your creative writing skills here, but if you write like you speak, there's no way you could have done bad there. :D