San Francisco, it's a hell of a town.
 

I'm not sure if this is really worthy of it's own thread, but I don't know where to put it.


Any-the-who, I was in San Francisco last night with a group of friends. We hit a bar, then walked around Haight/Ashbury, perusing the cheesy wares all the counterculture stores had to offer. We hit up Ameoba, tattoo shops, a bunch of stores selling passe pop-culture referencing t-shirts, and some barbecue joint. My buddy Glenn wanted to get a coffee, but all the coffee shops were closed, so we walked to McDonald's. Now, if you have never been to San Francisco, the..uhm...transients are quite abundant and VERY aggressive when it comes to panhandling and socializing. I had a guy with who suffered from a severe dearth of both teeth and overall personal hygiene just come up to me and tell me a joke equivalent to something you'd read on a popsicle stick. I responded in kind with a more off-color joke I had heard recently on an episode of Lucky Louie.

ANYWAY, we're en route to McDonald's, and Haight has become a veritable circus of life's castoffs, as it tends to do. The most enlightening moment came when a black dude on the fringe of society came up to our group with a wooden fish mounted on a piece of wood. Like a used-car salesmen, he layed the sell on rather thick. Here was his pitch:

"Yo, dis here a sex fish. Any man touch it and his penis grow two inches! Any lady touch it she have an orgasm immediately. Six dolla!"

Needless to say, everyone was enchanted by what they had just heard, but decided to keep walking. He wasn't gonna drop it that easy. He followed us for two blocks, and started dropping the price during a negotiation that took place without the hassle of an interested party. I then found a broken fan laying on the sidewalk, and proceeded to pick it up. I announced to everyone within earshot that "This is the sex fan! Anyone who touches it will take a whirlwind ride into a mediocre porn career...and it's price is two dollars less than whatever the sex fish is going for."

The guy selling the sex fish became incensed and followed us into McDonald's, where from across the dining area, he went into a 10 minute diatribe about how he doesn't need help from the government, and how I shouldn't be mocking him.

Anyway, the point of the story is: "San Francisco pwns!"

The one time I went to San Francisco I went to wash my hands in a diner at about 2:00 AM, and I almost pricked my hand on a syringe that happened to be in the sink.

I miss San Francisco.

Next time you're in the Haight, go to Memphis Minnie's for the best BBQ I've had outside of South Carolina. They are the only place I found in CA with actual sweet tea. They have S.C. mustard-based sauce, vinegar-based sauce, the whole shebang.

Thanks for the tip...yeah I've never been served sweet tea in CA. That's a cool touch.

SF is like Vegas for me....a grand time if I limit my time there to one weekend a year. I spent a few years in the bay, towards the end of the dot-boom, and it nearly turned me into Travis Bickle....I think at least half of those toothless, crazy folk (and there IS a fuck-load of them) were probably fine upstanding citizens before they got a whiff of whatever they're putting in the water down there.

When I worked for GameSpy, Interplay flew me up there to check out the first Baldur's Gate PS2 game.

My hotel was on the same street as Union Square, although I've forgotten the name; anyway, after checking in, I did some exploring on foot, since it had been about 5 years since I had been to San Francisco.

Heading away from Union Square in a more-or-less westerly direction, I saw this guy sitting down, leaned up against a building. He had a hat or a jewelry box or something like that set up to receive donations. No sign, though.

He basically hollered at people as they approached, and cursed them out if they didn't drop anything in the hat. Thing is, dude looked about 240 pounds, and was probably on the low side of 6 feet tall. Didn't look like there was anything stopping him from an honest day's work, so I'm guessing yelling obscenities at some people and getting money from others was either a better living or more fun for him than 9-to-5.

Still the strangest thing I've ever seen in a big city, though.

San Diego's better.

I bought a Gremlin in China Town.

You got ripped off. You should have bought a Mogwai...

not my favorite town that San Fran.

is the Mitchell Brother's O'Farrell Theater still open?

Good times....

Least. Surprising. Quote. EVAR.

Maybe he did but fed it after midnight ;)

SI

So how much did you end up paying for the sex fish?

Over the past 10 years, SF has become my favorite big city (which I generally don't like). I usually make a trip out there at least once, maybe twice a year and will be spending a weekend partying there in August.

All cities have their good parts and bad parts and SF is no different. Since their are many, many neighborhoods and districts over a fair good size area, you have to go wanting to look for the more seedy or more different elements because it is definitely not pervasive as most ignorants believe. 99% of all of the people I have encountered in all of my years there were either Asian families, white collar professionals or tourists. Then again, I don't go trawling around the Castro or the Tenderloin much. In the past 10 years, my brother has lived and worked in the Richmond and Sunset districts and found these areas to be wonderful. The stores, restaurants and dim sims along Clement, Geary and California are great - very diverse and fairly unique. Most of the places (bars, etc.) along the various waterfronts are also great. In fact, I find SF so safe and family-friendly (for a big city), that I have taken my young son there 4 of the past 5 years.

Not really a fan of San Fran. Hate it, actually.

I've always liked SF because it feels more like an east coast city. It has a lot of foot traffic which is unusual in most western cities.

Only city in which I've found myelf caught in a gun fight which, in retrospect, was pretty cool - since I didn't get shot or anything.

I would have bought the sex fish, especially after the guy dropped the price a couple of times. I mean, how do you know it doesn't really work?

It's stories like this that make me miss living in a metropolitan area. I'm sure New Orleans isn't as big as San Francisco, but there was always something happening. I worked in the French Quarter for a few years, and I have several stories that are somewhat similar to the sex fish. Things like that just don't happen in Greensburg, PA.

One of my favorite "city" stories involves me standing at a bus stop. The bus stop was on the same corner as a small grocery store, so there were a few people going in and out of the store. There were also some people hanging around outside. I heard a strange noise behind me, but I didn't bother to look. I didn't know what the noise was, but I figured that maybe it was somebody playing with an animal or perhaps trying to get their bike unlocked. I don't really know. It was just a weird sound.

The sound continued for a solid five minutes before it stopped. It had been a cloudy day, but the clouds began to part, so my shade disappeared. Five minutes after the noise ended, I started to head underneath the grocery store's awning. As I turned toward the store, I discovered what the noise had been. A man standing behind me had been vomiting on the sidewalk for five minutes straight, and it took me another five minutes to notice.

I don't know if this kind of thing happens in San Francisco, but if it does, I may have to book a flight. Thanks for reminding me. :)

Outside of Philly which is my favorite city because I grew up visiting a great deal, SF is my favorite city to visit. I've had a great time every time I've gone. I've been there 3 times for 3, 5, and 10 days and I don't think I've run out of things to see in and around the city. They also have my favorite restaurant of any of the cities in the USA that I've visited: The Stinking Rose.

theres a stinking rose in los angeles, too.

i never knew they were a chain.

I didn't know that either. I hope they make their way out to Louisiana at some point.

Edit: Just looked it up. There are only the 2 locations currently.

It was still open the last time I was out there a couple of years ago.

I was amazed at the stuff they got away with there. Good times, indeed.

I thought after you tossed the 5th or 6th one on that pile in your garage, you would have figured it out, Pumpy ;)

SI

Everything west of the Rockies and south of say...Eugene Oregon can fall into the ocean.






Please




With sugar on top....



If someone makes this happen I'll find them a cherry to pop.

So...you still selling the sex fan?

I'm sad to say I laid the sex fan to rest. It seems that people suck at buying quality merchandise. I briefly considered the fact that I was selling a product that nobody wanted, but I came around.

Just damn!