Dating...
 

Why do we men have to pay for dates?

I started talking to this woman online. Her pics are attractive and everything. She asked if I wanted to meet for drinks. I said yes, then it turns into "So think about where you want to have dinner."

I thought about showing up on Saturday and opening up the conversation with "It was so nice of you to invite me to dinner, not many women feel strong enough to do that. Most feel that it is the man's responsibility to pay for the first date. That's how I knew there was something special about you..."

I canceled instead.

It came down to do I want to pay for dinner and drinks with someone that there is a good chance I will never get anywhere with and never see after she cashes that Saturday evening meal ticket, or would I rather spend $75 for a ticket to see the Giants/Jets game on Sunday.

I love football. :D

It sure seems way outdated that the man pays.

I think it's still the way to go if it's the guy asking out the chick out of nowhere, "Can I take you to dinner."

In an online dating situtation though, I don't see why splitting the tab shouldn't be the default.

On the serious side...I think it's just 'tradition' that the gentleman pays. I guess it really boils down to what your tolerances are when it comes to that stuff. Maybe meeting for coffee, (if you drink it) that way it's not much a loss if things don't work out.

I would definitely go to the football game though.

I'll pay, but not on the first date...and usually not the second date. Once I feel that he's someone I want to get to know better, and I feel that he feels the same way, then I'm fine with paying.

If it's a "blind date", like an online thing or a set up, I always offer to pay my half - usually when the check comes I reach for my wallet and say something like "how much do I need to put in" or something like that...I've never had someone actually accept it, they always say "don't worry about it, I've got it" and I thank them for the drinks, dinner, whatever. I have had someone decline my offer to go in on the tab, but tell me I could leave the tip...that was kind of weird. I'm not dating him anymore, but it had nothing to do with that.

Because women have vaginas, duh.

It's not about fair. It's about do you want to get laid.

Enjoy the game. Don't go blind afterwards.

That's actually a nice option I think. I've never done it, but I can see the logic behind it being that you offered to pay, and so he doesn't want to reject your kind offer... but instead of having you pay $20 or whatever for your half of the meal, you leave a $5 tip. You still pay, but not as much.

That's actually fairly common anymore. Or at least it is down here.

I had no problem with it. The only reason it was weird was b/c I only had a $20, so we had to go through the getting change thing...but I had no problems at all with leaving the tip, or chipping in on the bill.

To be serious, I always just go ahead and pay. If she wants to invite me and pay some other time, that's cool, but there's nothing less romantic than calculating how to split the check.

I never have a problem paying during the pursuit phase it's just tradition I guess. Once we start seriously dating things naturally become more democratic regarding paying.

I remember being annoyed when I was dating an actuary. She was making much, much more than I was, but I still ended up footing the bill more often than not. Hey moneybags, open your purse once in a while.

Haha, that's pretty funny since I'm an actuary and was going to say that I find the idea that the guy always pays seriously offensive. I can't believe there are people out there that still believe that's the way it should be. Passacaglia and I actually went to a restaurant once where they give the man a menu with prices and the woman's menu has no prices. Too bad I was too wimpy back then to say anything.

Then again, I'm one of those feminists that believe women and men are equal and should be treated equally in every respect, not just the ones that are convenient for me.

Oh yeah, and why'd you cancel without even knowing for sure if she'd make you pay? That seems kind of weird.

That's great... what happens if two women go together - free dinner!

This could be the reason you are looking for a date. I used to always pay for a woman on early dates. If we kept dating we split expenses a bit more, but overall it is our responsibility to pay for the first dates.

I believe it goes back to when men had to prove they could be a provider for the woman and any family they chose to start. Remember, the vast majority of women in this country did not work until WWII...

I always pay, because it's not that big a deal.

How many dates do you go on?

I have a couple of female friends who urge me to get out there and date. They date quite often, even having "practice" dates with men that they have no intention of going anywhere with, other than to have dinner and get out the apartment. They urge me to do the same.

The problem comes in that they see nothing wrong with having three or four dates a week. If I were to do that, that would be $200-$300! For women, it's no big deal since they don't have to come up with a single dime.

The last time I went out to dinner with a woman I had any interest in it just was ok. There was no spark. I still paid, even though it was pretty obvious that she makes more than me. I walked away wondering why the hell I just blew $60 on someone I would never see again.

My name is not Shawn Kemp. I am not a meal ticket.

I'm not even sure what to say on this discussion, but I feel like something should be said. In the vein of whoever said, "no wonder you're having trouble." First -- just because you agreed to have dinner, doesn't mean she expects you to pay. There is nothing wrong with going dutch. If she has a problem with it, and you have a fundamental problem with always paying, clearly you guys are not clicking anyway. Hell, on the first date with my wife I brought a "coupon" from restaurant.com. If she thinks you're a cheap bastard, then screw her.

Because when you meet the right girl all the other first dates you paid for will make it worth it.

dola-

I think I was just possesed by Izulde.


There are also alot of women out there who will feel obligated to put out since the guy paid for them. They feel like they owe them something.

I usually end up paying because I have to do something to make up for my ugliness and lack of social skills.

i'm glad I never have this problem.

errr umm...i mean...i'd love to have this problem

I agree with those who said pay during "courtship", and then when you're exclusive, it's whoever has cash on them....

Traditionally, if it's all women out to dinner the oldest woman gets the menu with the prices on it. My wife bought me a guide to fine dining not too long ago and this information was actually in it. Who knew it would allow me to add to my post count! :D

Not to threadjack but damn, it's women like these that give some of us a bad rap... no offense but they sound like money grubbers to me.

fixed ;)

I don't go out with someone unless I'm geniunely interested. And even then, I can usually tell well before a date whether or not there someone I'd really interested in getting to know. This is the long stretch I've been single (almost 2 years) since I've been an adult (I'm 28) and I'm just a lot more discerning about who I go out with.

Part of it is the dearth of 'quality' women where I'm at and the fact that usually if I'm going on a date, it's somewhere in Colorado, which means that's at least an hour to drive to meet them and so, it cuts out on a lot of the waste of time dates I'd be more likely to be go on or "well I have nothing else going on" type deals if I lived in the city.

Har, har, full of jokes aren't ya? Not all of us are like that, thank you very much.

ooohhh cat fight!

Same here.

I went on a date once with a woman who insisted that her cousin (female) come to the drive-in because she didn't trust me. We get to the movie and the cousin didn't bring any money, so I reluctantly paid for her. I get a call a few days later from her that she'd love to go to dinner with me. When I told her I was getting ready to head to work, she replied "That's ok, my cousin and I can just come by and get the money to go to dinner from you." I hung up.

Another I went out with on a couple dates, but she wouldn't let me even kiss her. The second date was to a concert, and when I tried to get close at the end of it she informed me that she didn't think of me that way, but would love to continue going out as friends. I had to go to concerts as part of my job (on-air at a radio station) so when another appearance came up and I was dateless I made the mistake of calling her, only because it never hurts to have a woman on your arm that looks good. She got all excited, because as she said she really wanted to go to the show, but it was sold out. She said she had planned to go with a guy she had been seeing who had tickets, but they were no longer speaking. I mentioned how I had planned on taking someone else, but similarly we were no longer speaking. She took offense, that I had considered taking another woman. When she balked at my suggestion that since I had tickets that she pay for dinner I told her to enjoy the concert, if she could get in without a ticket, then hung up. She called me back, offended that I would hang up on her. I asked her to do me a favor that would have me in debt to her for eternity. She asked what it was, I said "I just ask that you never call me again." and hung up again. :)

I have had so many bad dates that at this point I don't see the point in paying for any more unless I have some idea of who she is and that it could lead to something good.

When you find an apple with a wormhole, you don't really feel like looking thru the rest now, do you? :cool:

You do if you're hungry enough.

Dude, you need to move down South and date some nice Southern girls...we treat our men with courtesy and respect. I would NEVER do either of those things to a guy, whether he was someone I was truly interested in or not.

Count me in as one of those, "this is why you don't go on dates" people...

IMO you're being completely absurd.

From NJ and Married a Texas girl.

I will admit the woman down south are more traditional and I'm ok with that.

I have it on good authority that the only time Tom Brady pays for dinner is when he's out with his O-line.

I honestly believe that if the world were down to one man with 3 billion women remaining, he would still be expected to pay for dinner. :D

Cheap ass motherfucker... :mad:

;)

60 BUCKS!?

I suggest taking her to Denny's next time.

He's in NYC. That probably WAS Denny's.

Man, I'm glad I don't have to date anymore.

That said, I am married and I still pay for everything.

Ouch...so you go out to a "fine" restaurant and then get insulted by being called the oldest chick at the table.

It was actually a mexican place with pretty good prices. I'm glad we didn't go to a place like where a female friend suggested we go last time we had dinner... the bill for two dinners, one appetizer and three drinks was $90. We split the bill. :D

Rio? If you couldn't get laid after three drinks from that place, you have issues. :)

Don't know Rio, but I guarantee that I could blow that three drink thing out the window there...

Its probably the only time he can get laid and not have to worry about a pending pregnancy too. :D

My wife makes fun of me for being a "cheap date" since we tend to alternate who pays. Then again, the money not spent is being used towards paying down debt so, in essence, it all comes out of and goes to the same pool in the end.

SI