Dear Detroit Lions Organization
 

Dear Detroit Lions Organization,

I am an underemployed, lifelong Lions fan. Just about the only thing I want more than the Lions to succeed is to get a job that will allow me to keep my home and remain in Detroit.

Here is where we can help each other out.

Your team seems to have a common theme with players that don't know how to avoid getting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle without being completely fucked up.

I can help here!

I am not the only person in Detroit in this position. Hire us to be designated drivers. Imagine the simplicity! Some guy like me driving one of your players home (or wherever they go when loaded) avoiding the potential for them looking like idiots, earning suspensions... or worse.

People who are not football players come cheap too! I'll happily work for an entire year for what Suh pays out in an average fine!

Gold :D

SI

You know that every team in the NFL has a car service for their players, right? That came out a couple years ago in the Braylon Edwards case. The fact that they still get caught with DUIs is ridiculous.

The Detroit Lions: Because the NFC demands their own poor man's version of the Cincinnati Bengals.....

I was thinking recently of the Lions being the NFC version of the Bengals.

Bah! The Lions can beat the Bengals on the field, at the bar, in a crackhouse... anywhere you can think of!

Eric Wright of Tampa Bay Buccaneers arrested on DUI charge in L.A. - ESPN

Proving that once a Lion, always a Lion...

The NFL should put in the collective bargaining agreement that any player arrested and convicted for DUI can only make the league minimum for 2 years. It would be under the "Off Field Stupidity" section of the contract.

The fact that anyone gets caught with a DUI is ridiculous. Easiest thing to avoid

Corey Williams, come on down!

Report -- Detroit Lions' Corey Williams facing DWI charge - ESPN

Isn't Eric Wright the rapist? EF27...any help here?

Detroit Lions CB Aaron Berry Arrested and Charged With Assault, Tweets Detroit Lions Official Account

So... the torch has now officially been passed from Cincy to Detroit, right?

Technically Minnesota owns it, but the Lions are all about getting first place in the division.

Berry just upped the ante a bit...

This is the closest thing to a mirror of what happened in 06-07 in Cincinnati that I could imagine. It seems like the whole team literally has mental issues. I feel bad for Lions fans having to watch their team implode off the field after finally seeing them explode on it.. If it continues to work out this way, Stafford will get hurt again, then start throwing a lot of interceptions, then in a couple years they'll draft Pachall out of TCU and trade Stafford to the Raiders and their new coach Jim Schwartz for a 1st and 2nd rounder. The good news is they'll finally be a likable team on and off the field by then.

So the Lions have actually done something regarding a player arrested!

Detroit Lions cut CB Aaron Berry after latest arrest, source says - ESPN

I didn't think the other offenses warranted being cut.

This one was different. It was his second offense in a matter of months and involved a firearm.

Definitely doesn't help that he was a CB - the Lions' thinnest position - and penciled in as a likely starter or nickleback at worst.

It is so bizarre that a team can go from a joke to a joke that isn't funny in so little time. It would be easier to count the guys that haven't been arrested at this point.

how soon til the bengals claim him off of waivers.

Easy there, big fella.

No it wouldn't. It's only been five players (three of which were arrested twice) out of the 90 players currently on the roster.

It's easier to count to 5 than 90. Give it a try.

Whatever is in the air in Detroit, it keeps drifting over to Ann Arbor. Need to cut it out.

At least Michigan does something about it. MSU wouldn't suspend the guy and have a coach come pick the player up.

+1

Ha, true, but we're gonna run out of skill position players if we keep it up.

It's amazing to me how fucking stupid some of these guys are, but hey, preserving your street cred is worth way more than the millions of dollars you just cost yourself.

To be fair, street cred is worth like 2 or 3 times the value of the dollar I think.

The Lions have also just released offensive tackle Johnny Clubreath, who was one of the five players to get into trouble during the off-season. He was a former 7th round pick two years ago.

So, now it's just LeShoure, Fairley and Corey Williams left on the team who got into some troubles.

Cleanin' house!!!!

In his place, the Lions signed former Lions' draft pick and Steeler Jonathan Scott. He's not very good, but he's better than Culbreath and will be fighting for a back-up spot on the o-line if anything.

I wouldn't really sweat replacing a 7th round draft pick.

Well, Berry can buy more tattoos with that street cred.

"Yo, you so bad even the LIONS had to get rid of you, yo!"

Ha, and to think the old Buckeyes had to buy more tattoos with game memorabilia.