The thread for bits from old shows that you refer to and nobody ever gets
 

I have been known to refer to the "phone cops" from time to time, and usually get a blank stare from everyone except my brother.

I make Seinfeld references with my sixth grade graders all the time. I always answer our classroom phone "Yeah, go." (Well at least when I see who it is on the caller ID :) ) And they thought my joke about a kid digging through the trash "That's what separates man from bum" was all me and not Jerry Seinfeld.

Fawlty Towers has countless references for our family. Seinfeld has quite a few and one that my wife and I quote back and forth a lot is Everybody Loves Raymond.

I feel very old now that I read someone describing Seinfeld as an "old show where no one gets the references".

Nobody Home - YouTube

At about 2:35 in this video, the Kids in the Hall head crusher asks a taxi driver "So, what do you want me to do about it, Mr. Guy?"

I use "Mr. Guy" a lot, but nobody knows why.

The two Seinfeld references that get me blank stares:

"Well the jerk store called and they're running out of you!"

"Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you want to see?"

If you say it in the same voice that Kramer used, I would crack up every time. I still use that one too, but my wife gets it.

"Gimme that (insert object)! I'm back, BABY!"
Frank Costanza

I'll drop that one every now and then too.

"My wallet's gone! My wallet's gone!" is pretty popular in our house.

My brother and I are constantly dropping Simpsonisms, such as when someone seems to make up a word or does something word-stupid, we'll say, "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

Or like yesterday, when I was talking about Keaton Ellerbe of the Kings, and I asked if he was related to the Oilers forward, and my brother, realizing I was thinking of Jordan Eberle, responded, "Unlikely, sir, they spell AND pronounce their names differently."

Fletch is a movie, but I use lines from it all the time. The one that gets the blank stares is when I'm looking at a photo and I point to it and say "and that's the dog that bit me".

I have both of my kids saying "right turn, Clyde" a lot

Two that I use quite a bit. Hell, there's a ton of Golden Age Simpsons that I will quote from time to time because they're so darn apt for a given situation

SI

Faulty Towers
"Yes Dear, Doing it Dear."
"This is MINE!"
"Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it alright."

Are they sticking their arm out the window when they do it?

"Hmm Hmm hiimmmmmmmm"

I can't find the clip right now, but there is a WKRP in Cincinnati episode where they have a Thanksgiving promo by throwing turkeys out of a helicopter. The turkeys splatter all over the pavement. At the end of the episode, one of the characters says, "As god as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly". I use that statement all the time when I do something stupid.

Edit, found it:

It's funny this thread comes up.
My wife and I use one from a commercial fairly frequently..I didn't realize it until my z12 year old called us on it Sunday. We spent 3 hours trying to find a clip on YouTube without success.

It's from the Budweiser frogs/lizards bit. And it's Frankie the lizard with a hit list and he says Louie the lizard in his list of people...to which Louie replies..didmI see louie? On the list?..anyway...the whole series of commercials is out there..but this one seemingly can't be found.

And from the Simpsons..."is that legal?". Only hee and in certain are of Mississippi, son.

MASH lines get me the most blank stares these days. Even 10 years ago I used to get laughs when I'd give someone a compliment by borrowing a Hawkeye to Radar line telling them to "take a gold star out of petty cash." Now, nothing.

At least Mrs. Kcchief19 still gets it when I say, "It's nice to be nice to the nice."

There's a craft beer out there that makes "Ahhhh Bock" which I'm sure goes over everyone's head.

Every once in a while me and my brother still tell each other, 'Do not drink wine, or strong drink thou.'

This is another movie, but both my wife and I always respond to anybody that is leaving on a trip by saying... 'Bring me back something french!'

Let's see if anybody gets the reference there.

Home Alone if I remember correctly...

You're gonna have to do better than a 1990 movie reference.

Good night, John Boy

I used to call people a miserable cork-soaker...only person that ever got it was my brother.

I use "get my head out of my Clavin" and rarely get the laughs it deserves:

Tommy: Say, you're not by any chance Cliff Clavin?
Cliff Clavin: Sure am. You heard of me?
Tommy: Your name is kind of a symbol around our branch office.
Cliff Clavin: Is that right?
Tommy: Yeah. Well, like, just the other day, I messed up, you know, and my supervisor told me to get my head out of my Clavin.

"Dooon't yoooou belieeve iiiiiiit"

Johnny Dangerously, I believe.

I often call people a farging ice-hole.

It's sad how many people get even the simplest ones, like "These go to eleven".

The other one I use is one that I don't think people get the reference to but the joke stands on it's own very well. When I'm asked where I am (by phone ferinstance), I say "I'm directly beneath the Earth's sun................ NOW!"

"My name is Doug....and I'm outta here". I don't even know what the hell that's from, The State maybe? But I used to say it all the time.

More of a comeback than a line but whenever I'm with a girl who mentions when she started to develop breasts, I always use the Norm line, of "Me too".

The I use all the time on the kids comes from a movie...and I use it when they have the wild ideas of what we can do...

"You just keep thinkin', Butch. That's what you're good at."

oh good call. that's one I use from time to time

Yup, that's The State.

Ding! Ding!

Movie is chock full of one liners I loved as a kid too...

Thanks, Chief

I use that one from time to time, too :D

SI

This is the big one! Elizabeth, I'm comin' to join ya!

[low, ominous voice]Get out.[/lov]

(to telemarketers/solicitors) Tell him "we've already got-a one!"

One of the best spit takes I ever caused was when I went out to lunch with some coworkers and when the waiter asked for me I order I said, "I would like the insides of a large animal." The one Night Court fan at the table just about died.

I was also a huge fan of Ed. For a few weeks I went around the office trying to get "Shave My Poodle" to take off.

Rip Fred

Lighten up Francis....

Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night

Reacting to something being called adequate like Bill McNeal.

I'm Bill McNeal, on crack, I like boys.

Compromise is how we wound up with, "Join us and the boys of summer for action," which would be fine if we were running a gay chat line.

There is nothing about NewsRadio that wasn't awesome. I still try to work lines from Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer into conversation.

To the moon, Alice!

I've also considered wanted to say something like this one from Bill a few times:

"I'll be there. Depending on the weather of course."
"Well it's supposed to be crisp and clear this Saturday."
"Oh I'm sorry, I was under the impression that Hell would be freezing over. Count me out."

Sadly it would seem far too dickish to someone who wasn't a NewsRadio fan.

I quote The Tick a fair bit, to little effect.

The cartoon, right? Not the live action.

SI