Funny motivational phrases to use in practice?
 

I need some new material for when I run practice.

A couple of examples (I didn't say they were good:) )

1) My grandmother can run faster than that.
2) Looks like you should have had another biscuit for breakfast (when someone airballs a free throw)

excuses are the nails that built the house of failure

If you're going to throw like a girl, throw like a big girl.

Watching you try to play makes me want to put a bullet in my own head!

(a bit much?) ;)

You're deceptively slow

My all-time favorite that I actually heard was from a coach to a player who completely botched a layup drill.

"You could fuck up a wet dream"

(hopefully you aren't running something like girl's soccer practice :D )

Also not useful for girls' sports.

Y'all didn't come out here to practice! 'Cause champions pay the price!

What is pain? Fresh bread! We want some mo', we want some mo', we want some mo'!

Before you give up, how about you try?

How 'bout you bust yours so we can kick theirs?

Coffee is for closers

You guys aren't talented enough to win on talent alone.

You guys look like a monkey screwing a football out there

(Both from Herb Brooks, the 1980 Miracle on Ice coach)

From the movie MIRACLE, can't confirm it's a real quote (my book long ago disintegrated)

When you pull on that jersey, you represent yourself and your teammates...and the name on the front is a hell of a lot more important than the one on the back. Get that through your head. AGAIN!

Let's hope you never end up in prison ;)

You couldn't win a hundred yard dash in a ninety yard gym.

Just pretend the other team is zombies

Pretty good suggestions so far, thanks guys :)

i need to tell somebody this today

My sons Middle School football coach told one of his star players (who has been a bonehead and is now kicked out of school for legal troubles at 12)

"You've got the physical talent to play Varsity and the mental focus and attitude to be ride the bench in Flag. God did his part why dont you start doing yours?"

Pretty much anything R. Lee Ermey said in 'Full Metal Jacket'

What is fatigue!?

(Get them to shout "Army clothes!")

1. Don't talk to me about Kurt f@#&ing Bevaqua!
2. If I paid you, would you make the shot?
3. There's only two things that make me cry, weddings and funerals. I'm about to add a third to the list.
4. Practice is like a refrigerator, you only get out of it, what you put into it.
5. I don't claim to be Nostradamus, but, I'm seeing some extra laps in the near future.

My basketball coach in high school used to ask us if the aliens from Space Jam had taken our talent. That reference is a bit dated now ;)