The Worst movies you've ever seen
 

Before we get started let's make a few grounsd rules:

#1 - Pick movies that more than seventeen people have seen.
I realize that "Manos: The Hand of Fate" is actually ten times worse than the worst Meg Ryan chick flick ever made. But I could also say that about the amateur film my buddy tried to make with his girlfriend, but forgot to take the lense cap off of the camera.
The point, of course, is that no one has seen either of these movies.

#2 - You can only pick a maximum of two movies in any genre.
If we don't have this rule then the thread will become a serial rant about action movies, romantic comedies, and gay indie films.

#3 - You can only pick up to two movies with any particular actor.
This is for almost the same reason as above. Someone is going to just list the top grossing films of Keanu Reeves' career.

So let's see your bottom five flicks.

Not in the right state of mind to come up with a bottom five list but, the worst movie hands down is.....

Toys with Robin Williams.....

A truely awful movie...


TLK

Lets See


Caddyshack 2

Dude, wheres my script(err car)

Ed Tv

Rocky 5(There was a reason Tommy Morrison's character was named Tommy.. he had troubled responding to any other name they gave him.. True story)

Suburban Commando(I guess i could just list any Hulk Hogan movie here.. but this is the only one i can remember)

5. City of Angels
Awful, awful movie. Even good perfomances from Andre Braugher and Dennis Franz couldn't help this one.
I see it this way. You have to establish what is so hot about being an angel before you can make it a sacrifice for Nick Cage to give it up. They don't. So, all the dramatic tension and supense never materialize. Just two hours of wasted time.


4. The Omen IV
What the hell was that? This is the movie with the little girl daughter of Satan. I hate unneccesary sequels. When a series of movie ends, you can't get much more useless than a totally unrelated sequel.
BTW, since "Omen 4" is so obscure I'm sort of skirting my own rules. So, I'll tell you that you can replace it with "Halloween 3" or "A Nightmare on Elm Street 2"


3. Batman and Robin
This is the worst blockbuster that I've ever seen. The story was horrible. It butchered the comic. The acting was putrid and the direction was worse.
There was nothing to like in this piece of garbage. Even Uma Thurman and Alicia Silverstone weren't hot. The fight choreography was terrible. Also, I counted at least three times in the first five minutes where either Batman or Robin should have been killed.


2. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the 8th Dimension
I don't get this movie. None of you fanboys try to explain it to me either. I've had enough of that over the years from all my nerd friends.
I've tried to watch this again and again hoping that it'd come together like when I watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". After 'Holy Grail', I basically got Monty Python. But I'll never get 'Buckaroo Banzai'.


1. Cool World
The same as buckaroo Banzai, only worse.
I have a particular hatred for this movie because it set back animation in America about twenty years. This was the worst movie ever made.

The Rock - For me this film is a perfect example of what is wrong with Hollywood. All you need are a couple stars and enough explosions and bullets to make a box office success. Ooh, and a car chase!

The Last Boyscout - Ok there are dozens of bad buddy action comedies like this and The Rock...its just that these two are really painful.

Forrest Gump - Smarmy crap is as smarmy crap does.

Sleepless in Seattle - See above.

Caddyshack - Sorry. Not funny.

Mission Impossible 2

Just an awful awful movie. I'm not a fan of action movies to begin with, but this one was particularly brain dead. Tom Cruise seemed to just be posing, the script was terrible, and John Woo's action wasn't even that great. Horrible.

Eraser

This was the first movie I ever saw where I actually considered asking for my money back. In addition to some huge violations of the laws of physics, the plot was completely unbelievable and they couldn't even come up with any "he's dead tired" type lines for Arnold. Hideous.

Gone In 60 Seconds

If Angelina Jolie and Nic Cage are in your movie and it still sucks ass, you need to fricking retire. Sorry folks, car chases and a hot star do not a movie make. The ending chase when the car flies through the air and then lands on it's feet is a huge insult to intelligence and seriously pissed me off.

Roadhouse

I don't think I even need to explain this one.

Leonard Part VI

Perhaps I should be thankfull for the fact that Leonard's I-IV were never made, but I think it may have helped this movie to make sense. I think I saw it when I was like 10 or something, and even then I realized it was a huge, flaming pile of shit. No redeeming quality whatsoever. Seriously may be the worst movie ever made.

Not to pick on your list, Bad Example--I'm sure that there are fans of all movies, even those named to worst ever lists--but, man, some of these just aren't that bad.

The Rock is, yes, typical Hollywood tripe, but it's exciting and fun tripe. Maybe you just went into this fooled that it would be higher quality than a popcorn muncher, I don't know. :)

I'm not going to say the Last Boyscout was a great movie. It most certainly was not. But there were some pretty funny one-liners and interplays between Willis and Wayans in this one that, IMO, raises it above Top Five Worst of All Time.

Not going to defend Gump or Sleepless. I, too, am not a big fan of either. They wouldn't be on my Five Worst, though.

And Caddyshack...Holy Shit...I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. That might be one of the funniest films ever made, IMO. Your taste in humor boggles my mind. ;)

Chief Rum

Anything that I dont see

Well Chief, the way I chose my list was this: if I were on a hellishly long flight, what movies would I NOT want to have inflicted upon me. Sure there are worse movies out there, but most of them don't get under my skin like these and also fit the criteria listed at the top.

As far as Caddyshack goes, I guess I could have said Blues Brothers just as easily :)

by far and away the worst movie i have ever seen was "freddie got fingered". i have not seen anything in the history of the world that comes close to being as downright shit as this. the attempts at bad taste are pathetic, obviously there is no plot, and the acting is laughable. this is the kind of film that appeals to people that don't deserve to have eyes.

1) AI

I'm glad I wasn't planning on suicide before I watched the movie. As it was, I was thinking of way to off myself during the movie. Horrible.

2) Freddie Got Fingered

Agree with Andy M on something. This was a terrible movie.

3) Deep Impact

Wow, look at me, I can outrun a tidal wave on my cheap motorbike. . . Yuk. Any movie where I'm cheering for the main characters to just die is not a good flick.

TroyF

Speaking of a movie where you root for the movie to kill them.. i give you..


Godzilla!
Come on Zilla.. CATCH MATTHEW BRODERICK ALREADY

Ragone,

I kept screaming at them all through the movie "POISON THE FISH!!!"

They lure the damn lizard out with the food and try to shoot it? No, put every known deadly substance to man in the food. What a bunch of idiots. I was cheering for Godzilla to destroy the entire town and eat all of the main characters so they wouldn't even be tempted to make a sequal.

TroyF

Titanic : I didn't want to see it but that was the obnly movie available at the time we reach the theater (cinema in French), boring, boring and 2.5 hours...

only two movies ever made me consider suicide while inside the theater:


Dude, Where's my Car?

Moulin Rouge

1.) Gettysburg - Bad acting, bad editing, bad script, bad movie.

2.) The Postman/Waterworld - WTF was Costner thinking?

3.) Chicken Run - I left during the film.

4.) John Carpenters Vampires. I went because a buddy is a vampire freak. Even he thought this was a stinker.

5.) Pearl Harbor - Never before have so many be disgraced by so few in two and half hours.

6.) Hamlet (Mel Gibson).

7.) Police Academy 6: City Under Siege

8.) Nurse Betty

1. Popeye. This movie went through 3 producers who all quit during the middle of filming. This movie is so bad I love it and have to watch it every time it is on. I always wonder what the cast members are thinking when they are filming this dissaster.

2. Little Shop of Horrors. The lessons to be learned is you can't recreate an accident. Trying to recreat the accident of the Rocky Horror Picture Show turned out to be a huge flop. The writers even wrote a script for the audience members to perform at the shows.

3. Dune(the theater version) The biggest headache award goes to the Theater owners who showed this half movie. Cutting out 1hr and 30 minutes and using a voice over to explain some of the plot had me banging my head against the wall for most of the movie. Thank god for DVD.

4. Anyting made by Steven Spielberg recently. Steven must of had a stroke because his movies just won't end. He just keeps showing up to work the next day and adding more endings to his movie.

5. George Lucas and his Star Wars line. Lucas is Totally funding, wirting, directing, producing, editing, and.....Hey George have you heard of delagating responsibility?

Worst movie is Runaway Bride. A useless movie made to further the sagging career of Richard Gere. Didn't they do this with Pretty Woman? And the plot was so thin I could see through it.

Also, Speed. Can someone tell Keanu Reeves not to open his mouth, and just be a pretty face? Wait, Speed 2 might be worse... {Judges?} Yes, it is!

Godzilla 2000 -- Hands down, the worst movie I have ever paid to see. 3 years later, I still owe my wife 1000 more chic flix to pay retribution for this classic.

Dude, Where's My Car? -- An easy choice to see. I love Stiffler and I love Kelso, it has to be funny, right? Wrong! :)

I deeply hate "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels". All that Michael Caine mockney bullshit makes me want to leave this country forever.

And what's with the hate when it comes to "Dude, Where's My Car"? Granted, most of my friends think I'm brain-damaged for owning it on DVD, but no matter how many times I watch it, I still laugh my arse off.

Crash : first time ever I left during the movie

I gotta second this, Dude Where's My Car is a classic! I also own the DVD, and it's one of my favorites.

Of course, I thought Freddie Got Fingered was a pretty decent movie so perhaps my tastes should be taken with a grain of salt :D

As for worst movies:

1. Dungeons & Dragons - Absolutely no redeeming qualities.

2. Rules of Attraction - The first scene was so sickening I had to turn it off (thank god I wasn't in the theatre), and it still haunts me now. There are just some things in life that you can't 'un-see'.

3. Batman & Robin - Pretty much destroyed the franchise

4. Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights - I'm a huge Sandler fan, but this movie was terrible.

I forgot that one Alf. I hate this movie too.

Which brings me to the question:
How the hell do you fuck up a porno?

The English Patient.... soooooo boring.

Moulin Rouge.... nearly gave me seizures.

The Ladies' Man.... Why God, why?

Pret a Portier(sp) a.k.a. Ready to Wear.
- stupid movie about the fashion industry. Cram packed with stars and apparently countless insider jokes. Only move I left in the middle of.

Waterworld
-After watching something else, a couple of us sat in on the last 45 minutes of this. We paid nothing and we still felt ripped of.

Moonraker
-As a HUGE Bond fan, this one just annoys. Stupid plot, horrible battle scene. By far the worst Bond ever made.

Snowdogs
-As a 3rd grade teacher, I'm forced to watch a seemingly endless run of bad kid movies during classroom parties or the last day of school. This is by far the worst I've seen in the genre. Didn't Cuba Gooding Jr. have a career at one time?

Pearl Harbor
-It's a war movie, but should go in the romantic genre. War movies just should not be sappy.

Blair Witch Project
-The number 1 stupidest movie of all time. Were we supposed to feel sorry for those whiny twerps? My friends and I turned it into a MST3000 episode. Only redeeming quality was it was easy to make fun of.

What about "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" or either of the Timothy Dalton movies? At least "Moonraker", admittedly a bad film, had Jaws.

Um, the last few minutes of this film were pretty good, at least if you like naked supermodels.

I actually seem to own a number of movies on various bad movie lists. I really like Moulin Rouge, Buckaroo Banzai, the various Star Wars movies, and Caddyshack.

As for movies I think are the worst, I can only think of few totally painful, disappointing movies:

A.I. - would've been a good-to-great movie if not for the last half hour. It shouldv'e ended with him trapped underwater.

Legends of the Fall - a movie that had no subtext, no interesting ideas, but was depressing enough to make people believe it was about "something."

The Recruit - I went to watch this with friends who just wanted to see Colin - pain, pure pain.

Jeepers Creeps - Wasn't scary, made no sense at all. Just a bad film.

Duce Bigalow: Male Gigalo - Ugh, I don't know how I got talked into going to that one. I think I laughed once during the entire movie, but I groaned or shook my head at the stupidity many, many times...

Strictly picking on some of the more popular ones:

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

After the incredible unexpected high of Raiders, this awful movie scared me from ever seeing a movie on opening day, ever. Maybe it was fun for some but this was a huge letdown or dropoff from Raiders. The worse part was casting that horrible blond chick, the now Mrs. Speilberg. Worse casting I had ever experienced.

Matrix

After so much hype (since the cool SB commercial), I remembered watching this movie on DVD and sitting there not getting anything and not being impressed by any of it. It truly was a movie I said "so what" to.

Bull Durham

I love baseball movies and this one I wanted to like since I had attended several Durham Bulls games before they got famous. This movie was not a baseball movie but instead a vulgar, crass flick that happened to have a few baseball players.

I'll think of two more later.

By the way, I'm sure there could be many more of the popular movies on my worse list, like the recent Star Wars or any of the super action heroes movies but I know I would not like them so I stayed away.

Also, I spent some time reading through the Worse 100 movies at IMDB and found it fascinating. The whole thing about Manos was incredible to read.

Anrh-Bucc,

I never found you curmudgeonly until your last post. :)

There are a lot of bad movies out there, but the last bad one I remember watching was Escape from New York. I didn't realize how poorly this movie had aged until I saw it again.

As far as A.I. goes, I don't know how many of you who hated the ending are parents, but I know if the movie had ended with him underwater, it wouldn't have had nearly the emotional hook for me that the true ending had. It has to do with closure for me, to know that there's some finality, not just an eternity of staring into space.

5. Batman and Robin
4. The Avengers
3. Blair Witch Project
2. Dude, Where's my Car?
1. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

The Avengers. Only redeeming quailty was Uma Thurman in a skin-tight leather outfit... although that was balanced by Sean Connery dressed up like a huge teddy bear. I'm not sure 17 people saw it - there were about 40 in the theatre at the start of the movie, but only 4 left (me, my gf, and an elderly couple about 70) at the end.

Hm.. am I the only one here who not only liked Moulin Rouge, but bought the soundtrack and have it on DVD? (I'm thinking probably)

Kevin

I actually liked Timothy Dalton. The second one was kind of average, but the first one was pretty good. He played angry in both of them, but he really wasn't too bad.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service, other than Goldfinger, is a great script. Savalas was excellent as Blofeld and they did a great job getting Diana Rigg as the lead female. If Connery had done that one, it would have been the best Bond ever. Lazenby stinks, but somehow the rest of the movie makes up for a lot of his short comings.

Yeah, Moonraker had Jaws....but why did he have to turn "good" at the end. He was Bond's ultimate nemesis. There was greater potential to have them have the ultimate duel.

It is one of my wife's favorite movies. I groan whenever she is watching it, and have yet to see it from start to finish....just can't do it.

Black and white! Mike Tyson has a simi-big role...that says enough.

the big hit...was this a REAL action movie or was it a farse? either way it was pathetic...the two worst movies i have ever seen.

XXX...Xtremely, Xcitingly, Xcruciating...terrible!

Thanks, Cam, I think.

Since I have to come up with a different genre according to the rules, I would add The Wiz. Diana Ross is a egostitical diva and bad performer, imo but her performance in the The Wiz was truly wretched, even by her standards.

I certainly don't disagree that the ending added closure and made it a happier film, but I think the way it did that was contrived and made little sense. Bringing back the mother who for ridiculous reasons could exist for only one day and yet who had forgotten she threw her kid out, was just crazy to me. It didn't really have a meaning - it was just an attempt to "wrap things up." If he had been left in the bottom of the water, it would have left the audience to address existential questions of what it is like to be alive, to feel, and to want something. That may not have been a Hollywood ending, but it would have been a lot more coherent and related to the other themes in the movie. I felt the last half hour was almost an entirely unrelated film as far as themes and subtext.

Nope. Me too.

I freaking LOVE that movie. I remember when I first saw it I had perma-grin for the whole movie. I just thought it was very well done. Loved the music, loved the performances, loved the direction.

Feel free to question my manhood now. :)

Crash. I paid 1 dollar to see this in theatre, and felt robbed. Only show we ever walked out of.

Waterworld. 'Nuff said. To go against the grain though, Postman, while not a *good* flick, was not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Waterworld, of course, was as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

Rocky Horror Picture Show. I despise this ... thing ... with the fire of a thousand hells.

Slapshot. Older hockey movie of the Major League type comedy. Several of my former co-workers LOVE this movie. I borrowed it from them. I couldn't watch it it was so bad.

And last, and possibly least, Highlander 2. Why god, why.

Forgot one. 5th Element is an extremely bad movie.

I know this question is subject to even more interpretation than the "top ten" list, but for me - I tend to remember movies where I felt it could have been good, but was just botched by a really poor script, or a really poor directing job. In that vein, two movies come to mind quickly:

Sneakers - Robert Redford leads a pretty impressive cast, with a reasonably good hook... the movie completely stunk, due to a dreadful script. I know that sometimes the all-purpose retort to a criticism of a professional is "I suppose you could do better?" Well, in this case - yes, I coudl have done better. I have no skills as a screenwriter nor film critic, but I could have written a better script for Sneakers than what was produced. Dreadful.

Stargate - Another concept that I thought was decent enough, but good heavens was this movie poorly acted, directed, and scripted. Derivative, predictable, and totally flat. Ouch.

Inspired by the lists above, I certainly agree that The Avengers was terrible, and I have really deep issues with A. I. as well. Two good choices - again, in part based on their unrealized potential. In particular, I think A.I. could have been very good... but I found the boy character to be unseemily unctuous, beyond what might have been called for in a "mecha" character. Actually, I think Jude Law's character would have made a better centerpiece for the film.

I personally cringed through The Mummy, and was aghast to see it make some top ten lists... but I think that's more a matter of taste than fundamentally terrible filmmaking. I thought Gone in 60 Seconds was a let-down, but I should have seen it coming, so it's largely my own fault. Neither one makes my list.

Naaaaa....your just a theatre geek.

I thought AI was an outstanding film until the final 20 minutes of the "happy" ending. The way I put it is, the bulk of the movie is mainly Kubrick (who had the main idea, and was working hard on the movie at the time of his death), but Spielberg couldn't STAND a movie that ended that bleakly (nor could his fans, perhaps?), so he had to tack on the happy ending.

I really loved most of the rest of the film too, although not as much as I expected.

As for Moulin Rouge, it's just not my type of movie. I dislike musicals generally (hell, I didn't even like The Sound of Music, how's that for a heart of stone) and had no inclination at all to see this movie.

A few months ago, a new friend urged me to see it - "it's not like anything else." I knuckled under, and watched it. I liked it a lot more than I expected, and have watched it again twice more since. In my book, it's a genre-buster... I hate musicals, but in this movie, I felt like most of the musical scenes had real life, and added a lot to the film. I though that the use of contemporary music was not derivative (as it has been criticized), but rather a very clever film device.

Baz gets my vote... and now I cannot wait for his next project, supposedly a film about the life of Alexander the Great (who is usually my answer to the "dinner guest from history" question).

1. House of 1,000 corpses - new movie, but no good. Not scary, not funny, not anything.

2. Jeepers Creepers - See above.

3. Moulin Rouge - Just shoot me now please.

Thats all i got, those 3 movies are enough to justify all that is wrong in this country.

I didn't think I'd like The Sound of Music, but I got it for my wife for Christmas, and we watched it together. I liked it. Wouldn't mind seeing it again.

Moulin Rouge, however, sucked big donkey wang. Sorry, Kickstand. :(

I think I will argue until I die that Jeepers Creepers is the worst attempt at a horror movie ever made. Lord how i celebrated when that kid finally died!! If only the real-life actor had died, he really deserved it for his work in that movie, which seemes to only consist of making a "i'm really scared" face (and not very well at that).

Yeah, I agree, but the kid is somehow going to be back for the sequal. Maybe the first movie is just going to be a dream, I don't know. And I doubt I'll ever know since there's no way in hell I'll go see it...

Most of my least favorites got listed, so here are some horrible ones I didn't see listed:

1. Master of Disguise

2. Showgirls

3. Battlefield Earth

4. Queen of the Damned

5. Point Break