The thread for fake song lyrics
 

You know you've made them up. Let's see them. Parodies, yes. Just funny, yes. Political, provocative, stupid, silly, whatever you've got. Post them here. Yours, please -- not just what you heard on the local radio station or read on your fave website.

And no need to necessarily have a whole song's worth. If you just have a couple lines...a title...a key word... if it's enough for us to "get it" then post it up.

What'cha got?

Your thread, what you got?

One go-to tactic I have for ticking off a few good friends is just to say whatever is on my mind to the tune and rhythm of "The Boxer."

Mrs Q and I are semi-obsessed with doing this... very high volume, ver inconsistent quality (or ability to translate beyond inside jokes, had-to-be-there stuff, family mockery, and the like).

Here's one we both love:


Source: Desperado, The Eagles

Esperanto
Why don't you learn this new language
You've been speaking just English
For too long...


See what I mean on the quality? We both think that's hysterical. I don't know if anyone else would agree.

Okay, here's ho dumb and obscure we get:

Source: Bee Gee's "Tragedy"
Bee Gees - Tragedy Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Tragedy
When the feeling's gone and you can't go on
It's tragedy

Ours, version 1:

Tavist-D
When you're feeling sick and you cannot sleep
Take Tavist-D

Reference: Tavist-D medical facts from Drugs.com


Ours, version 2:

Crimony
When you wanna swear but there's kids around
Say Crimony

Just awful. We howl.

My wife forgot to take her celery to work about a week ago. The next day, I taped the following to the door:

Don't you...forget celery
Don't don't don't don't
Don't you...forget celery

She liked it at least.

That's completely what I'm talking about. Terrible and awesome.

I did a parody of Gangsta's Paradise for Vanessa Atler once. I have no idea if the lyrics still exist anywhere.

I used to do this with a buddy of mine way back when we were bored.

Here is a snippet of one I remember

Source: Heaven by Warrant

Parody: Heavy

Got a picture of your house, and you're stuck outside the door.
You've gained a little weight,
so you can't fit through anymore.

Chorus was
Heavy, don't know how much you weigh.
Seven tubs of Ice Cream a day...

That's all I can remember :)

I make up alternate lyrics habitually, much to the "delight" of passengers in my car.

Sample: Could I Have This Dance by Anne Murray

Could I wear these pants
For the rest of the my life
Would you be my trousers
Every night
When I put you on, it feels so right
Could I wear these pants
For the rest of my life

Enrique Iglesias: Hero

Instead of "I can be your hero baby"

I hear and now sing "I can be your eager beaver"

A friend once mocked Ricky Martin's Livin' La Vida Loca by singing:

lips like deviled eggs

...and that totally stuck in our house.

My kids have always been great at this.

Nellie "Hey! It must be the money."
My 5-year old daughter "Hey! It must be the bunnies."

A great one off the Facebook feed...

Here comes the snow, doo doo doo doo
Here comes the snow, and I say, it's all white.

The Monkees..."I'm a Believer"

Then I saw her face on Leave it to Beaver

TLC: Waterfalls

Chorus:

Listen to me
Dont go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers
And the lakes that youre used to
I know that youre gonna have it your way or nothing at all

Ours:

Listen to me
Go Go Jason Frozen balls please stay out of the rivers and the lakes your used to
I know that you have shrinkage or nothing at all..

A little Christmas music, with apologies to John Lennon (Yoko can suck it):

And so this is Christmas
Oh, no, what have you done?
Quick, you stall the cops while
I dispose of the gun...

A very Merry Christmas
You'll never have one
Just mere lamentations
Of a life on the run...

Also conjuring John Lennon.
My daughter and I *think* we made it up, anyway:

All we are spraying . . . .
is pee in our pants.


Cracks us up every time.

From about 7th grade, with apologies to Joan Jett:

I hate Rock and Roll
So play another tune on the hand crank organ
I hate Rock and Roll
So put another dime in the monkey's cup
...beat, pause...
{carnival music}

This was something I came up about 5 years ago. A little hockey + Pixies.

i am luke schenn andalusia
i am luke schenn andalusia
i am luke schenn andalusia
wanna grow
up to be
be a defenseman,(defenseman)
defenseman, (defenseman)
defenseman, (defenseman)
defenseman, (defenseman)
defenseman, (defenseman)
defenseman, (defenseman)

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree...
I fucked your wife, oh Christmas tree.

My wife hates my 'singing along' to Christmas music in the car. I pretty much always add either horribly violent or perverse words to every song.

For everyone stuck with an earworm...

I just can't get it out of my head
This song is all I can think about

(Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out Of My Head)

Feel like eatin'
Feel like eatin' muff
feel like eatin' muff
Feel like eatin' muff

I thank my brother for this one. He has ingrained these as the real lyrics in my head.

My version:

Oh Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
If you catch fire, I'll burn with ye...

I knew a girl in college who sang this alternate Night Ranger lyric:

Motoring - What's your price for flight

became

Motorists - watch your brights for flies!

This doesn't quite qualify here, as the punchline will reveal, but this morning a song came on in the background, and I said to my wife, what is this song about timber? She says, yeah, it sounds like they're saying:

I'm really down on timber.

I joke that we should sell our logging interests.

Turns out the song, of course, goes:]

It's going down, I'm yelling timber.

So that's us, just a real life Pit Bull and Ke$ha.

I guess the party don't start until you walk in.

I'm hot blooded
Check it and see.
I've got a fever of

And I always insert my favorite number ending in 3 here, usually 683.

I think my wife is sick of it now. But that's too bad.

Now that I think of it, I think this is something Homer Simpson did, but I'm carrying on the tradition.

The Doc is in
And She'll Mess You Up
She Likes Her Gin
And She's Drunk as Fuck

My little brother and I had to put up with a lot of Phil Collins growing up, as my mom is quite the fan.

She sees the hat and easy don't touch it,
Or she'll take control, and slowly tear you apart

We sort of inserted an extra syllable there, but we were young.

Another:

Indigo Girls - Closer to Fine

I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it,

A few years ago, after the invention of a wonderful product, I always sing the 2nd line as:
I like to snuggle in my comfy slanket.

Well it feels like a party
Right up your ass
Hey hey
Hey Jessie

Welcome to the kitchen, we make pies and cakes
We got everything you want, just tell us what to bake
We are the people that can find ingredients that please
If you got the money honey come get diabetes

[Chorus]
In the kitchen, welcome to the kitchen
We're gonna bbbbb bake a cake
I want to watch you eat

Welcome to the kitchen we take it day by day
If you want it you're gonna need a credit card to pay
And you're a very hungry girl that's very hard to please
You can taste the icing but you won't get that for free
In the kitchen welcome to the kitchen
a la mode is like, like, like a dream
Ooh, I top it with whipped cream

Welcome to the kitchen we do work here every day
some cakes are shaped like animals in the jungle theme display
If you hunger for what you see we'll bake it eventually
You can have everything you want but you better buy cake from me

[Chorus]

And when you're high you never ever want to come down
So down, so down, so down, yeah

You know where we are!
We're down in the kitchen baby, making a pieeee
In the kitchen welcome to the kitchen
we're gonna watch you eat, eat
In the kitchen welcome to the kitchen
a la mode is like, like, like a dream
In the kitchen welcome to the kitchen
we're gonna watch you eat, eat
In the kitchen welcome to the kitchen
once we bring it to you..
It's gonna gain you pounds, huh!

I have a boat load of these somewhere.. It's so easy to do I feel like Weird Al's real talent lies in production and stage presence.

I love it. I do the same thing with varying levels of tolerance/assistance from miss Riddols.

One more from the archives-

I sat here yesterday at the intersection
on my commute to serve my time for the man
and right here where I make my connection
is when the bus gets as full as it can

You can't always sit on the bus
You can't always sit on the bus
You can't always sit on the bus
But if you're hot sometimes maybe some nice guy
will give up his seat

And I've often thought of demonstration
but I don't know that to be any use
Saying, "We need another bus at this station
If we don't I'm gonna go to the news"

You can't always sit on the bus
You can't always sit on the bus
You can't always sit on the bus
But if you're old sometimes maybe some young guy
will give up his seat

I ride down to work like a sardine
the peoples stink is flooding my gills
And I stood the whole time next to Marlene
And man, her pits were making me ill
As the ride ends in east Tennessee
My hat gets snatched off my head
It's too late to turn and retrieve it
Yeah, and I guess that works for him, if he likes the Reds.
I said to him

You can't do this shit on the bus
You can't do this shit on the bus
You can't do this shit on the bus
It friggin' blows my mind, all this petty crime
So don't be a thief!

Don't be a thief--yeah, oh baby

I sat here today at the intersection
With my hatless head in my hands
People asked if it was some kind of depression
Guess they could tell I was a delicate man

Who can't even get on the bus
Who can't even get on the bus
Who can't even get on the bus
I even try sometimes but still I find
still I find
Myself in the street

Gotye's "Somebody that I used to know"

the first line in the second verse:

You can get addicted to certain kind of sadness

I always like to sing as

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sandwich

If I die young, bury me in salad

Apologies to Kansas's Dust in the Wind:

Dusssssssss-tin Di-minnnnnn
Screech was played by Dustin Diamond
(eerie echoing voices from there)

Mrs Q and I also invariably drift to our version of Foreigner's Head Games with our own spin, Hedge Maze. (fortunately I don't let her subject me to her radio that often)

It's...uhh...pretty bad here.

Ha! This is an awesome thread!

A good friend of mine & I used to work together about 15-20 years ago (wow I feel old writing that number) for a grocery store, when we were in high school/just out of high school a few years, and had a ton of these. We still laugh a lot at these when we see each other.

Most are heavily inside-jokes where you have to know the people, how a grocery store operates, or the jobs people actually did. We mostly used Beatles songs like but wouldn't let that stop us from applying to a perfectly appropriate metal song. But here's a few titles with short explanation to the general idea & some expanded key lyrics on some of these that we found particularly funny.


Everybody's got an Aisle to Stock & Brian's Spanking His Monkey (Beatles)

• Brian was a fellow assistant manager at our store.
• Brian was pretty good at disappearing for hours

Kevin Inside You (Alice in Chains)

• Kevin was another assistant manager at the time
• Bob *** (3-syllable last name) & Angie worked there as well and were married. Angie was pregnant at the time.
• Angie cheated on Bob, with Kevin, while pregnant. They are no longer married (in case you were wondering :) ).
• Chorus went...
  • Just like Angie ***,
  • Kevin Inside you,
  • Bob's child within
• Yes, we were dicks :devil:

Sympathy for Management (Megadeth)

• Sung in the voice of our store manager (Mr. "K") who I'd describe as sounding a bit Jack Nicholson-like (which we exaggerated).
• Our store manager was not shy about stating his preference to fire people. So the meme on him was kind of the Trump "you're fired" thing (before Trump's show made it his own meme)
• Intro snippet...
  • You take a normal manager,
  • Put them in my store,
  • Watch me fuck his job,
  • Then kick him out the door
• Chorus snippet... (each star being a syllable for a last name)
  • Just like Brian ***, and Phil D too
  • Just like Tracy ****
  • I have no sympathy...for management

Extra Cheese Pepperoni Pizza Slice (Oasis)

• We had another fellow assistant manager, who happened to order pizza (same shopping plaza) every single night.
• He was also a fairly unmotivated fellow that would disappear for long periods. Typically in the front office hitting on the cashiers or office women.
• He had a deep voice but we would exaggerate his voice to sound dumber & slower than it really was. It seemed to work for us.
• Chorus....
  • Someday you will find me,
  • Slacking on the office line,
  • With an Extra Cheese Pepperoni Pizza Slice
• I cannot hear the real words to this song to this very day without substituting our own.

Please Hose me Down (Beatles)

• We had a co-manager that we worked with who had some seriously offensive BO on a regular basis. Mainly because he was a very hardworking guy, and working in shirt/tie is not easy to do in a grocery stockroom/warehouse (in Florida) without profusely sweating.
• His BO became legendary, to the point that he was probably very aware of it & just didn't care or see any solution to it.
• On a particularly busy/hot day in the stockroom, somebody had mentioned to him that he was sweating profusely and might want to slow down a bit...to which he responded "got a lot to do, you might need to hose me down later". Some of these write themselves. :)

"Then I saw her face, and I saw her beaver, I couldn't leave her if I tried."

The problem for me is several of the ones I've come up with over the years are parodies of Billy Joel songs.

I'm keeping my head down in case even parody is enough to raise QuikSand's ire.

So, my son is named Ivan Thomas. I think a really big part of the reason he's called "Ivan T" around our house as often as anything else is simply because it works so well in fake lyrics.

Without elaboration...
Beatles, Let It Be
Beatles, Yellow Submarine
...easily another half dozen songs oddly not coming to me at the moment...

And most of all, my own quite soulful rendition of...
Tears for a Fears, I Believe


I can assure you, were you a resident of our home and listener to my fake lyrics, you'd be quite persuaded that he is, in fact, "the boy for me."

You should indeed hang your head, sir. For shame.

Am I supposed to be shamed for sparing your tender sensibilities? Because if so, I can remedy that. ;)