OT - Disturbing rise in cheese-related crime
 

Finally! Something from the local papers worth sharing!

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http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi...3/05_05-02/FOR

Police beat: May 5
ANNAPOLIS AREA

Cheesy crime

City police are investigating a cheesy crime, after an Annapolis man reported vandals used the dairy product to deface his van.

The Parole neighborhood resident said he awoke at 8:20 Saturday morning to find the windows and windshield of his brown, 1992 Plymouth van covered in dozens of square pieces of American cheese. He told police when he had parked the van in front of his home on Dominoe Road the night before, it was fine.

City police said the vandals had placed "many" square slices of American cheese on the vehicle, smearing some of them and spelling words with others.

On the windshield, police found the words "Say cheese" and the man's name spelled out with the slices. The Capital is withholding the man's name because of the nature of the incident.

Okay... we're worried about the name of the victim here because of the "nature of the incident." Hmm? We reveal rape and murder victims, sure, but when it comes to cheese, you gotta be careful.

I like cheese.

By the way, before you ask, no. Anyway, my Plymouth van is a 1994, and it's light brown.

I hate cheese, and I drive a 1992 Plymouth. Maybe I'm next.

Quik drives a van?

No, I just don't use smilies or winkies, and my irony is lost.

No backtracking for you mister. I bet you also bought a ton of UPS uniforms off ebay.

we are on to you.

Just when I'm about finished field-stripping my M-1 and preparing to shoot the loud talker in the cubicle next door, a story like this comes along and brightens my day...

Now that I followed the link, I actually like the next story, where someone broke into a house and stole a TV, tools, a boat, and 100 pounds of frozen meat.

edit: Oops, it's $100, not 100 lbs. Wonder if it was steak or Taco Bell grade imitation beef.

At least they used American cheese instead of that French stuff...

I'd have used twinkies.

That would have been a good waste of quality food.

You mean Freedom Cheese? I agree, I hate that stuff! :D

Hmm... maybe the cheese vandal and meat bandit ought to get together on this. Wouldn't be kosher, but might make a mean sammich!

If we can just find a guy who robbed a bank with a bottle of barbecue sauce, we'll be all set!

Why do theives steal tools? They aren't going to fix up anything. They aren't in the shed saying, "Hold on, honey, I'll be in for that dinner of sausages I stole right after I finish fixing this outboard motor I stole with the tools I stole."

Actually, they just very well MIGHT do that.

More cheese and car related news


SI

Originally found in sterlingice's link above:

How do you make any sense of this at all? Cheese sculpting is weird enough... but a cheese sculpture of Mickey Rooney?

Oh, but Robin Williams is OK?

I'd like to commission a life-size cheese sculpture of Salma Hayek... nude, and assuming a compromising position.

I'm assuming you'd want swiss cheese?

Ah, the power of chesse...

I won't be able to sleep soundly until I know that this rise in cheese-related crime has evened out...

I'm scared:eek:

I believe it's "Behold the Power of Cheese".

No, really, I don't watch too much tv.

SI

Maybe their keeping his name a secret because it's related to cheese in some way...

I thought it was "ah" in some and "behold" in other commercials. I could certainly be wrong though. It's happened once before... ;)

I like the moon.

I never had my car "cheesed" before, but I remember when it got "biscuited" back in high school.

m-o-o-n, that spells cheese?

SI

Am I the only other person who 'gets' this?

Gotta love obscure Stephen King references... :)

I didn't think it was all that obscure, is it?

The made-for-tv movie is on Sci-Fi every few months and while the effects look pretty crappy, the story is pretty much still there and it has a great cast. Not only that, but it still has one of the greatest uses of music with BOC's "Don't Fear the Reaper". That was definately the longest book I've ever read, too, but I'm not much of a reader.

SI

The Stand was the only Stephen King book that I put down and stopped reading...I just could not get into it...perhaps because the idea is possible, more possible than werewolves and vampires...King really needs to retire for a bit, he's been scraping the barrel for ideas...Tommyknockers ala Dreamcatcher...from a Buick Eight ala Christine...Insomnia was just plain bad...I did enjoy Everything Eventually, but I gotta admit, I loved the short story anthologies like Skeleton Crew and Night Shift which had a bunch of stories...even Nightmares and Dreamscapes was a little light on the stories...

I applaud the man for writing so much, and a lot of his work has been very enjoyable, but I think he's hit a wall when it comes to horror, and he's just been rehashing old plotlines (Black House ala Talisman).

Well, The Stand is actually the only one of his I've read. Again, I'm not much of a reader.

SI

Well, this guy and I were having a feud in high school and he wrote on my windshield with shaving cream, so I wrote on his Camaro with cheese in a can, so I guess I'm also guilty of felonious use of cheese-related products.

By the way, you wouldn't think that cheese in a can would be effective, but when it's 104 degrees in July, it can be a powerful weapon when applied to a Z24.

Sorry, but I'm a HUGE King fan, having read just about everything that he's ever put out. First of all, Christine and From a Buick 8 are nothing alike. The only thing they have in common is that they involve cars. That's it.

Second, I really enjoyed Insomnia. The great thing about King is that almost all of his novels connect in some way, and Insomnia connects to It, the Dark Tower series, and several other books as well.

Tommyknockers wasn't his best book by any means, but Dreamcatcher was an very good book that I thouroughly enjoyed.

Also, Black House is the sequal to The Talisman, so that's why they're similair, but they aren't the same plotline at all.

Have you read any of the Dark Tower series? It's a great read. There are four books out right now, and the three final books should be out in the next couple of years (starting in December). The universe in the DT series is pretty much the central terminal of Stephen King's books. Everything leads back to the Tower. I have so much fun reading his books, rereading them, catching references that I didn't catch before.

I know that I'm not alone in feeling like this. I just can't get enough of SK, and I'm going to be really, really sad when he retires...