Quote:
Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA
This was actually not what I thought it was going to be about. (I was expecting it to be a "Mr. Ben" thing, a custom that I was only introduced to after we moved to Monticello).
Old-school as I tend to be, I think I land more in the camp that Coffee Warlord is talking about.
-- I don't see any malice aforethought here at all (not as described)
-- I put considerable stock in the addressee's wishes on the matter
And I specifically disagree with you - in certain circumstances - on the parenthetical note you made about ("... or a 16 year old").
A couple of instances come to mind that shape my thoughts/feelings.
1) Two girls that grew through their teen years next door to us in Monticello. We were always "Mr. Jon" and "Miss Mary-Ellen". That was fine, downright quaint even, when they were 14, 16, even 19. Those young ladies are now 30ish ... and it drives me half-bonkers that they can't lose the habit to this day. We are, for all intents & purposes, equals as far as I'm concerned. There's no honorific title necessary for them to address me (and honestly hasn't been in a number of years). They've long since transcending being "the neighbor's kids" to being very dear friends. For cryin' out loud even their husbands picked it up & used it. In hindsight I wish they had become more informal sooner rather than to have gotten so stuck on it that it feels like being called "Old Jon" everytime they address me.
2) Circumstances & age. It's probably a very small subset of situations but with the HS kids that I deal with on the webcast, I would honestly prefer that some of them simply switch to "Jon" rather than "Mr. Whatever". There's tiers/degrees to my relationship with the various kids but honestly, I think I'd be more comfortable with at least some of them just calling me Jon, our dealings are often more collegial than adult/student and it actually kind of throws me off a little bit when they do it. It's a far less pronounced discomfort than the first situation but it does kind of make me twitchy sometimes.
I think the question may really boil down to one of priorities. I'd probably argue, at least generally, in favor of it being more polite to respect the addressees wishes than to stand on a formality that they seem not to prefer.
Isn't there something essential in "being polite" about not making someone else uncomfortable? If not by definition then by some practical sense of the word?
edit to add: I was typing this while you addressed the matter of not getting a sense that it was a strong preference on their part. Just take that into account while reading I guess.
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Heh. Interesting comment about the 16-year-olds. Of course hundreds of teenagers simply called me "Ben" as an adult due to my role in YoungLife, some of whom have become dear friends (3 former YL kids were groomsmen at my wedding, even.) I can see how that'd be a little weird for you. My former coaches do seem to like being called "Coach ____," though, so I guess it's a matter of the particular circumstances.
And yeah, I get what you're saying about part of "being polite" not making the other person uncomfortable. As I said, SWMBO and I try our best to remain outside the parenting-style arguments here. It's pretty nuts.