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Subby · 07-14-2012, 11:16 PM

DAY FOUR

Oh the weekend. You are a fucking whore. Even less structure than the week and the days just seem longer. MORE CHANCES TO STUFF FOOD IN MY CAKESTER CRUSHER. Usually I am tooling around, living the suburban dream, banging overwrought, bored housewives and freebasing leftover percocet.

Mostly.

Today was almost like that, in that I had a thee hour swim meet this morning for three of my kids, then had to hustle my teenager over to his double header baseball game for the afternoon. So, minus the forbidden sex and abuse of prescription medication, it was pretty standard. The problem I started to have today, was the mild panic attacks when I forgot my mental checklist (SHIT! DID I GIVE UP M&M TRAIL MIX YET?) That should be fun when I ostensibly have TEN TIMES MORE items on the list when this is all said and done. During week four, look for easy to remember bad habits like 28) Don't set hair on fire and 30) Stop getting face tattoos.

It was kind of fun though, staying out of Starbucks, drinking iced tea instead of soda, and making a run between games to the grocery store instead of a convenience store. I definitely ate a little less shit today, and my rampant heart palpitations and headaches (which probably means I have a brain tumor so advanced it has its own match.com profile) seemed better than they have been in the past few months.

But really, those were child's play. Why? Because it is EASY to substitute for them. Hell, I proved it today. So it's now time to put something on the list that is going to be BRUTALLY HARD.

Ice cream. Here's why.

Last night, no joke, I had a massive bowl of vanilla ice cream with butterscotch caramel sauce and nuts. At 10p. On the couch, watching the Nats game. Energized with a massive rush of calories, I immediately fell into a deep, dairy mucus infused, Godzilla snoring sleep. Alone (as if that wasn't obvious).

Friday nights at my house ARE OFF THE FUCKING HOOK. It's hard to believe I don't contract more sexually transmitted diseases and/or misdemeanor arrests. Totally living on the edge. But that wasn't even the best part. Oh no. I woke up at 12:30a and thought...hey...I HAVEN'T YET TRIED THE PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM. I WILL PREPARE MYSELF A LARGE BOWL AND COMPARE! NOM NOM SLURP GLORP. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Idiot.

So ice cream is out. I can't control myself, sadly. If we go out as a family to Ben & Jerry's, I have to get the small size. At home, I can only eat it on the birthday of a nuclear family member. Don't cry for me - I'm not depriving myself. I have literally had 1,000 gallons of it in my lifetime. For fuck's sake...I am 41 years-old and I still cannot buy a pint of ice cream and NOT eat the entire thing in under 10 minutes.

Seriously, I have a major love handle/bellyfat issue. I am not obese, but I do weigh over 200 pounds and my fat is slopping over my belt. You know when you are getting chubby enough that the top of the waist of your khakis folds over? Yeah. Not a good look. Plus, that shit will kill you. Also not a good look.

1. No soda.

.
2. No Starbucks.

.
3. No Convenience Stores.

.
4. No ice cream

WE ANSWER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS FROM OUR READERS

"Subby, I hate your guts, but this is a good thread." - spleen1015

Thanks! Sorry I'm such a prick on the Internet. Not sure why.

Wait..what, Honey? Oh my lovely wife says "not just the Internet". Ok then! 25) Stop being a prick.

"Are you getting support from the family in this or are they trying to test/tempt you right now?" - BYU14

These are all positive changes, so my wife is pretty happy. Like I said, she's the CFO, so the more money I save, the more money she can spend at The Container Store on stuff we...ahem...need.

"Also are you any any type of exercise regimen (which is all that keeps me at a reasonable weight) or is that down the road?" BYU14

I run sporadically and I bike to work sporadically. I want to do regimens, but I just can't follow through. Currently I have a bet with some office mates that we each have to run 175 miles before September 1st. Predictably, I was way behind at the beginning of the past week and overdid it and run 21 miles over 3 of the last 4 days. Not exercising is pretty bad, but losing money to my richer office mates is MUCH MUCH WORSE.

This is going to come up down the road, but at my age, I have to do cardo every day. Just have to...so whether that is bike to and from work (1100 calories) or run 5 miles (750 calories) or masturbate for 4 hours (55 calories), I am going to get that going here. Soon. I ran 10 miles today, puked, passed out, and saw God, so I might need to work back up to that distance.

07-14-2012, 11:16 PM	#23
Subby lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: sans pants	DAY FOUR Oh the weekend. You are a fucking whore. Even less structure than the week and the days just seem longer. MORE CHANCES TO STUFF FOOD IN MY CAKESTER CRUSHER. Usually I am tooling around, living the suburban dream, banging overwrought, bored housewives and freebasing leftover percocet. Mostly. Today was almost like that, in that I had a thee hour swim meet this morning for three of my kids, then had to hustle my teenager over to his double header baseball game for the afternoon. So, minus the forbidden sex and abuse of prescription medication, it was pretty standard. The problem I started to have today, was the mild panic attacks when I forgot my mental checklist (SHIT! DID I GIVE UP M&M TRAIL MIX YET?) That should be fun when I ostensibly have TEN TIMES MORE items on the list when this is all said and done. During week four, look for easy to remember bad habits like 28) Don't set hair on fire and 30) Stop getting face tattoos. It was kind of fun though, staying out of Starbucks, drinking iced tea instead of soda, and making a run between games to the grocery store instead of a convenience store. I definitely ate a little less shit today, and my rampant heart palpitations and headaches (which probably means I have a brain tumor so advanced it has its own match.com profile) seemed better than they have been in the past few months. But really, those were child's play. Why? Because it is EASY to substitute for them. Hell, I proved it today. So it's now time to put something on the list that is going to be BRUTALLY HARD. Ice cream. Here's why. Last night, no joke, I had a massive bowl of vanilla ice cream with butterscotch caramel sauce and nuts. At 10p. On the couch, watching the Nats game. Energized with a massive rush of calories, I immediately fell into a deep, dairy mucus infused, Godzilla snoring sleep. Alone (as if that wasn't obvious). Friday nights at my house ARE OFF THE FUCKING HOOK. It's hard to believe I don't contract more sexually transmitted diseases and/or misdemeanor arrests. Totally living on the edge. But that wasn't even the best part. Oh no. I woke up at 12:30a and thought...hey...I HAVEN'T YET TRIED THE PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM. I WILL PREPARE MYSELF A LARGE BOWL AND COMPARE! NOM NOM SLURP GLORP. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Idiot. So ice cream is out. I can't control myself, sadly. If we go out as a family to Ben & Jerry's, I have to get the small size. At home, I can only eat it on the birthday of a nuclear family member. Don't cry for me - I'm not depriving myself. I have literally had 1,000 gallons of it in my lifetime. For fuck's sake...I am 41 years-old and I still cannot buy a pint of ice cream and NOT eat the entire thing in under 10 minutes. Seriously, I have a major love handle/bellyfat issue. I am not obese, but I do weigh over 200 pounds and my fat is slopping over my belt. You know when you are getting chubby enough that the top of the waist of your khakis folds over? Yeah. Not a good look. Plus, that shit will kill you. Also not a good look. 1. No soda. . 2. No Starbucks. . 3. No Convenience Stores. . 4. No ice cream WE ANSWER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS FROM OUR READERS "Subby, I hate your guts, but this is a good thread." - spleen1015 Thanks! Sorry I'm such a prick on the Internet. Not sure why. Wait..what, Honey? Oh my lovely wife says "not just the Internet". Ok then! 25) Stop being a prick. "Are you getting support from the family in this or are they trying to test/tempt you right now?" - BYU14 These are all positive changes, so my wife is pretty happy. Like I said, she's the CFO, so the more money I save, the more money she can spend at The Container Store on stuff we...ahem...need. "Also are you any any type of exercise regimen (which is all that keeps me at a reasonable weight) or is that down the road?" BYU14 I run sporadically and I bike to work sporadically. I want to do regimens, but I just can't follow through. Currently I have a bet with some office mates that we each have to run 175 miles before September 1st. Predictably, I was way behind at the beginning of the past week and overdid it and run 21 miles over 3 of the last 4 days. Not exercising is pretty bad, but losing money to my richer office mates is MUCH MUCH WORSE. This is going to come up down the road, but at my age, I have to do cardo every day. Just have to...so whether that is bike to and from work (1100 calories) or run 5 miles (750 calories) or masturbate for 4 hours (55 calories), I am going to get that going here. Soon. I ran 10 miles today, puked, passed out, and saw God, so I might need to work back up to that distance. __________________ Superman was flying around and saw Wonder Woman getting a tan in the nude on her balcony. Superman said I going to hit that real fast. So he flys down toward Wonder Woman to hit it and their is a loud scream. The Invincible Man scream what just hit me in the ass!!!!! I do shit, I take pictures, I write about it: chrisshue.com Last edited by Subby : 07-14-2012 at 11:22 PM.