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Subby · 07-26-2012, 08:17 AM

DAY FOURTEEN

So yesterday I ran 20 miles. I ran to work in the morning (11.1) and then took a different route home in the evening (9.6). I biked into work this morning.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I have a stupid bet with this woman in the office that is a SIDE BET of a larger bet we made at the beginning of the summer. The big bet is that starting June 1, we (two colleagues of mine and me) had to run 175 miles by the end of July OR pay $80 to the other two participants. EASY. Of course, being the procrastinating PIECE OF SHIT that I am, I had run all of 44 miles by July 23rd. The woman in the lead had 67 and was taunting me. I WILL NOT ABIDE TAUNTING. So I make a stupid bet of like $10 that I will have more total mileage than her at the end of the day on July 31st. It's not about the money, of course, it's about PAYING THE MONEY. I will not ever EVER pay money out for running challenges. Why? Because that part of my brain has not fully formed and I have no problem running myself into Grade 5 coma if it means NOT LOSING a bet. I don't even care about winning. I just don't want to lose and fork over anything.

So I ran 20 miles and change yesterday. Double chin, manboobs, everything. What the hell would I be capable of if I could shed 50 pounds (AKA A SMALL THIRD GRADER). I am basically carrying an elementary school student in my body. That's how fat I am. I can't even imagine the kind of ass I could kick if I lost 50 pounds. Twenty miles? Fuck that. I lose 50 pounds and I can run 20 miles, blow up a meth lab, and impregnate a female senator (yes I know they are all menopausal. THAT'S HOW FUCKING AWESOME I WOULD BE).

So that's all just a fancy way of saying that I worked out the last two days.

ON TO THE NEXT TURRIBULL HABIT

1. No soda.

2. No Starbucks.

3. No Convenience Stores.

4. No ice cream.

5. No eating after 8pm.

6. No staying up late.

7. No cookies.

8. No buying breakfast.

9. No candy bars.

10. No gorging pizza

11. No food from work kitchen.

12. No sleeping in (out of bed at 6am).

13. No skipping exercise.

14. No sports drinks

I love seeing big fat guys grabbing a gatorade and a bag of fritos to go with their footlong sub. HEY GOING TO WORK OUT THERE, USAIN? Holy shit, I just crushed those stairs going to my kid's school GET ME A VITAMIN WATER. IT IS BETTER THAN REGULAR WATER BECAUSE IT HAS VITAMINS AND SUGAR.

If I am getting my nutrition from a sports drink, then I am fucked anyway. It sucks too, because they make Vitamin water and Gatorade SO GAWDAMNN TASTY. I could drink that red vitamin water every fucking day. But it's expensive and high calorie. And the low calorie/zero calorie tastes like Zima. And everyone knows Zima tastes like deer urine.

Plus I am convinced that shit makes your teeth weak. Weak teeth, manboobs, and small hands. WHO IS GETTING MOIST HERE? HMMMM?

Look, if you are going to work out or play hard for 45 minutes or more that's one thing. But as a casual drink, why? You knew once they started providing gatorade as a fountain drink at 7-11 that it was as shitty as the rest of the sodas and slurpees.

So from now on, I am not drinking that shit. Unless I buy the powder and mix it up myself (LIKE A BOSS) and drink it after I burn 500+ calories during exercise.

WE ANSWER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS FROM OUR READERS

"I didn't want to be the 10th guy to pop in and say, "We're the same!!!", but Jesus H dude... it's like you have a hidden camera on me or something." - heybrad

No one WANTS to look like this or dress like this (unless they have Aspberger's and even then...). I have vivid memories of walking back to my office, huge bag of carry-out lunch in had, when I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window. I almost always hate what is starring back. Out of shape, poorly dressed, 1,200 calories waiting to be ingested. WAY TO STEP UP YOUR GAME, PLAYER! SUCCESS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! Then I play a little mental game and try and spot all the middle-aged losers that look even worse than me. Because hey - if I'm not the absolute WORST, I'm still ahead of the game! #winning.

"Darnit, I took today off and decided to rest my legs rather than go to the Y between running days on Tue/Thur. - cuervo"

I used to be a big fan of rest days. Then I would use those days to eat 4,000 calories and negate everything I did the previous day. CUNNING. There is nothing worse than working out when you are full of food (AND SHITTING YOUR PANTS WHOOPS!), so for me it is usually means I eat less on days when I know I am going to exercise.

"I too am like Subby in almost all these ways" - Lathum

I would never try and get rid of bad habits if I had small kids. Bad habits are the only thing that get you through having to change diapers. That said - Cheetohs and Diet Coke at 7am? You're better than that.

"As for getting cardio-type exercise, I find it WAY more preferable to do something like play pick-up volleyball or basketball for 2-3 hours a week. I probably have an easy time of finding pick-up games on a college campus, but playing a sport with purpose beats the heck out of pounding feet on a treadmill or something." - britrock

I'm 5'10 with a medium build. A/S/L?

As far as exercise is concerned, I suck at sports, so playing anything in a group setting is usually just a massive exercise in failure and humiliation. The only thing I like to do is run (outside - treadmills are for psychos). I also bought a bike at the beginning of the year to commute to work (which I can tolerate). Running is what I do though. If I couldn't run then I would be completely fucked.

"You're giving up the very few things that make life worth living when you're middle aged. If you add cheese and beer to the list, there'll be nothing left." -critch
See, I think I am adding stuff that DOESN'T MATTER. I have not removed alcohol. Or liquid cocaine. Or casual sex with sorrority girls. Those things make life worth living. Beer, yes! Cheese, yes! CARAMEL WAFFLE COOKIES FROM EXXON QUICK MART? No.

07-26-2012, 08:17 AM	#79
Subby lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: sans pants	DAY FOURTEEN So yesterday I ran 20 miles. I ran to work in the morning (11.1) and then took a different route home in the evening (9.6). I biked into work this morning. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I have a stupid bet with this woman in the office that is a SIDE BET of a larger bet we made at the beginning of the summer. The big bet is that starting June 1, we (two colleagues of mine and me) had to run 175 miles by the end of July OR pay $80 to the other two participants. EASY. Of course, being the procrastinating PIECE OF SHIT that I am, I had run all of 44 miles by July 23rd. The woman in the lead had 67 and was taunting me. I WILL NOT ABIDE TAUNTING. So I make a stupid bet of like $10 that I will have more total mileage than her at the end of the day on July 31st. It's not about the money, of course, it's about PAYING THE MONEY. I will not ever EVER pay money out for running challenges. Why? Because that part of my brain has not fully formed and I have no problem running myself into Grade 5 coma if it means NOT LOSING a bet. I don't even care about winning. I just don't want to lose and fork over anything. So I ran 20 miles and change yesterday. Double chin, manboobs, everything. What the hell would I be capable of if I could shed 50 pounds (AKA A SMALL THIRD GRADER). I am basically carrying an elementary school student in my body. That's how fat I am. I can't even imagine the kind of ass I could kick if I lost 50 pounds. Twenty miles? Fuck that. I lose 50 pounds and I can run 20 miles, blow up a meth lab, and impregnate a female senator (yes I know they are all menopausal. THAT'S HOW FUCKING AWESOME I WOULD BE). So that's all just a fancy way of saying that I worked out the last two days. ON TO THE NEXT TURRIBULL HABIT 1. No soda. 2. No Starbucks. 3. No Convenience Stores. 4. No ice cream. 5. No eating after 8pm. 6. No staying up late. 7. No cookies. 8. No buying breakfast. 9. No candy bars. 10. No gorging pizza 11. No food from work kitchen. 12. No sleeping in (out of bed at 6am). 13. No skipping exercise. 14. No sports drinks I love seeing big fat guys grabbing a gatorade and a bag of fritos to go with their footlong sub. HEY GOING TO WORK OUT THERE, USAIN? Holy shit, I just crushed those stairs going to my kid's school GET ME A VITAMIN WATER. IT IS BETTER THAN REGULAR WATER BECAUSE IT HAS VITAMINS AND SUGAR. If I am getting my nutrition from a sports drink, then I am fucked anyway. It sucks too, because they make Vitamin water and Gatorade SO GAWDAMNN TASTY. I could drink that red vitamin water every fucking day. But it's expensive and high calorie. And the low calorie/zero calorie tastes like Zima. And everyone knows Zima tastes like deer urine. Plus I am convinced that shit makes your teeth weak. Weak teeth, manboobs, and small hands. WHO IS GETTING MOIST HERE? HMMMM? Look, if you are going to work out or play hard for 45 minutes or more that's one thing. But as a casual drink, why? You knew once they started providing gatorade as a fountain drink at 7-11 that it was as shitty as the rest of the sodas and slurpees. So from now on, I am not drinking that shit. Unless I buy the powder and mix it up myself (LIKE A BOSS) and drink it after I burn 500+ calories during exercise. WE ANSWER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS FROM OUR READERS "I didn't want to be the 10th guy to pop in and say, "We're the same!!!", but Jesus H dude... it's like you have a hidden camera on me or something." - heybrad No one WANTS to look like this or dress like this (unless they have Aspberger's and even then...). I have vivid memories of walking back to my office, huge bag of carry-out lunch in had, when I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window. I almost always hate what is starring back. Out of shape, poorly dressed, 1,200 calories waiting to be ingested. WAY TO STEP UP YOUR GAME, PLAYER! SUCCESS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! Then I play a little mental game and try and spot all the middle-aged losers that look even worse than me. Because hey - if I'm not the absolute WORST, I'm still ahead of the game! #winning. "Darnit, I took today off and decided to rest my legs rather than go to the Y between running days on Tue/Thur. - cuervo" I used to be a big fan of rest days. Then I would use those days to eat 4,000 calories and negate everything I did the previous day. CUNNING. There is nothing worse than working out when you are full of food (AND SHITTING YOUR PANTS WHOOPS!), so for me it is usually means I eat less on days when I know I am going to exercise. "I too am like Subby in almost all these ways" - Lathum I would never try and get rid of bad habits if I had small kids. Bad habits are the only thing that get you through having to change diapers. That said - Cheetohs and Diet Coke at 7am? You're better than that. "As for getting cardio-type exercise, I find it WAY more preferable to do something like play pick-up volleyball or basketball for 2-3 hours a week. I probably have an easy time of finding pick-up games on a college campus, but playing a sport with purpose beats the heck out of pounding feet on a treadmill or something." - britrock I'm 5'10 with a medium build. A/S/L? As far as exercise is concerned, I suck at sports, so playing anything in a group setting is usually just a massive exercise in failure and humiliation. The only thing I like to do is run (outside - treadmills are for psychos). I also bought a bike at the beginning of the year to commute to work (which I can tolerate). Running is what I do though. If I couldn't run then I would be completely fucked. "You're giving up the very few things that make life worth living when you're middle aged. If you add cheese and beer to the list, there'll be nothing left." -critch See, I think I am adding stuff that DOESN'T MATTER. I have not removed alcohol. Or liquid cocaine. Or casual sex with sorrority girls. Those things make life worth living. Beer, yes! Cheese, yes! CARAMEL WAFFLE COOKIES FROM EXXON QUICK MART? No. __________________ Superman was flying around and saw Wonder Woman getting a tan in the nude on her balcony. Superman said I going to hit that real fast. So he flys down toward Wonder Woman to hit it and their is a loud scream. The Invincible Man scream what just hit me in the ass!!!!! I do shit, I take pictures, I write about it: chrisshue.com Last edited by Subby : 07-26-2012 at 08:17 AM.