[Suicane75]

The Avengers: 5.6 Out Of 10

A tale of two movies for me. And at over 2 hours of run time it needed to do better than that because I was bored as shit until the final fight scene.

Firstly, I wasn't feeling the villains at all. I know it's a comic book movie and I know I'm not familiar with the history of Loki and whatever that blue thing was that brought him in but it just came across as too much silliness.

The in fighting amongst The Avengers and lead up to the climactic battle is just fucking arduous and really had me hating the damn thing. But I'll give it credit, the final battle carried the movie. It sort of reminded me of the battle in Dragon Wars which was a god awful movie with maybe the best battle scene in movie history. This battle wasn't quite that good but it saved the film in my eyes.

Another problem I had was that I really don't like most of the heroes. Iron Man was awesome but the sequel was a major let down to me and here he's just more of the same, the schtick is tiresome. Honestly, if this movie doesn't have Ruffalo and his Banner/Hulk, it's pretty worthless.



Battleship: 2.1 Out Of 10

The film equivalent of watching an impotent man jerk off as hard as he can for 2 hours. Might very well be the worlds first full blown cut and paste movie as I don't think I noticed a single original idea over the entire dreadful viewing experience.

Ok. So a dude who isn't in the Navy in the first scene of the movie is 2nd in command of a battleship by the time his 2nd scene rolls around, wait.......what?

Battleships can be helmed by 5 people, who also double as soldiers in the event of an emergency, wait.......what? I could go on and on. There's is so much depressing about this movie and the people who wrote it, filmed it, financed it.

Even the actors, through no fault of their own, all look exactly like they're supposed to look. It's just sad.

Nothing in this fucking film makes any fucking sense.

I did however wonder while I was watching, why are advanced aliens always building technology bigger? When our most advanced weapon can be delivered on a 2 ton bomb, why do they need one 500 miles high?

The only joy derived from this abortion is if you find incompetence and ridiculousness amusing. But even that starts to wear thin at a point.



Rampart: 6.4 Out Of 10

Set in LA in the early 90's, Rampart tells the tale of a cop who may or may not be a racist, murdering, corrupt, womanizer. And Woody Harrelson is fabulous at playing all those things. The main failing the movie had with me, is that it all sort of leads....not nowhere, but it doesn't finish strong.

It seems aimless, trying to tell too many stories at maybe the sacrifice of more important ones. It's slow and deliberate but if that bothers you, Harrelson commands the screen at all times and never lets things drag as much they may have in the hands of a lesser presence.

Robin Wright, whom I've never found all that hot is extremely sexy here as well.



Prometheus: 6.8 Out Of 10

Solid, if underwhelming, is how I'd describe it. Maybe I was just looking forward to it too much and had my expectations in the clouds but it felt like it gave me everything I wanted, just not enough of it.

There was stuff that was just a bit too silly (the abortion), not quite as sexy (Charlize & Noomi), and overall just not enough of the story. It's a rare instance where a film may have been bettered by having 30-40 extra minutes, but I think this is one of those cases. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I was expecting a bit of a groundbreaking film, too much of it centers on stuff I've seen before. The guys break off from the group, the aliens are in the ship, firefights. I was honestly not expecting to feel so much "ok, this is the part of the movie where this stuff happens", kind of stuff.

Another letdown, and I'm willing to concede that this could be my fault, is that at times I just didn't get it. A lot of the times I was watching a scene that was at once stock and also baffling. I felt like there was a story here that could have been explained a lot deeper but was just vague for some reason.

Anyhoo, it's a solid movie and I enjoyed the whole thing, and I'm not a Sci-Fi guy. Noomi is a sexy creature and Charlize is captivating for what little she's given to do but outside of the robot nobody else really had me into their characters.

A strong movie that I have a feeling I would have enjoyed more if I'd just waited for the extended edition DVD.



Taken: 5.7 Out Of 10

I let this one slip through when it first came out despite hearing good things and being intrigued by the trailers. With the sequel about to be released I figured I'd go back and watch the original. I don't know why my expectations were high for this film but for some reason I had it in my head that it'd be a smart action movie. Unfortunately it's not at all smart, though Liam Neeson is stellar and the action is pretty good.

I suppose Neesons performance alone is worth watching this, but it would have been nice if his job here was presented in a film that wasn't just so over the top silly. It'd be ok if the film understood how silly it is but it keeps tugging the heartstrings and getting all serious and shit.



Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D: 3.2 Out Of 10

Interesting movie here, moreso than you might think. It appears to be of two wills. One trying to get across and intriguing storyline involving family, that provides an interesting twist for possible new life in the series. On the other hand it's wrapped around a movie so cliche and pedantic that you wonder why they even bothered to make it.

It starts and ends with promise, but in between is pretty much nothing. As the film opens we're transported to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and then in an interesting way to approach things, we get about 5 more minutes, starting where the original left off. I thought this was a pretty innovative set up and gave me some hope for the film. The way they structure the film pretty much disregards any of the sequels as well as the reboot from a few years back.

So then, we skip ahead to present day and it becomes your normal cliche horror film, except to the umpteenth degree. I mean for real. None of the characters are fleshed out at all, or just enough to make you not give a single shit about whether they live or die.

We have the lead girl, who must have had it in her contract that he belly be visible 90% of the film, and it's a fine belly to be sure, but nary a boob is seen in the entire film. In fact there's a scene where she's hanging by her wrists, shirt ripped open, and magically her giant boobs, despite all her frantic struggling, are never revealed. So stupid.

Anyhoo, she gets a letter and learns that she's been adopted, and that her real Grandmother has left her the family house. So of course she takes off on a whim to the middle of nowhere Texas with her boyfriend and her best friend and her boyfriend. There is an insipid sub plot with the boyfriend and best friend that exists solely to make you not like them, but it's all of about 45 seconds of screen time and so painfully shoe horned that it's just silly.

Anyway, they pick up a hitchhiker along the way and then go to the newly bequeefed house, where of course something is waiting for them. That's act 1.

From there it's just your standard slasher movie for about half an hour. There's a fun gore shot or two, and despite the set up for a good sex scene, it's led into and then completely ignored, which is fucking frustrating as hell. There is some chase, but again, the characters are so ridiculously thin that there's zero tension and what should be the most exciting part of the movie becomes a bit of tedious viewing.

The last third of the movie picks up a bit if only for the story, but now we're introduced to more characters who are just so shit brained stupid and one note that you end groaning as we watch them stupidly lumber to get where it's obvious we're going.

I guess the ending sets up the possibility for more movies, but why bother. It's clear nobody involved here was much interested in writing a good horror movie so who gives a shit if they do another one.



The Campaign: 8.2 Out Of 10

Will Ferrell & Zach Galifianakis star in this political satire that hits all the right comedic notes, never really feels preachy, and sadly, rings truer than it should.

Ferrell is an incumbent Congressman running unopposed in his district but his inability to keep his schlong penned up has created an opportunity for a couple of billionaire businessmen to run their own candidate and take over the seat. That's where Zach comes in.

Zack is an effeminate everyman, the son of an old school politico, played marvelously by Rip Torn. He's not a politician, but the brothers send in political star maker Dylan McDermot to whip Zack into shape.

Besides being very funny, The Campaign never comes across as preachy. Both men are flawed, both men at times seek redemption, this is not a Donkey Vs Elephant movie. The satire rests more in the total of the political system and how fucked up it's gotten, rather than in taking pot shots at ones ideology.

Both main characters teeter on the edge of the absurd and though it clearly leans that way, it never falls in. It also has a pretty big heart.

This Campaign is a winner.