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Week 2 Friday Homework
Info to better understand today's stuff: I hate the dentist. I didn't go for years, that caused problems. I have found a local "gentle dentist" that I really like and have fixed lots of problems over the past 2-3 years. Nitrous for ALL THE THINGS.
Routine Activity - Going to the dentist b/c of a sudden problem right after this task (brushing my teeth is the routine activity this week remember). Mind racing/feeling lots of anxiety, but again, the main thing I notice is that attempting to do this mundane task mindfully allows me to actually take my time and do it right and not be tempted to rush my anxiety ridden ass out the door.
Sitting Practice - I decide to give this a try in the waiting room at the dentist. Their chairs are actually pretty nice, finding a decent posture is not hard. I look to focus on my breathing. I'm aware of the talking around me, receptionists answering phones, I notice it all but I am not listening to every conversation around me or focusing on those things, I go back to my breathing. My mind is racing a good bit here, I do this until I'm called back, ~8 minutes (checked my phone before i started and when I got called).
I've been more comfortable with this dentist office as I've worked more with them, BUT, this is an emergency visit, normally for something like this I would be feeling absolute dread every second. Here i really, honestly notice a difference. Yes, my mind is racing, but while doing this I am not hyperfocused on all the things that might be wrong or on how much its going to hurt or how expensive it might be... the things that would usually consume me at this time for an unknown problem in a place where I have a long history of being very, very uncomfortable and have had some very, very bad experiences (with other dentists, not this one). My mind is just... going along. Its not settling anywhere, I'm not having to push myself hard to stop worrying. I'm just thinking about my breathing and allowing myself to notice the things around me and allow them to pass by. I am not supremely calm, or in some pleasant zen like state, but I do find I am remarkably less stressed than I would have expected to be, and that those 8 minutes in the waiting room feel like 5 or less, instead of hours.
Stress Response - I fractured a tooth in what is described as a "freak event". IE, none of my past lack of care caused this, this appears to be just shitty luck. I need a crown, might need a root canal, which we won't know until they get in there and start working next week. Will cost close to 4 figures. Since I already had a filling done earlier in the year, this is going to basically use up the rest of my dental insurance allowance for 2015. My response to this stress is anger. I don't take it out on anyone at the dentist office or anything. Hell I can't even be mad at myself. If they told me that my past shitty habits caused it, I wouldn't get mad. I'd be very hard on myself, but there would at least be a reason, so it would be ok'ish.
So yea, interesting morning. The response to trying something different in the waiting room is fascinating to me. The response to finding out that the problem is basically as bad and as expensive as it could have possibly been is pretty much what I'd expect, and worth noting.
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