Front Office Football Central - View Single Post - IWS #242 - A Day in the Life of Stupid

Butter · 01-20-2017, 02:21 PM

The Rules

The rules are the same as previous FOFC “I’m With Stupid" Contests, as set forth by the game's beloved progenitors, although perhaps "beloved" is a bit too strong a word.

The object of this contest is to answer the questions posted, and to provide the most common answer among those submitted. For each question, your score will be equal to the number of people who submitted that response. Your score for the contest will be the product of your individual question scores. For the mathematically challenged, product means they are multiplied together, not added. Highest score wins.

Collaboration of any kind is strictly forbidden. No posting your answers to this board, nor sharing them by e-mail or in any other way with other potential contestants. There are no prizes other than everlasting glory and total consciousness on your deathbed, so the need to cheat shouldn't be an issue.

All determinations of "matches" and anything else requiring even the most trivial degree of judgment fall to that of the sole administrator of this round of the game. You can reduce the need for doubt and judgment by properly spelling your submissions, being clear, and that sort of thing. My decisions are final and utterly inarguable, no exceptions.

Any references that are unclear to you, due to language or geography, should be understood to be authored from the perspective of an English-speaking American. However...

Your answers do not necessarily have to be correct in order to score points. If I ask "Who should have won the Heisman Trophy this year?", and you answer, "Lamar Jackson", along with 9 other people, you each score 10 points, even though the correct answer is Deshaun Watson.

Spoiler

Stupid sleepily wakes on a lazy Saturday, with a feeling of longing and sadness inside him. His wife has just left him, and taken both of their lovely teenage children with her. Finally mustering up enough willpower to get out of bed around 11:30 AM, he realizes he has no food in the house and all the fast food places have stopped serving breakfast.

He swings by the local donut place, but his pit of sadness won't be filled by your basic glazed donut. He wants one of the fancier kinds that will help him eat his feelings.

1. What kind of donut, other than glazed, does Stupid buy?

After finishing off crying over his donut, he remembers that the last thing he told his 16 year old son before the boy was rushed out of the house by his terrible mom was that with Stupid's yearly bonus check, Stupid would buy the boy a solid used car so the boy could come visit his old man whenever he wanted. Stupid needs it to be reliable, safety conscious, but not break the bank.

2. What make of car does Stupid buy for his teenage son?

With hours of staring at the wall and feeling empty inside, Stupid realizes that the car buying process has taken him all day. He's got to get home before dark to let his dog out... but again, no food in the house. He can't bear going to a drive-thru, as he and his wife's first date was at a McDonald's drive-thru because they were both poor college kids. He's into the fast casual (or "counter-service") thing, and a shopping center near his house has nearly endless choices.

3. From what fast casual chain does Stupid pick up dinner?

Bringing the bag in and setting the dinner on the sofa, he finally feels the true emptiness of the dimming house closing in around him. He slowly sinks into the stupid leather sofa that she insisted on buying and turns on DirecTV. Flipping around between the channels, he flips through soul-crushing show after soul-crushing show.... INTERVENTION... THE WALKING DEAD... THE BIG BANG THEORY...

Finding nothing, he decides to turn on Netflix and finally get started on one of their original series he's been meaning to get caught up on... after all, it's not like he has to worry about what his wife wants to watch anymore.

4. What Netflix original series does Stupid begin watching?

While eating dinner, Stupid's dog sits and watches him eat patiently... and then once Stupid finishes, the dog jumps up and joins him on the couch. "At least you've always been my one companion in all this," he looks down at his dog and says. "Thank God I still have something to hold onto."

The dog, a perfect mix of a lap dog, a family dog, and a guardian slowly closes his eyes and falls asleep next to his master.

5. What breed of dog does Stupid own?

Stupid wakes up about 12:30 AM, and Netflix is blinking at him to watch the next episode. Instead, Stupid slowly trudges to his cold, lonely bedroom and slips into his giant King bed with nothing to greet him but 600 thread count sheets and Alexa.

He has trouble getting to sleep thinking about what he did wrong. Why did she leave him? What could he have done differently? Why did he even care so much, as their marriage had been loveless and largely a show for the kids for years? Finally, after spending a half hour watching hentai on his phone, he tells the electronic voice to put on his favorite Beatles album from Spotify... that hasn't failed to eventually calm him and put him to sleep since he was a teenager. But even that is tricky, as he and his wife used to have occasional arguments about which Beatles album was the best.

6. Which is the best Beatles album?

Good night, Stupid. Just keep livin'... maybe tomorrow will be better. But probably not. I mean, you are 48 and your wife just left you. It's probably only going to get worse from here.

Please send responses to these questions via PM by 7 AM Eastern on Thursday January 26th.