Quote:
Originally Posted by PilotMan
This was exactly one thing he said. That the life you thought I would have isn't the one I'm going to, or something similar to that. He left back to school much more relaxed and happy having done it. Apparently, he had told my wife back in early December and she had tried to talk him into talking to me earlier. Ultimately, she ended up telling him that she didn't feel right keeping it from me and that he needed to get it done, and that lead to today.
I'm struggling a bit today, but I know I'll be ok. I just need to process this a bit. It's really hard to explain though. It's the fear that I'll feel differently about him because of the way I was raised, and it's not even a conscious thought. I don't think I will, but there's some fear inside that I'll change something without meaning to, or that I'll say something, or act differently without wanting to. I love him incredibly much, from the moment he was born and we're big time buddies.
Like I said, difficult to explain.
|
While it is understandable, I think you are preemptively being too hard on yourself. You already said that you are not the same person you were when you were younger. I assume your son knows the kind of person you are today and the love that you have for him. If the relationship is what you say it is and YOU have no reason to believe that the relationship is not what you say it is, I don't see any reason why you would feel any different. Remember, your son came out to the person you are today. I am not sure he is coming out to the person you were years ago. That is a credit to you, him and the relationship you both have with each other
I also think that the expectations that you will not say something or act differently is unrealistic. You both have already acknowledged that things have changed when it comes to your expectations for his life path. However, based on what you have said here and the fact that he went back to school more relaxed and happy, things have changed for the better. The key is that you both know and trust that any missteps that may occur in the future occurred without intent and without malice.