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Old 02-19-2023, 12:06 AM   #588
Solecismic
Solecismic Software
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Canton, OH
There's a whole host of relationship expertise out there. Best I've seen is the Love Languages approach. Idea being that people express their cares in relationships differently and if you have different languages that are important to you, you might not recognize caring from someone else.

Could be a fundamental incompatibility. If you are unhappy, either you adjust your expectations or you adjust your behavior. I don't think a few months amounts to it being worth having that talk if you're unhappy and she's unhappy.

The philosophy helps you understand what's going on. And, if both partners are able and willing, helps you evaluate and adjust. I don't think partners have to have the same primary love language, but they do have to understand what their partners like and they have to recognize when their partners are trying to show caring and love.

Many couples stay together out of a fear or dislike of being alone, and nothing else. They don't work on their relationships. They suffer. They expect their partner to work magic that doesn't exist.

It's difficult to see what's going on there. Sometimes you post and I think you're not someone who is willing to work on relationships, so you end up giving up or passively letting your partner give up. Maybe that's what's happening here. I don't think she would send those texts if she's not pretty much telling you she wants out.

But if there's something about her that makes you want to work on things - that she's "the one", learn her language. Help her learn yours. Sometimes people think they want to focus on one, but end up happier, after introspection, realizing their primary language is very different.

I think her primary language is Acts of Service, from what you've written. If that's something you're unwilling to learn about and work on, you're better off ripping off the band-aid.

I also think, and many people would disagree, that a month or so is enough time to know if someone is "the one" - which means worthy of learning about and trying to keep each other happy (rather than some mystical "soul mate" blather). But generally, if so, a few months in and you're nowhere even near unhappy and stale.

Whatever happens, I think the workplace thing is not even remotely a good idea. I know people often get away with a lot of stuff at work, but both men and women have the right to do their jobs without worrying about someone continually asking them out or "testing" the waters. There are exceptions, but as a rule, it's not cool.
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