Quote:
Originally Posted by Mota
Is listening to your partner really selling yourself out though? Every woman wants to feel heard, and to feel special.
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I guess there is a lot we do not know, but NH has been outgoing enough to start an exercise group, made adjustments to it, and seemed to recognize that one of the other members was making folks uncomfortable. He seems, at least, adequately outgoing and situationally aware to me, based on those things and some of the other comments throughout the thread. Things were going well in the relationship ("swimmingly" at Christmas) up until a few weeks ago. He can take some or all of the blame and probably should take all of it if the partner was literally suggesting date ideas for two months that he completely missed out on. But, I think it is equally possible that she could not be communicating as clearly as she believes she is or that she is giving hints and hoping that he will take the ball and run with it. He says he doesn't recall any ideas that she proposed, so there is an obvious disconnect there.
I would say that he could improve at paying attention and asking her what she would like in dates more often (sounds like his MO was to go on group dates and to visit family?), but she could probably also take more initiative in planning dates herself or communicating more clearly with what she wants. That could make this particular relationship better, but if he is just more comfortable being around friends or family and she wants more adventure, one or both could compromise some (that can work, but it can also make both partners feel like they are making themselves uncomfortable just to make their partner comfortable) or they could try to choose partners that enjoy things more in line with their respective interests. Relationships that become transactional (I did this for you, so you have to do this for me) can lead to score keeping and become toxic.