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Young Drachma · 11-15-2024, 07:42 PM

CARDINALS SURVIVE GAME 7 BEHIND WLEH’S WIZARDRY, SEND SERIES TO DECISIVE GAME 8
By Deadspin Staff Writer Who Definitely Didn’t Have Their Draft Stolen by ChatGPT

The St. Louis Cardinals aren't dead yet, folks. Thanks to an absolutely filthy outing by Mark Wleh, the kind of performance you tell your grandkids about even though they’ve never watched a full baseball game, the Cards trounced the Baltimore Orioles 6-1 in Game 7 of the best-of-nine World Series (we'll never get used to saying that). Busch Stadium was a soggy cauldron of energy, with 48,619 fans refusing to let relentless drizzle—and 47-degree temps—dampen their spirits.

Wleh was unhittable in that way where you wonder if the Orioles collectively left their bats on the team plane. Eight innings, four hits, one measly run, and ten strikeouts. He wasn’t just pitching; he was conducting a master class in “sit down and shut up.” Not a single Baltimore hitter managed to figure him out. He made Bouché, Narcisse, and Moreno—guys who normally get cheers louder than free beer—look like extras in a Little League movie.

Meanwhile, Baltimore starter Evan Nemerov… well. His line—6 innings, 10 hits, 5 earned runs—was the kind of thing that might get your face pixelated in a postgame highlight package. The Cardinals batters were relentless, taking him apart piece by piece like an IKEA coffee table, leaving Baltimore fans to wonder whether they should’ve just gone with the bullpen sooner.

Let’s talk offense. St. Louis wasn’t flashy; they were surgical. Jose Cordero and Miguel Del Angel led the charge, combining for four RBIs that felt less like insurance runs and more like the nails in Baltimore’s proverbial coffin. Lars Ramirez added a dagger of a two-run homer in the fifth, and if there’s a more poetic way to end a wet, miserable night for the Orioles, we don’t want to hear it.

The Orioles' only glimmer of hope came from Kevin Richardson, who doubled in the ninth off a clearly human Mark Wleh. But don’t get it twisted—this wasn’t a “Baltimore rally.” This was more like watching a broken-down car crawl to the nearest exit while Wleh waved from the rearview mirror.

Even the rain couldn’t dampen the vibes in St. Louis. Manager Wookie Rodgers—yes, that’s his real name—gave us this gem of a quote after the game:

“A confident pitcher is a dangerous thing. That’s what Mark is right now.”

Translation: We have a horse, and you’re all screwed.

So, now what? The series is 4-3, and the Cardinals are right back in it, clawing their way out of the hole they dug when Baltimore decided to cosplay as 1970s dynasties for the first six games. Game 8 is tomorrow night, back at Busch Stadium, and if tonight was any indication, the Cards have all the momentum. Or maybe they don’t—this is baseball, and chaos reigns supreme.

One thing’s for sure: The Orioles better figure out how to hit a baseball, or Wleh’s going to have a statue outside Busch by Friday.

11-15-2024, 07:42 PM	#74
Young Drachma Dark Cloud Join Date: Apr 2001	CARDINALS SURVIVE GAME 7 BEHIND WLEH’S WIZARDRY, SEND SERIES TO DECISIVE GAME 8 By Deadspin Staff Writer Who Definitely Didn’t Have Their Draft Stolen by ChatGPT The St. Louis Cardinals aren't dead yet, folks. Thanks to an absolutely filthy outing by Mark Wleh, the kind of performance you tell your grandkids about even though they’ve never watched a full baseball game, the Cards trounced the Baltimore Orioles 6-1 in Game 7 of the best-of-nine World Series (we'll never get used to saying that). Busch Stadium was a soggy cauldron of energy, with 48,619 fans refusing to let relentless drizzle—and 47-degree temps—dampen their spirits. Wleh was unhittable in that way where you wonder if the Orioles collectively left their bats on the team plane. Eight innings, four hits, one measly run, and ten strikeouts. He wasn’t just pitching; he was conducting a master class in “sit down and shut up.” Not a single Baltimore hitter managed to figure him out. He made Bouché, Narcisse, and Moreno—guys who normally get cheers louder than free beer—look like extras in a Little League movie. Meanwhile, Baltimore starter Evan Nemerov… well. His line—6 innings, 10 hits, 5 earned runs—was the kind of thing that might get your face pixelated in a postgame highlight package. The Cardinals batters were relentless, taking him apart piece by piece like an IKEA coffee table, leaving Baltimore fans to wonder whether they should’ve just gone with the bullpen sooner. Let’s talk offense. St. Louis wasn’t flashy; they were surgical. Jose Cordero and Miguel Del Angel led the charge, combining for four RBIs that felt less like insurance runs and more like the nails in Baltimore’s proverbial coffin. Lars Ramirez added a dagger of a two-run homer in the fifth, and if there’s a more poetic way to end a wet, miserable night for the Orioles, we don’t want to hear it. The Orioles' only glimmer of hope came from Kevin Richardson, who doubled in the ninth off a clearly human Mark Wleh. But don’t get it twisted—this wasn’t a “Baltimore rally.” This was more like watching a broken-down car crawl to the nearest exit while Wleh waved from the rearview mirror. Even the rain couldn’t dampen the vibes in St. Louis. Manager Wookie Rodgers—yes, that’s his real name—gave us this gem of a quote after the game: “A confident pitcher is a dangerous thing. That’s what Mark is right now.” Translation: We have a horse, and you’re all screwed. So, now what? The series is 4-3, and the Cardinals are right back in it, clawing their way out of the hole they dug when Baltimore decided to cosplay as 1970s dynasties for the first six games. Game 8 is tomorrow night, back at Busch Stadium, and if tonight was any indication, the Cards have all the momentum. Or maybe they don’t—this is baseball, and chaos reigns supreme. One thing’s for sure: The Orioles better figure out how to hit a baseball, or Wleh’s going to have a statue outside Busch by Friday.