Horatio Caine. The greatest hero of our age. His slow, deep voice; his intense gaze; his calm demeanor, and of course, his one-liner brilliance make him the world's most wonderful crimesolver since Sherlock Holmes. Whenever I watch a CSI: Miami episode, the world doesn't seem quite so bad, for we have men like him serving for the good of us all. Whether he comes in after the fact or saves lives by his prompt action and quick thinking, he should be regarded as one of our epic heroes.
After I turn on Netflix and watch a few episodes, I'm calmed down enough to go back to CK II and start anew.
Anew where?
In honor of H, where else could I possibly go?
Ireland. And the bloody red hand of Ulster. Look at all those independent counties. I guess you could say.... *puts on sunglasses* Ireland's a bloody mess. YEAAAAH!!!
First things first. Make a marriage that actually matters and send my councillors to work.
The ironing. It is delicious. Old pal King Svend II is now my ally and on top of it, I'm going to ensure the recessive redhead gene lives on in the family!
As you can probably tell from the above, my plan is to secure Oriel first, as it's the richer of the two counties neighboring me. I need a stronger base, and since wars will likely be decided by mercaneries, I need all the cash I can get.
A couple years go by, in which Svend II has me join his de jure war for Lubeck. I send no troops, merely a letter saying I'll support his just cause. Of course he doesn't he need my 209 troops to win.
My first child also arrives, a daughter.
But the best thing that happens is that two farmers come to me about a squabble involving pigs and instead of taking money, I do the just thing and become known as just. This pays off even more further down the line, when both my spymaster and my marshal find poachers and present them to me, and my just sense is able to order their hanging. As my hero H would say, those who commit crimes can not go unpunished.
My council members love me for that even-handedness.
Years pass. My chancellor isn't doing anything with Oriel so I switch him to Tyrone and keep waiting.
While we wait, some interesting things
Willie wins the initial war but is incompetent. You can bet what happens after that.
I marry a couple of courtiers to a couple hot Portuguese girls, one of whom is quite talented and will likely do some mentor work along the way.
A three way dance develops between the Duke of the Isles, the King of Scotland, and the Duke of Lothian. Lothian eventually won independence from Scotland, so Scotland's pretty fractured and reduced in power right now.
My heir finally comes of age and for a moment I'm tempted to have the hot Portuguese girl educate her, but I don't want little Deirdre turning Portuguese, so it's, of all people, my Marshal educating her.
*Finally* my chancellor comes up with a claim on Tyrone and I immediately use my cash reserves to hire the best reasonably priced mercs I can afford after declaring war. And of course...
Naturally, good King Svend II provides only moral support, just like I've done in the four or five wars we've "been in" together. I hate scare quotes, but it's too apropos here.
In the middle of the war, I have another D-named daughter, Derbail, but she's not important. I'll have HPG educate her when the time comes. OTOH, I'm officially giving second daughter a nickname. Derbail "The Gerbil" Sithrigi.
The war goes as expected, but it takes almost all my cash reserves to do it. It's okay, though, because...
Yep. Income literally DOUBLED as a result of this conquest. And that's with 5 years to go before Tyrone settles down. Can you score? I knew you could. Now we just sit back, take the chancellor out of Oriel and send him somewhere else in Ireland until I have enough to buy that hard-earned Duchy and de jure war the hell out of Oriel and the other one in the Duchy of Ulster's domain.
Unfortunately, he proves too quick to make his next claim, and since the good Earl is already in his late 50s...
It's off to war again. King Knud III, who succeeded Svend II to the throne agrees to join the war and the plan is to wait it out until he arrives or until Tyrone gets cleared.
But then the opposing Count raises 346 men and we're at a disadvantage.
Until...
The marshal gave his life and in doing so, secured us a win that ensured we wouldn't lose the war.
But then no help was forthcoming from Denmark, and Tyrone's restoration seemed a long way off, and so I again hired the mercs to finish off this war. It was touch and go financially, but we succeeded and gained a foothold in the heart of Ireland.
Really nice bonus. But I need to keep it in my back pocket for after we clear out Ulster.
Oh, I forgot to mention - I had a son born back during the Tyrone war, so my eldest daughter. Good joss, as it turns out.
I really want to make sure she has a matrilineal marriage nonetheless and one that will secure a strong alliance.
Why back to the Danish well? Because even though the Ynglngs have been no actual help, the threat of their expanding empire, fueled largely by pagan conquests, will keep larger fish honest when they're eying us up.
And also because...
18 marital score and new Marshal huzzah!
...Wait. Why does it say Brother-in-law?
...Shit. I just married my daughter to her uncle.