So long, Ireland.
The gas station hasn't changed, but CK 2 has. It's up to 1.09 now and I've neglected my game, filling those vast, empty hours with, of course, CSI: Miami and various other Netflix and Hulu+ options. It's amazing really - the early 21st century has become a golden age for American television, unlike any other we've seen. Film quality has gone way, way down, in my opinion. But I'm not somebody who matters. All I do is process retail transactions. I don't even pump the gas, or wash windows. I think New Jersey does that still, but the desert is a long way from America's armpit.
It's starting to get warm out here again, or at least warm by my Mid-Southern roots. There have been a few times I've looked at my battered, ancient tennis racket that I, for some reason, still keep resting on the wall in my bedroom. Maybe I should go back out there, hit the court again like I did when I was young. Back before the fat, the sloth, the depression consumed me whole and dropped me out of the real world.
But why do that when I have a computer game to play?
Okay, so no go backing to Ireland. That's old hat. The breath of out of season spring makes me want to try something a little more outside my comfort zone.
Like, say, the Byzantine Empire?
Much as I despise the lack of my own love life, I love finding women to marry.
...Wow. You can't marry the daughter of a Doge without taking massive prestige hit? Oh well, I suppose it's like I found out in the paper I did on Mexican aristocracy as an undergraduate - the pursuit of money is an undignified thing.
Let's find something more palatable, shall we?
Much better, although it's gonna be a few years before this comes to fruition. At least I have an heir already, so no worries.
My vassals think I'm cool and all, but I toss them each an honorary to make them like me even more.
Next thing that happens:
Yeah, I'm totally going to take that Martial increase, especially since I, you know, want to be Marshal for my liege.
Speaking of war and fighting, we start off fighting the Seljuk Turks. Not that I care because they're all the way across the other side of the Empire.
....Looking pretty scary there.
...Or, you know, not. That battle singlehandedly turns the tide in favor of the Purple. Yay!
Meanwhile I get married to the Duke of Apuila's daughter and my Chancellor gets me in a claim on Zeta. Double yay!
...But what's this?
You are unable to call Duke Robert to war. ...What.the.HELL?! ROBERT, Y U NO COME TO WAR?!
Fortunately, an odd twist of fate occurs.
The Venetians also go to war with the Duke who is liege of the Count of Zeta over some port city and because they chased down the enemy army instead of sieging, I get there first and win siege rights to ZZeta. Booyah!
My diabolical plan to split the army and send a vassal off to claim siege rights on Dubrovnik, the ducal capital, almost works.
But then that piddly 39 man army you see there beats my tiny vassal army. Happily, the Venetians were awfully slow in getting in gear, so my main county army was able to sneak in there first, even after the vassal army got routed, which becomes this:
Hooray for the Venetians, whose Doge was almost my father-in-law!
Oh, another cool thing that happened during the campaign...
Of course, this Ultimate Bad Ass becomes my new Marshal and I quick marry him to the girl with the highest Marital skill I can find.
Ahh... that lovely, lovely shade of purple.
And Venice's war for some city?
...Somehow went to the Emperor. ...Yeah. Don't get that at all. NOT COMPLAINING, THO!
My newly inherited vassals hate me. Watch me not care. That's my chancellor in Hum, by the way, hoping to score me another sweet, sweet claim, so I can cheerfully break the truce and go to war again with mercs by my side.
I might also move my capital to Zeta for closeness, but we'll see.
For now, victory smoke, and then back in.
This is the best I've felt in years. I now have the urge to go... ALL THE WAY WEST TO ROME!