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February 23, 2017
I really debated putting this in the thread...but figured if I didn't this ends up simply being a log of my visits to the doctors...
A few weeks ago one of the girls on the swim team announced at practice that her father only had a few days left to live. He was dying of cancer that had spread throughout his body (as a quick side note, he was able to recover enough to go home for now). This really hit the kids hard. You see I've been doing so well that I'm sure it's pretty easy for the kids to go about the day as if there is no problem. I'm not getting sick all the time, I'm not losing weight or my hair, and all I really need to do is take a couple of pills. They know I have cancer, we don't avoid the topic or try to hide anything, but the impact is minimal especially to them right now. This announcement sort of woke them up a bit.
Fast forward to last night. For the first time, one of the kids actually admitted that it was really bothering them. Brett, who's really struggled with pretty much everything this year, after arguing with us for a long time got to talking with the wife and during the discussion he talked about how he was depressed, how he wasn't motivated to do school work, and how he was afraid to lose his dad. He mentioned it over and over periodically throughout the conversation, even saying to Cathy, "I know he's your husband, but he's my dad, do you know what it is like to think about losing your dad."
This brings tears to my eyes just writing this, as it is the worst part of the entire diagnosis. As I said when I was first informed that I had cancer, "I want to be here for my kids..."
Obviously, this is just the first of what will probably be many more gut wrenching moments. I just pray they are stretched out over a very long period of time...
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