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Originally Posted by CraigSca
Five and a half years ago my wife and I had our first child - a boy. As any new parent can understand, we were popping wheelies we were so excited. Other than a slight bout with bilirubin issues our child was healthy, happy, etc.
Flash forward a few months. Having an infant is hard. You know you see the happy parents on TV, friends, family, etc. But, to be honest, that lack of sleep and the 24/7 duty of having an infant is time-consuming and tiring as you-know-what. At this point, our son is still not sleeping through the night and it's starting to take it's toll. Sleep would come around 11pm (after countless minutes rocking in our arms and in his car seat) but a couple hours later he would wake up ravenous. Rinse, lather, repeat throughout the night. This lasted until about the age of 9 months. Meanwhile, during the day, our son quickly grew tired of any activity (bouncy chair, lying on his stomach, being played with, etc.) and would begin moaning about a minute after the activity started. This moaning would also occur during the night during his "wake-ups". He also never really took an active interest in being held by his parents...after about 30 seconds he would begin to moan and push away. This was his infanthood.
Flash forward to now. At this point, he sleeps through the night (ha) but is a walking raw wound. Anything...in the SLIGHTEST, will set him off. Complete, unfettered temper tantrum. He will literally scream through clenched teeth in anger as if he is about to explode (just happened a few minutes ago) and try to retaliate against the slight by hitting (sometimes biting and/or spitting). For example, reminding him to flush the toilet. Here's the typical conversation:
"****, can you please flush the toilet? I think you forgot."
"I did flush."
"****, I know you didn't. Can you just do it for me?"
"I hate flushing the toilet."
Yeah, it stinks. Can you flush the toilet for me anyway? You have to after going to the bathroom."
"I already did."
"****, just humor me and do it again?"
Temper tantrum ensues. Mind you - this is 6am - he just got up and I'm trying to keep him quiet so he doesn't wake up his mother.
"I don't want to! I hate it! GRRRRR!"
At this point I am so angered by the situation. Just flush the G.D. toilet - you're 10 feet away from it and I'm downstairs in the other room. But, this is typical behavior throughout the day.
Three years ago my wife and I had a daughter. Only after having her do we see what parenting is "supposed" to be like. It's not arguments 24/7, it's not being yelled and screamed at, it's not constant lying. Only by having her do we see a sweet little child that cares about her family, friends, herself. Our son could not care less about anything except his current "need" whatever he deems that to be.
So...where am I going here? Over the past few years we had our son in for counseling because things are just not right. It's obvious.
Example #1: Visiting his out-of-state cousins. The excitement is obviously too much for him and he can't calm himself down. During a "game" with his male cousin, he bites his arm and spits on him. This was a month ago.
Example #2: Visiting other cousins, slightly older than he is. Seeing the older group of boys he wants to participate but doesn't know how. While they are playing basketball, he runs up to any one of them and begins to "play fight" and tackle them. Every game the kid plays has fighting and death in it - very rarely are the games innocuous. His cousins, of course, look at him like he's nuts.
Example #3: We've had a cat since day 1. However, he's now taking to picking up the cat, locking him in places and putting things over his head (our concern is the cat will suffocate). Our cat is pretty laid back so he doesn't really scratch or claw - he just takes it. Our concern is that this will escalate into hurting animals.
Bottom line: The child doesn't care about anything, anyone but himself. His sister could fall down the staircase screaming bloody murder and his concern is that he can't hear the TV. Only by having our daughter do we see that this complete lack of compassion isn't normal.
Now, I know a lot of you will say that this child just needs some discipline. I would agree if I were you. But, I've been there and done that. We set rules and try our best to have our children abide by them. However, this behavior is outside the lines. If (or more likely when) he decides to disobey he gets something of his taken away (and, of course, screams bloody murder - but he's not getting it back). The problem is, he still just doesn't understand - he looks at you like you're the meanest thing in the world and repeats the behavior again.
As far as disciplinary action let me give you an example: During the 2 to 3 year old stage, he would not go to bed. You develop the routine, read stories, brush teeth, yada yada, turn out the light, put him to bed. Within a minute he's up. "****, go back to bed." He doesn't. You go up there and PHYSICALLY have to put him back to bed. Finally after the fifth or sixth time (and after multiple threats - NO "something he wants" tomorrow") you finally lose it out of frustration and tell him he'll be smacked on the rear-end if he gets out of bed. Of course, he gets out of bed, and gets smacked. Problem is, he's now freaking out and this whole damn thing has escalated where he's telling you "you're mean, I hate you!", etc., etc. Of course, now he's further from falling asleep than ever. Meanwhile, my daughter went to bed at the same time and is already asleep.
Because of work I have to go on business trips every week. The majority of the time I come home and my wife is at her wit's end and near crying. This is my life.
I love my son, and I love my family. I just don't know what to do. My concern is that this will only get worse as he gets older. Again, more FOFC therapy - just thought I'd vent.
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