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Old 04-18-2003, 06:32 PM   #15
Kodos
Resident Alien
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Exclamation

The Great Roster Bloodbath of 2002

Well, now that we are definitely going to Texas (and don't have to try and present the image of a competitive team in order to lure a city into taking us), we are free to get down to the business of tearing down the Giants and rebuilding the team from scratch. To accomplish this, we first cut all of the nobodies. Then, in a move sure to cost Jerry Jones some sleep, we traded all of our best players to Washington and Philly, in an effort to help them help us crush Dallas' spirit and fanbase.

After extensive research, we determined which players on each team were the most overpaid, and then traded our best guys in exchange for them. The players acquired in these trades were then cut from the Giants, who absorbed all of the accelerated bonuses for the players who got cut.

Gifts to Washington:

To Washington, we dealt Jessie Armstead (LB), Ron Dayne (RB), Luke Petitgout (G), C.J. Matheny (WR), and Jeremy Lee, a promising young CB.

Gifts to Philadephia:

To Philly, we dealt Jason Sehorn (CB), Tiki Barber (RB), Ike Hilliard (WR), Sean Bennett (RB), and Keith Hamilton (DT).

Gifts to Miami:

Due to a personal fondness of Miami, we dealt to them Michael Strahan (DL) and Amani Toomer (WR). Call me a sentimentalist, I guess!

Now, some of you are probably wondering about the wiseness of trading your best players to division rivals, but I guess you could say we are thinking a bit "outside of the box." Bill and I figured that by the time Bill Gates Stadium 1.0 is complete and we are ready move to Texas, these guys will, for the most part, be retired from the league, or washed-up has-beens. Since we aren't worried about our record until we get to Waco, why not let our best guys (who we can't keep anyway) go to our division mates, so that they can beat down the evil that is Dallas. Also, this method ensures that Dallas won't get an opportunity to sign these talented players.

It's called evil genuis, folks, and we got it in spades!
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