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Solecismic · 05-04-2011, 10:49 PM

It was the Sixties versus the ultra-modern era on American Idol tonight, and the Sixties won so thoroughly that the NHL playoff quarterfinals appear evenly matched by comparison.

So while the Washington Ovechkins lick their wounds from a quarterfinal sweep, and the Philadelphia Flyers and Detroit Red Wings will try desperately to avoid the sweep on Friday, I'll try and grade the idols in a week where they all had and had not.

1. Haley Reinhart. I have a great idea. I'm going to arrange to have one of my contestants perform an unreleased single from the hottest pop singer in America. Something that's certain to generate buzz. And then, after she does a credible job on a fairly difficult performance piece, I'm going to have the judges trash her for singing a song nobody knows. Why? I have no idea. It's not like little Haley could call up Lady Gaga on her cell and say, "hey, Steffie, I had this fantastic thought last night, what do you think?" This had to be arranged weeks ago. So you can forgive Haley for standing there after the judges ripped her for song choice with this "whatever, dudes, it's your idiotic show" look on her face. Anyway, she knocked House of the Rising Sun out of the park as she retreated to the Sixties - best performance by anyone this season. 80 and 95.

2. Lauren Alaina. Her Carrie Underwood modern piece was kind of blah, but I thought her rendition of Unchained Melody showed off subtlety in her voice I really didn't think she had. Her best of the season, too. 72 and 84.

3. James Durbin. I have no idea what the opener was, other than a vanilla version of what he's been doing all season. It had maybe, and I'm being generous here, three different notes to sing. He improved, but over-emoted and missed too many notes, when he sung Without You from the Sixties. I guess they want to pretend that James will challenge Scotty in the final, so they pumped it up like it was beauty personified. Jacob nodded his head and said, "oh, ****, that's what overly corny sounds like." But it was a good song for him, could have been so much better. 68 and 81.

4. Scotty McCreery. First he twanged it up with a Montgomery Gentry twanger that passes for a fast-paced song in the country world. It sucked the life out of him. Then he improved with You Were Always on My Mind, which might well have been his best of the season. 69 and 79.

5. Jacob Lusk. There was something about a duet with Jordin Sparks and Jacob, only Jordin didn't show up so he sung her part as well. It was awfully boring and it's a testament to Jennifer Lopez's complete and total tone deafness that she gave Randy a hard time for finally telling Jacob just how bad he can be. Jacob then went to the Sixties with Love Hurts, and it hurt my ears. I wouldn't call that love, though. It wasn't terrible, but we've reached a point where Jacob doesn't belong on the stage with the other four. 59 and 67.

Expected Bottom Two: Haley and Jacob.

Who Should Go: Jacob. Anybody but Haley.

Who Will Go: I'm really worried this is it for Haley, but I'll hold out some hope the voters get it right this week.

05-04-2011, 10:49 PM	#433
Solecismic Solecismic Software Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Canton, OH	It was the Sixties versus the ultra-modern era on American Idol tonight, and the Sixties won so thoroughly that the NHL playoff quarterfinals appear evenly matched by comparison. So while the Washington Ovechkins lick their wounds from a quarterfinal sweep, and the Philadelphia Flyers and Detroit Red Wings will try desperately to avoid the sweep on Friday, I'll try and grade the idols in a week where they all had and had not. 1. Haley Reinhart. I have a great idea. I'm going to arrange to have one of my contestants perform an unreleased single from the hottest pop singer in America. Something that's certain to generate buzz. And then, after she does a credible job on a fairly difficult performance piece, I'm going to have the judges trash her for singing a song nobody knows. Why? I have no idea. It's not like little Haley could call up Lady Gaga on her cell and say, "hey, Steffie, I had this fantastic thought last night, what do you think?" This had to be arranged weeks ago. So you can forgive Haley for standing there after the judges ripped her for song choice with this "whatever, dudes, it's your idiotic show" look on her face. Anyway, she knocked House of the Rising Sun out of the park as she retreated to the Sixties - best performance by anyone this season. 80 and 95. 2. Lauren Alaina. Her Carrie Underwood modern piece was kind of blah, but I thought her rendition of Unchained Melody showed off subtlety in her voice I really didn't think she had. Her best of the season, too. 72 and 84. 3. James Durbin. I have no idea what the opener was, other than a vanilla version of what he's been doing all season. It had maybe, and I'm being generous here, three different notes to sing. He improved, but over-emoted and missed too many notes, when he sung Without You from the Sixties. I guess they want to pretend that James will challenge Scotty in the final, so they pumped it up like it was beauty personified. Jacob nodded his head and said, "oh, ****, that's what overly corny sounds like." But it was a good song for him, could have been so much better. 68 and 81. 4. Scotty McCreery. First he twanged it up with a Montgomery Gentry twanger that passes for a fast-paced song in the country world. It sucked the life out of him. Then he improved with You Were Always on My Mind, which might well have been his best of the season. 69 and 79. 5. Jacob Lusk. There was something about a duet with Jordin Sparks and Jacob, only Jordin didn't show up so he sung her part as well. It was awfully boring and it's a testament to Jennifer Lopez's complete and total tone deafness that she gave Randy a hard time for finally telling Jacob just how bad he can be. Jacob then went to the Sixties with Love Hurts, and it hurt my ears. I wouldn't call that love, though. It wasn't terrible, but we've reached a point where Jacob doesn't belong on the stage with the other four. 59 and 67. Expected Bottom Two: Haley and Jacob. Who Should Go: Jacob. Anybody but Haley. Who Will Go: I'm really worried this is it for Haley, but I'll hold out some hope the voters get it right this week.