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Echoing some of Barkeep's thoughts, your son's behavior definitely does not sound normal to me. Although every child in the world will exhibit similar behavior as your son on occasion, both the frequency and the strength of your son's behavior seem to me to point at something being off.
As an aside, I see similar confusion a lot with ADD and ADHD cases in schools. If you read the behavioral symptoms for ADD/ADHD, almost everyone exhibits them. It is often the severity and frequency of the behavior that dictate a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD.
I'd also argue that the contrasting "good" behavior you see from your daughter supports the "something is wrong with our son" viewpoint. Although one could argue that you are different parents to your son and daughter, it seems unlikely to me that you parenting has been so different to your two children as to cause such stark differences in your children's behavior.
Not quite sure to what degree children with Asperger's and mild autism are handled/treated the same way, but if they are similar and if your son does have Asperger's disorder...
Raising and working with children with autism seems to me to be a "many small steps can get us to where we want to be" kind of journey. Things are extremely hard for you right now and the journey ahead will likely have incredible setbacks. However, with effective behavioral interventions, tremendous effort, and a consistently positive approach, I think you will be able to get to a point a few years down the road where things are much much better than they are right now. I have seen amazing things done with autistic kids, and if I'm not mistaken, the outlook for kids with Asperger's is generally much more optimistic.
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