[mrsimperless]

F1 Announces Replacement Field for Monaco Race
In another surprise move Bernie Ecclestein held a press conference today announcing that the entire field for the Monaco Grand Prix has been replaced and that the race will go on as originally scheduled.

"A bunch of pussies!" lamented Ecclestein. "The drivers we had in F1 were a bunch of wine sipping, metrosexual, athlete wannabe pussies! If they're too scared to race on round tires, fine by me! Let them split off and form their own square-tired circuit. But the race will go on!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to announce to you today that we have a NEW field of drivers starting with this week's event right here in Monaco! We have scoured the earth non-stop for the last 8 minutes searching for the best of the best, the whitty, the ingenious, the cocky, the funny, the brave. I am now thrilled to present to you.... the drivers of FOFC!

Team "Nerdy but hiding behind sports to look cool" (blue)
Solecismic blue body - white tail
Marc Vaughn blue body - red tail
World renowned sports text sim writers Jim Gindin and Marc Vaughn team up to form this amazing brain trust. Sure, they're computer nerds. But they write sports text sims! So they're cool! What was that? What's a sports text sim? Well, you take a popular sport based upon your geographic locale and write a computer program that simulates players and matches using complex algorithms that realistically... what's that? Graphics? No, there's no graphics, but the immersion factor and replayability are.. what? No, you don't use a control pad! You just point and click mostly and occasionally enter some input through they keyboard. Look, you're missing the point here. The games aren't about juke moves or turbo speed they're about an accurate simulation and building a program from the ground up. *sigh*... Nevermind, just go back and play more NCAA06.... And let me know how those SLIDERS work out for ya!

Team "Old Balls" (white)
Buccaneer white body - green tail
WSUCougar white body - yellow tail
The four jewels sported by this team have seen more years than anyone knows, or can even count to.
Reporter: "Buccanner, is it true that you and Cougs have teamed up to form an F1 racing team?"
Bucc: "Yes, that's correct."
Reporter: "But have you considered... I mean..."
Bucc: ???
Reporter: "What I'm trying to say is... your balls! I mean, they're just so OLD!"
Bucc: "I say sir! That comment is uncalled for and I will not sit here and..."
Reporter: "You've got old, OLD balls! Look!! For the love of God, look at them!! You're got hairy, old man balls!! How can you live like that?? LOOK AT THEM!!!"

Team "Pimp" (green)
HornsManiac green body - blue tail
Johnny93g green body - yellow tail
Lock up your wives, mothers and daughters! The one-two punch of this libidic duo can reel the women in with tried and true internet chat room techiniques, and then hold onto them forever with creepy stalking and flowers, flowers, flowers!

Team "Werewolf" (red)
Peregrine red body - white tail
KWhit red body - green tail
The blood will definitely be flowing this team's color when these guys come to town! Werewolf master Peregrine and his protege KWhit look to try and "claw" their way to the front of the pack. Is that a man behind the wheel of that round-wheeled racing machine, or beast?
Wait, is there something wrong with his car or did he just LET me pass him? Or did he expect me to THINK that he let me pass him by knowing that I would think that he wouldn't be thinking the unexpected? But wait, I KNEW that he passed KWhit, so he HAD to be just pretending to have engine problems when I passed him. Unless of course KWhit was part of the plot, in which case this whole line of reasoning is worthless. Is there any point to all of this?

Team "Femme Fatale" (yellow)
Farrah Whitworth-Rahn yellow body - red tail
mrskippy yellow body - blue tail
With the success and media blitz of Danika Patrick in the Indy Racing League, F1 has announced not just one, but an entire racing TEAM of female drivers! These girls can negotiate hairpin turns at dizzying speeds and STILL get their lipstick put on straight!


Next Up: Qualifications