[Subby]

DAY 2
FAILURE

There are few items more emblematic of modern man's failures than the cupcake. To call something a cupcake is to point out its weakness or shortcomings. No one ever looked at Chuck Norris and said, "GOOD LORD THAT DUDE IS A FUCKING CUPCAKE!"

No. What they do is look at the middle-aged dad caught in a carbohydrate death spiral and think to themselves, "well, I might be losing the game of life, but at least I beating THAT cupcake."

So I was doing great yesterday until they ordered in gourmet cupcakes for a meeting we were having our office. Now as we all know, there is a huge difference here. Normal, grocery store cupcakes - the kind that come in the plastic clamshell - are just whatever. Cupcakes from a bakery or better yet...a cupcake PLACE...that's special. You know they're probably laced with crack (the good kind, not that low grade shit people make in their bathtub).

Of course I have a funny relationship with cupcakes. I could probably eat six without blinking (sure, I would drop into a 2 hour mini-coma, but I would definitely come out the other side). What I end up doing to combat that is to just eat the cupcake tops, which is mostly frosting. Basically akin to Costanza's pudding skin singles. Or muffin tops. So, even though the leftover cupcakes were IN MY WORK KITCHEN, I had two tops. Because they were SPECIAL. I mean, I couldn't even stop at one. Although, hey...kudos to me for stopping at 2?

Scale this morning said 208.6 lbs. Just 43.6 el bees overweight! Basically me and a dead six year-old, living the dream.

Still...

1. No soda. CHECK
2. No Starbucks. CHECK
3. No Convenience Stores. CHECK
4. No ice cream. (unless out with family, then only small) CHECK
5. No eating after 8pm. CHECK! This is one of the worst and somehow I crushed it - and I actually slept better. Go figure.
6. No staying up late. (10p week/11p weekend) CHECK
7. No cookies. CHECK (Just cupcakes, which is worse. DICK.)
8. No buying breakfast. CHECK.
9. No candy bars. CHECK.
10. No gorging pizza (2 pieces max) CHECK.
11. No food from work kitchen. MASSIVE FAIL.
12. No sleeping in (out of bed at 6am). CHECK. Up at 557am...just barely!
13. No skipping exercise (30 min per day cardio min.) CHECK!
14. No sports drinks (unless after exercise) CHECK
15. No more caffeine abuse (2 drinks per day max) FAIL.. I made dinner last night and it was "breakfast dinner" - eggs, bacon, cantaloupe, rolls. And I am such a creature of habit that I MUST HAVE COFFEE WITH BREAKFAST.
16. No eating in the car. CHECK.
17. No neglecting oral hygiene. FAIL. I flossed/brushed/rinsed...but just once. GROSS.
18. No burgers AND fries. CHECK.
19. No computer addiction (30 minutes of computer at home, 1 hour on weekend). CHECK.
20. No television addiction (3 hours per night, 15 per week). CHECK. It helps when the Nats are getting crushed.
21. No seconds. FAIL. I took an extra roll after my dinner was finished. Not a huge deal, but STILL AGAINST THE RULES.
22. No restaurant desserts. CHECK.
23. No donuts. CHECK.
24. No popcorn. CHECK. Why is this a rule again?
25. No buying lunch unless its a salad. CHECK.

I am getting below 200 by the end of this month, I don't care if it kills me.