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Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 5
First quarter report cards are in boys and girls and boy do I have news for us. Mind you, this is the first quarter report, so let’s not get too excited, but we have 67 students whose low grade is a D+ or worse! That’s right! 67! Boy, are these kids’ parents gonna be pissed! Of these 67, only 7 are E’s, so we still have some work to do, but wow. This could really clean out some of the talent in the upper ranks! Maybe too much, I wonder. Will they fire me for academically disqualifying over half the roster? In the real NCAA probably yes? What about in the Good God Gindin’s NCAA? We shall see, but I am touched by tremors of nervousness now. Could this lead to the dreaded axe? I hope that I have time to kick in the “improve academics, deprove football” strategy, but it can’t be this year. But enough of the negative thoughts, let’s talk about a true success story for a moment…
Any of you out there remember Brock Gray from last year? He was our 2001 Notre Dame Rudy Scholarship winner as the dumbest student in America with no football ability? Well, he got a report card too, just like everyone else. Now, the goal here with this little side story is to see if we could take Brock and get him to make it through four years of college despite his 0 intelligence and 0 aspiration, so this report card represents the first step in this journey, but I am pleased to tell you that he has 2 C-‘s, 2 B’s, and a B+! Not bad there, eh? We do have a tutor working with him, but still, pretty damn good if I say so myself. Way to go Brock! Here’s an hour with Candy as a little reward!
Recruiting
The race for the 2002 Rudy Scholarship continues and let’s check in with our contestants. Let’s see…WR Cooley…“considering”…OT Finch…“considering”…safety Chapman…“considering”. Well, there you have it. These wizards’ wheels are churning as they decide what to do. Anyone feel like you are watching a turtle race? I sure do. Come on, guys, it’s not that hard! You have one scholarship offer, you suck at football, and no one else has even prank called you from another college for the first month of your senior season. You can do it! Think, what should you do! Hint: make a visit!
Let’s see if that works.
Elsewhere, we’re pretty much set, as we have established the Notre Dame system of recruiting after last year’s rookie season and are just tweaking it to bring in better academic students. We have our candidates on the line, and just bug them with visits and phone calls. Ten visits are forthcoming as the sheep trickle towards the slaughterhouse.
Game
Pregame
18-point favorites on the road at Utah State, a game broadcast on TV5. We could use a loss but I have little hope here considering our last two victories. We’re pretty healthy too. I was hoping for more injury disasters but not to be had yet.
The Result
Ugly. Utah State is lame with a capital L. Notre Dame 37, Utah State 3. I think the only time Utah State got into our half of the field was after one of Goodwin’s interceptions. Who, by the way, except for a tendency to chuck an occasional pickoff, had an unbelievable day again: 26 for 40, 409 yards, 2 TD’s, 2 int’s. We have created a monster. Frankenstein is loose in our backfield.
Stop beeping at me, stupid paper clip.
Record 4-1. Rank 16. Oh no. We are going the wrong way.
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