Thanks all, all very good advice.
Growing up, I can remember seeing other kid's behavior and wondering "how the heck can their parents let them get away with that?" Well, one thing we have learned is that all kids are vastly different. In the whole "nature vs. nurture" argument, I believe the child is born with who he is. The parents can then gently guide this being to where they want him/her to be, but a great majority of the child's personality is there from day one.
As far as behavior modification, we've tried a great many strategies. Full contact hugging when he's freaking out (including the "I love you"s when he says he hates us), ignoring the tantrums, counting to 3, time outs, etc. Recently we've come up with a token system. If he does something good (not fighting with sister, helping Mom and Dad, etc.) he receives a token. Eventually, he can trade in these tokens for something nice (a new pair of shoes, a game). He's currently working on getting a new Leap Pad (as he broke his other one). Another strategy we're using is giving him his own "alone" place as well as a grab bag of activities for him to pick (they're written on a piece of paper) when he's in the early stages of "losing it". Some of the activities work (for some reason, he loved running around the house 5 times - I can imagine what the neighbors think
) others do not (take 10 deep breaths). The one's that work make him forget what he was so angry about and stay in the bag. The one's that don't are removed. I just wish he could start to develop some strategies on his own to dispell his anger.
Every strategy pretty much works to a certain degree, but it's a fulltime job trying to keep a semblance of peace in the house and it's very easy to feel defeated and discouraged. But, you get up the next day and start again. Hey, sometimes there are even good days
.
Noop - I agree from your point of view that your advice seems tried and true. One thing I can tell you from actually BEING a parent - sometimes things aren't as simple as they seem. The child is just different, and beating the heck out of him to show him who's boss from day one would have just alienated him more so than he is.