[CraigSca]

Another update...

After working with the neurologist (who immediately put him on "metadate") for a couple months, we stopped going. Metadate did nothing for him - we found no reaction whatsoever, and we also found it mildly distasteful that it took about 10 mins of NO interaction with our child before we received a prescription and a light pat on the butt to move along.

Since then..we've dealt with things the best we know how. We have a number of neighbors who see my son as either high-strung, or just an obnoxious brat (I would think the same exact thing). It's SO damn easy (and I continue to struggle with this myself) with the mentality that all he needs is a good beating (or something to that effect).

We are now taking him to a new therapist. Without any word of any previous diagnoses (we only told her about the hospital's Conduct Disorder) she said Asperger's on the second visit and only needs it to be endorsed by the staff psychiatrist. I'm really not sure where that leaves us, however.

Basically, Asperger's is a highly-functional form of autism. But...what it really does is give the child a lack of empathy and personal space of others as well as a need for things to be "just right" in the child's eyes (i.e. little or no compromise). So...he/she fulfills her own needs and could give a damn about the rest of the world. For lack of a better term, your child comes across as an undisciplined, obnoxious jerk. Later, I can imagine these people are just thought of as ...I won't even say it.

How does one, who takes such great care in making sure their kids are happy, well-adjusted, good people deal with a child who just does not have the "software" to be that way?

Here's an example - we recently got the kids a swingset. My daugher is on the swing, having a good time. My son is along the top of the swings, on the monkey bars, enjoying pulling one chain of the swing out of my daughter's reach so she can't get on. I tell him to stop doing it once. Second time, I tell him if he does it again I will bring him inside. Third time, I see him doing it (all within a 2 min period) and tell him to march inside - he tells me, "I didn't do it" and then "you can't reach me up here." This, coming from a 6 year old of all things. I tell him, "don't even try me - get your butt in here." I then put him in timeout and he stops doing the behavior. But...to tell me, "you can't reach me up here"?! - wtf?! I can't ever imagine telling my Dad that.

As another example (this one of his anger) - it's time for dinner. My wife tells both our kids to wash their hands. My daughter happily runs into the bathroom and does so. My son is too busy talking and ignores the reminder. Finally, dinner is served and my wife reminds him again - he literally moans and growls in anger that it's her fault he didn't wash his hands because she didn't remind him enough.

Third example - again from today - while playing with the cat (bouncing a string in his face) the cat decides he's in no mood. Early in the day it was fine, but I guess the cat had had enough. So...my son continues to chase the cat around the house flicking the string in his face. finally, my wife and I tell him, "it looks like the cat doesn't want to play right now - maybe you should read a book, etc.,etc." He reacts in anger saying, "I hate that cat. He's stupid"...and then continues to try to get the cat to play (and therefore continues to get more frustrated). After about 10 minutes, my wife sets him up with something else and he finally relents.

As you can see from the above example - he just has no empathy for anything/anyone - and he just can't let things go - they get bigger and bigger until he's furious.'

I am praying that this therapist gives me/us some strategies. On a personal level, I'm not sure I can deal with the approach we've heard so far: basically accept it, but try to divert the behavior. How many times do I have to be in social situations embarass the heck out of all of us? I know that's a reflection on me (and a pathetic one), but I can't pretend to be Jesus himself and smile and move on. I love my son - I would do anything for him - I just don't want him to grow up to be hated.

Thanks for listening.