[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by ibnsgirl

I hate this computer. I’ve spent nearly an hour restarting this thing every time it freezes.

Anyway, wow…. I’ve got a couple of comments to make and a way-too-long vent session, so bear with me.

Quikshot: I cannot imagine what you are going through. If something were to happen that I had to be away from my daughter, I don’t know what I’d do. To say the least, I would be lost. You sound like you are trying to do what is right by your daughter. Hang in there. (sorry, tears welling up.)

Pilotman: For what it is worth, I was homeschooled, so if there is any way I can help, let me know. Also, I understand some about the flight industry (my dad was a test pilot). It isn’t always the easiest community in which to work.

In my first post, I just wanted to introduce myself. After reading what some of y’all have written, my issues seem like nothing. They still worry me, though:

I guess the number one thing that has been on my mind is the grandparents. Lucy has three grandparents: Tony’s parents and my mom. This is the first grandchild and great-grandchild on both sides. We live about 2.5 hours from where they do, which is either too close or too far. It’s too close in that we are expected to drive up to see them. It is too far in that to go means spending at least one night.

There was always a lot of stress when I was growing up, but all that changed a couple of years ago when my dad was killed, and Tony and I got married. As the two events were not that far apart, my mom’s home life really changed (I was an only child, so she’s on her own for the first time in 30 years). As a result, she went from being controlling to not wanting to interfere with the way we are raising Lucy at all. It seems like she is walking on eggshells all of the time. As she sees it, we have our family, we need our privacy, etc. Which is not necessarily bad, but…

Tony’s parents *really* wanted grandchildren. I can’t stress this enough. So much so that it seems as if they see Lucy as theirs and not ours. That may seem awfully harsh, but it is the way it comes across to me. I admit that I am a sensitive person, but man, having a baby obviously really changed me. I went from mostly easy-going to uber-protective. It is these little comments that get me. First, I was not feeding Lucy enough (our pediatrician was thrilled with her progress). Then, Lucy was being held by Tony and I too much (as opposed to other people [them]). We weren’t bringing her up to see them enough. Lucy is never going to learn their language. (Tony’s background and mine are pretty different. His mom is from a different country, and at home, his family often speaks that language. I am really not good at speaking it, so I don’t. We have always known that Tony would teach her.) You get the drift. Meanwhile, my mom doesn’t even want to hold Lucy if that is going to bother us or Lucy (as she is easily overstimulated and pretty high-strung, and even someone else holding her can be too much for her to handle).

All of this seems like such little stuff, but when this happens every time we are up there - ugh. Last time, she was having a very difficult time sleeping, so she would start crying when she got tired. Lucy was then labeled “touchy” and given to her grandma to be settled down. I guess I’m just around to feed her and change her. I’m just her mom and I obviously don't know what I'm doing or she'd be quiet. I end up a nervous wreck when we go to their house and looking for the earliest opportunity to ease out of the room. These are Tony’s parents, for goodness sake!

Tony knows all of this, and we’ve spoken on it and are in agreement that we know what is best for Lucy and we will do the best we can. As I said, it might just be that I have gone way too sensitive as I am having such a hard time letting things slide.

Is the grandparent thing ever going to get easier? Does it help when the “new” wears off or with subsequent kids? Do I just move to a different state? I know I can’t be alone here.

This got way too long, but I feel somewhat better getting this out. Thanks guys!

I like quoting the entire thing and then responding in small responses....

Honestly,

This is the way it was and has been with my wifes family. They feel they should be able to tell us how to raise the kids, and they stepped back when I told them, these are our children, Dennis and Emilie's not yours, you can voice your opinion once, we will note it, and then we will move on. Thats the best advice I can give you, and it is hard, especially when emotions are involved. Our baby boy (Born a month and a half after yours) has been a blessing, both families have left us to deal with it as seen fit and not tossed their hands into it.

Our problem person in the family now has moved beyond the Grandparents to the Aunt...My wifes sister lives an alternate lifestyle but wants kids, she has basically assumed that my daughter (First grandchild born on both sides) is hers, and she treats her like hers. We just recently found out that she has introduced our daughter as hers to people when they have been out together. This caused me to hit the roof, pick up the phone, and prepare a major chewing session, my wife calmed me down and told me no. She handled it on her own. I do not know what was said, but I received an apology from the sister.