[Ksyrup]

Not really, but when I was in the process of getting where I wanted to be, yeah, I was not satisfied with how I looked and didn't think of much else but continuing to lose the weight. Now, my main "worry" is trying to stay within an acceptable range and not allowing myself to slowly gain it all back like has happened several times in the past. But at this point, aside from toning up, I'm not looking at myself in the mirror and worrying that I still look "too fat" (like an anorexic might, I guess). I've just changed my workout routine to incorporate more weights than cardio to help tighten up.

On that note, I had a terrible week while the family was gone last week. I was a complete failure to myself - went back to old habits without having anyone around to rein me in, etc. I'm beating myself up over it, because I can see that the mindset, habits, and compulsions I had successfully controlled since last September are, and will probably always be, lurking and ready to pounce at the first sign of weakness. I restarted a strict diet/exercise regimen on Monday and have already lost 3 pounds of it back, but the reality is that this will always be with me (I fear), so I'm going to have to constantly stay on top of it to keep it under control.

I think this is the part my wife simply doesn't understand - she's lost 25 pounds (all gained since she had 2 kids), anf is easily incorporating back into her diet things like cookies and such without much of a problem. When I insist that I have to be all or nothing, she thinks I'm overreacting. But last week proved it to me more than ever. I guess I knew it, but that was a serious wakeup call. I can see the balancing of good diet and occasional treat is going to be a lifelong battle. And it sucks!