[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Dr. Sak

Take the information I provide below FWIW...one guy's perspective on being in the "Friend Zone" for a better part of a decade before I got married.

You seem like a honest, nice guy. We all have our moments when we can be a dick, but for the most part you genuniely care about the well being of your female friends. They find that out time and time again when you listen to them complain about their problems...whether it be work...a current/ex bf...husband or whatever. You are that sounding board telling them what they want to hear and she probably tells you that she wishes she could find a guy as "nice" as you.

You then tell her that you have feelings for her and she tells you something to the effect of: I just see you as a friend, I didn't mean for you to get those signals, I just got out of a relationship and I am not ready or just want you to be a friends. She will even blame herself for sending "mixed signals" but keep an eye out, I bet those signals still continue.

She keeps you close because you continue to feed her with the self confidence boost of jumping when she says jump full knowing that if a guy she is attracted to comes along, she will date him and you will be stuck hearing about their relationship. If it goes bad or sour the process repeats....all the meanwhile you are stuck with a glimmer of hope each time that THIS TIME she will see you in that way.

I lived that way for 8 years...and it wasn't until the 8th year did I start being selfish. I started standing up for myself and telling the women that just wanted to be friends (after asking them out) that I understand and respect their decision but I cannot be their friend at this time. I can't put myself through the emotional roller coaster and I cut it off with them. Was it rough at the time? Heck ya? But what I found out was that I was aware of more opportunties which I would have been blinding by before because of holding onto that hope.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what worked for me. It was a combination of what I mentioned above and the fact that I FINALLY realized that I was a good catch. I didn't need to follow these women around like a lost puppy hoping they would finally give me a shot.

I had numerous friends tell me what I am telling you time and time again, but it wasn't until I met my wife and did some looking back did I see it all so clear. This gal may not be anything like what I described but look back at all the times you've been put in the "friend zone", I bet you will find a pattern similar to what is happening.

Alright my novel is done. I apologize for the length of the post, but I see a lot of similarities between our situations.

Best of luck. Go out and get someone who deserves to be with you.

Huge +1.

Good Gawd, read this, Izulde. It's the straight truth.