[Edward64]

Not really mental health but somewhat related to BLM so thought I would post here anyway and see if you guys have any suggestions.

Have some drama going on right now with a daughter's school friend. Friend is 18 and has graduated from HS, works part-time at local grocery store, planning to go to community college. Wife and I have met friend several times, no problem.

Last night daughter asked if we can put up friend in our house.

Apparently friend and father-stepmom-grandmom had tense exchanges (household has siblings and step-siblings also). Friend is a girl but is transgender and for the past 2 years at least, has been dressing/acting/asked to be referred to as a boy. Wife and I have heard enough to know the family situation isn't all that great. It's not like physical abuse, from what I know dad is a hard working guy with many mouths to feed, I picture him as the typical white, GA conservative type guy. I met the guy once when I (with daughter) picked up friend. I've also texted him to let him know I was picking up friend etc. So he knows of me but we are barely acquaintances.

There's been other incidents resulting in the friend living with grandmom for a short period of time. There has been tension because dad is struggling with friend's gender-identity situation. From what we know, last night came to a head because of something friend said about BLM-cops etc. Apparently an uncle is a cop and dad-stepmom-grandmom didn't appreciate friend's view of uncle & cops.

This situation seems to be a significant escalation because grandmom is pissed off at friend too (whereas previously friend would stay with grandmom). Don't know all the details but you get the idea.

Wife and I told daughter that yes friend can stay with us. We have a finished basement with room and bath but (1) it's going to be a limited time of 7 days (2) after that, if it doesn't get better we'll help friend find an apt, go to Texas where there's another relative, or any other option but we don't really know right now (3) we tell dad we are taking friend in, give contact info, be transparent about this (4) friend has to abide by the typical rules of no smoking, drinking, drugs etc.

Daughter said okay and let friend know. We were thinking we would have to pick friend up last night but daughter told us last night that friend will stay at house for now but things may change tomorrow (e.g. today).

Taking care of friend, giving safe place to stay, helping friend go to Texas isn't the worry. My concern I guess is how to deal with dad.

I could see him taking this wrong re: butting into his business, enabling his kid to do things he disagrees with etc. Or he could see it as someone trying to help, give time for people to calm down etc.

If we go pick up friend today, we plan on taking 2 cars where wife-daughter-friend will leave and if needed, I will stay to talk to dad and let him vent etc.

Any thoughts on how you would approach dad?