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Radii · 02-24-2015, 04:10 PM

Body Scan

I forget if there was an introduction to this by the instructor or not. I already knew what this was, this is the limit/extent of my research into the class prior to it starting, so I knew what the body scan was going in and that it was a key part of week 1 and the week 1 homework.

This is our second mindfulness practice of the day. We all have yoga mats. We spread out a bit and everyone is asked to lie down. I lie flat on my back. I think everyone does. The instructor tells us he is going to guide us through this process, and that it will take about 20 minutes. We first focus on our breathing. Not necessarily breathing in any specific way, just noticing how we are breathing. We are told that if we find ourselves distracted or lose focus during this, that its ok, and that we can aim to guide ourselves back to our breathing for a moment, and then back to wherever the instructor is guiding us. We are instructed to focus on the toes of our left foot. Just notice them, is there any feeling associated with them? Without typing out pages here, we essentially move through every body part, stop for a moment, talk about noticing any sensations or reactions you may have when focusing on an area. It goes like this: Left toes, bottom of left foot, top of left foot, entire foot, ankle, lower leg/calf, knee, upper leg/thigh, across hips/pelvis to right side. Right toes, bottom of right foot... presumably the same pattern here but I didn't hear it (more on that in a moment). Right thigh/upper leg. A brief stop at the "groin area", where I tune back in and want to giggle like a 10 year old. Buttocks (no giggling there, more on that later, srs bsns guyz). Lower back, stomach/belly button area, chest, upper back, neck, head in some breakdown that I don't quite remember, down each arm, shoulders/upper arm/lower arm/hand/fingers.

After moving through each body part with the intention of observing each body part and any reaction we may have, we turn over on a side briefly, I forget why, I think just to make it a slow process of getting up, some people are very relaxed and fall asleep during this. Then up to a seated position, then up and pick up mats and go sit back down to discuss.

My experiences/reactions

This section is why I decided to write the "emotional frame of mind" thing above. I didn't experience anything I haven't experienced before, but holy shit guys. This is more of a "buckle up" section than a "get yer popcorn" section.

-- Breathing - I notice am practicing diaphragmatic breathing. This is a thing I learned in physical therapy. Its something I couldn't do before. I was taught to do it to help calm things, both physically and psychologically (I think at least). I can now do it easily laying on my back, I find it comforting, so I default to it when lying down frequently.

-- Left toes - I feel nothing that I can describe.

-- Bottom of left foot - I feel nothing that I can describe. My mind wanders to the bottom of my right foot.

-- Top of left foot - I feel nothing that I can describe. At this point I feel a mini-crisis. I have an overall sense of being very uncomfortable in my own skin, physically, and in general just never being completely comfortable, ever, in any position - again physically. This sense goes back as far as I can remember. I was the tallest kid in my grade from kindergarten through 8th grade or so. I was awkward. I was 6'4" in the 8th grade (my current height). I have tried to approach this vague feeling of mine with doctors, with my psychologist, with physical therapy. I don't think its a feeling that has an "answer". I have lost over 100 pounds since my highest weight. I have begun to improve lifelong problems caused by poor posture and sitting all the time and being inactive. I cannot describe even the smallest level of progress in this vague sense of "I notice that I am uncomfortable at all times. I am awkward as fuck.". I have a long way to go still. WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM. (** let me point out that I am, to the best of my ability, recalling what I was thinking at the time, not inserting any 'analysis' or missing pieces. This is, I believe, my inner monologue in this moment that was happening. I am actively going through my memory bank, and pondering if this is something that will just never get better).

I notice that I am not crying, but my eyes have welled up a good bit. What the fuck?

-- Left knee - I guess I missed a bit. Of course I am jolted back to the instructor at the mention of the left knee. My left knee HURTS. Today it happens to hurt a lot more than usual. This has been on my mind throughout the day. I have positioned myself in a way that my left knee doesn't hurt right now. I know that when its time to get up, its going to be very bad.

-- Right Toes - I missed a bit. I'm back again. Of course I'm back again. I know what's next.

-- Bottom of Right Foot - I feel a noticible pressure from the ball of my foot against the bottom of my shoe. My heel is on the ground. My foot is sticking straight up. I should not feel this pressure. The ball of my foot is *barely* making contact with my shoe. I check my left foot. I do not feel the same sensation. My left foot feels normal. This does not hurt, in this moment, but the feeling is a LOUD one. It overwhelms my ability to look for sensations for awhile. My mind doesn't wander, but when we get to the right calf, I am still thinking "I don't know, but the ball of my foot is a problem". (** Mentioned in earlier posts, but I hurt myself trying to run too much too soon as a 300 pound guy a couple years ago. This has never fully healed. This specific problem is the catalyst for the second physical therapist I am working with. If I lay off it, its this kind of minor "awareness". I'll notice a mild irritation when I drive... from pressing my right foot into the accelerator. If I try to use it daily there will be a consistently escalating amount of pain that I will feel at all times.)

-- Groin - teehee. Ok, ok, I'm back again. I feel nothing that I can describe. I judge this, and it relaxes me to realize this. Urinary urgency problems remember? Feeling nothing here is really nice, even in a small moment like this.

-- Butt - The instructor specifically mentions noticing if there is tension. Oh buddy you have no idea. I have awareness here like you wouldn't believe. I fully relax, to the best of my capabilities, and I am pleased with myself. (** Google "Pelvic Floor Resting Tone" and "Pelvic Floor Downtraining" if you so desire. This is a big part of pelvic floor physical therapy for me, and is another area where I have been able to find real, measurable progress. I like being able to measure things. I don't mind talking about it, ask if you want, but the pelvic floor stuff gets way TMI pretty quick, and that isn't the purpose of this dynasty, so I don't want to bother the people that don't want to know)

-- Lower Back - minor pain from the position I'm laying in. I have no pillows for support.

-- Stomach - Similar to groin, I go to urinary questions here. Do I feel like I need to pee? Do I feel any irritation? I do not.

-- For the rest of the body scan, my focus wanders. I am mostly listening to the instructor, but I have decided that I am not going to feel anything anywhere. I do go back to focusing on breathing, then back to the specific body part, a few times. But I don't really stay there. My thoughts land on the painful parts of the "vague feelings" I described on the 'emotional mindset' section. I expect this to happen a lot.

-- At the end, we roll over on our side for a moment before sitting up. The pain in my left knee while rolling over is IMMENSE. I knew that was coming.

Body Scan Discussion

After we are all seated again, the instructor asks how many people fell asleep during the body scan. 6 or 7 people raised their hands. Almost 1/3 of the people. They CLEARLY had a different experience. We were invited to share our thoughts on the experience. Someone said that it was extremely relaxing. Someone said that they found that their mind was wandering a lot, but it was still calming. The instructor said that was ok, and goes to the core of mindfulness to talk about how the point isn't to control your thoughts, but to notice them and accept them, but that during this process you can gently guide yourself back to your breathing and to the scan to continue. People pointed out the same thing I noticed, having the realization that you missed the instructor talking about areas of the body entirely.

One person said that she didn't really "have any sort of feeling" about much of it. The instructor said that was ok, and said that he frequently feels no reaction to some areas as well. "What does my left calf feel like? Its just there."

So here's another pointer on social anxiety for me. I am hearing some bits of comments that resemble certain parts of my experience, but my overall feeling is that no one else here had a very clear, strong NEGATIVE experience. If they did, they aren't speaking up either. Similar to orientation and the "why are you here?" question, there has been no mention of pain. I don't want to talk. I don't want these people to look at me, or notice that I am here. But this experience was too strong, and too different to let it go. The NEED for me to say something about this finally overwhelms my desire to remain invisible. I raise my hand and say "I felt that areas of my body that hurt, or are uncomfortable felt very strong, and overwhelmed everything else"

The instructor says that if something causes too much discomfort, to skip it. That there is no need to say "I can handle the pain!" Just move on to the next area. Over time, with practice, some people - not everyone necessarily - will find that they can go back to these trouble areas and be okay with it.

There is a lot of talk about the body scan being an exploration. It doesn't have to be the same every time. One girl mentioned that she doesn't usually lay down like this and she had to resist curling up. The response was to play around with that during the week, see if you observe different things, not to rush to that curled up position every time, but to see what happens if you do something a little differently.

We discuss some tips for the future here (these are included in a handout so I'm copying some word for word):

-- Regardless of what happens (falling asleep, mind wandering, not feeling anything), the important thing is to just do it. Just be aware of your experience as you do, whatever it is.

-- If your mind wanders a lot, note the thoughts and bring your mind gently back. Key points here are not to judge yourself (Why can't i focus?), and to be gentle with yourself.

-- Let go of ideas of success, failure, doing it well/right. This isn't a skill for which you need to strive. The only thing that matters is regular practice, just do it with an attitude of openness and curiosity.

-- Let go of expectations of what the body scan will do for you. Imagine it as a seed you have planted. The more your poke around and interfere, the less it will develop. With the body scan, just give it the right conditions - peace and quiet, regular practice. The more you try to influence what it will do, the less it will do.

-- Try approaching your experience in each moment with the attitude: "Ok, that's just the way things are right now." If you try to fight off unpleasant thoughts, feelings or sensations, the upsetting feelings will only distract you from anything else. Be aware, be non-striving. Be in the moment, accept things as they are.

-- I feel much better after this discussion.

02-24-2015, 04:10 PM	#19
Radii Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2001	Body Scan I forget if there was an introduction to this by the instructor or not. I already knew what this was, this is the limit/extent of my research into the class prior to it starting, so I knew what the body scan was going in and that it was a key part of week 1 and the week 1 homework. This is our second mindfulness practice of the day. We all have yoga mats. We spread out a bit and everyone is asked to lie down. I lie flat on my back. I think everyone does. The instructor tells us he is going to guide us through this process, and that it will take about 20 minutes. We first focus on our breathing. Not necessarily breathing in any specific way, just noticing how we are breathing. We are told that if we find ourselves distracted or lose focus during this, that its ok, and that we can aim to guide ourselves back to our breathing for a moment, and then back to wherever the instructor is guiding us. We are instructed to focus on the toes of our left foot. Just notice them, is there any feeling associated with them? Without typing out pages here, we essentially move through every body part, stop for a moment, talk about noticing any sensations or reactions you may have when focusing on an area. It goes like this: Left toes, bottom of left foot, top of left foot, entire foot, ankle, lower leg/calf, knee, upper leg/thigh, across hips/pelvis to right side. Right toes, bottom of right foot... presumably the same pattern here but I didn't hear it (more on that in a moment). Right thigh/upper leg. A brief stop at the "groin area", where I tune back in and want to giggle like a 10 year old. Buttocks (no giggling there, more on that later, srs bsns guyz). Lower back, stomach/belly button area, chest, upper back, neck, head in some breakdown that I don't quite remember, down each arm, shoulders/upper arm/lower arm/hand/fingers. After moving through each body part with the intention of observing each body part and any reaction we may have, we turn over on a side briefly, I forget why, I think just to make it a slow process of getting up, some people are very relaxed and fall asleep during this. Then up to a seated position, then up and pick up mats and go sit back down to discuss. My experiences/reactions This section is why I decided to write the "emotional frame of mind" thing above. I didn't experience anything I haven't experienced before, but holy shit guys. This is more of a "buckle up" section than a "get yer popcorn" section. -- Breathing - I notice am practicing diaphragmatic breathing. This is a thing I learned in physical therapy. Its something I couldn't do before. I was taught to do it to help calm things, both physically and psychologically (I think at least). I can now do it easily laying on my back, I find it comforting, so I default to it when lying down frequently. -- Left toes - I feel nothing that I can describe. -- Bottom of left foot - I feel nothing that I can describe. My mind wanders to the bottom of my right foot. -- Top of left foot - I feel nothing that I can describe. At this point I feel a mini-crisis. I have an overall sense of being very uncomfortable in my own skin, physically, and in general just never being completely comfortable, ever, in any position - again physically. This sense goes back as far as I can remember. I was the tallest kid in my grade from kindergarten through 8th grade or so. I was awkward. I was 6'4" in the 8th grade (my current height). I have tried to approach this vague feeling of mine with doctors, with my psychologist, with physical therapy. I don't think its a feeling that has an "answer". I have lost over 100 pounds since my highest weight. I have begun to improve lifelong problems caused by poor posture and sitting all the time and being inactive. I cannot describe even the smallest level of progress in this vague sense of "I notice that I am uncomfortable at all times. I am awkward as fuck.". I have a long way to go still. WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM. (** let me point out that I am, to the best of my ability, recalling what I was thinking at the time, not inserting any 'analysis' or missing pieces. This is, I believe, my inner monologue in this moment that was happening. I am actively going through my memory bank, and pondering if this is something that will just never get better). I notice that I am not crying, but my eyes have welled up a good bit. What the fuck? -- Left knee - I guess I missed a bit. Of course I am jolted back to the instructor at the mention of the left knee. My left knee HURTS. Today it happens to hurt a lot more than usual. This has been on my mind throughout the day. I have positioned myself in a way that my left knee doesn't hurt right now. I know that when its time to get up, its going to be very bad. -- Right Toes - I missed a bit. I'm back again. Of course I'm back again. I know what's next. -- Bottom of Right Foot - I feel a noticible pressure from the ball of my foot against the bottom of my shoe. My heel is on the ground. My foot is sticking straight up. I should not feel this pressure. The ball of my foot is barely making contact with my shoe. I check my left foot. I do not feel the same sensation. My left foot feels normal. This does not hurt, in this moment, but the feeling is a LOUD one. It overwhelms my ability to look for sensations for awhile. My mind doesn't wander, but when we get to the right calf, I am still thinking "I don't know, but the ball of my foot is a problem". ( Mentioned in earlier posts, but I hurt myself trying to run too much too soon as a 300 pound guy a couple years ago. This has never fully healed. This specific problem is the catalyst for the second physical therapist I am working with. If I lay off it, its this kind of minor "awareness". I'll notice a mild irritation when I drive... from pressing my right foot into the accelerator. If I try to use it daily there will be a consistently escalating amount of pain that I will feel at all times.) -- Groin - teehee. Ok, ok, I'm back again. I feel nothing that I can describe. I judge this, and it relaxes me to realize this. Urinary urgency problems remember? Feeling nothing here is really nice, even in a small moment like this. -- Butt - The instructor specifically mentions noticing if there is tension. Oh buddy you have no idea. I have awareness here like you wouldn't believe. I fully relax, to the best of my capabilities, and I am pleased with myself. ( Google "Pelvic Floor Resting Tone" and "Pelvic Floor Downtraining" if you so desire. This is a big part of pelvic floor physical therapy for me, and is another area where I have been able to find real, measurable progress. I like being able to measure things. I don't mind talking about it, ask if you want, but the pelvic floor stuff gets way TMI pretty quick, and that isn't the purpose of this dynasty, so I don't want to bother the people that don't want to know) -- Lower Back - minor pain from the position I'm laying in. I have no pillows for support. -- Stomach - Similar to groin, I go to urinary questions here. Do I feel like I need to pee? Do I feel any irritation? I do not. -- For the rest of the body scan, my focus wanders. I am mostly listening to the instructor, but I have decided that I am not going to feel anything anywhere. I do go back to focusing on breathing, then back to the specific body part, a few times. But I don't really stay there. My thoughts land on the painful parts of the "vague feelings" I described on the 'emotional mindset' section. I expect this to happen a lot. -- At the end, we roll over on our side for a moment before sitting up. The pain in my left knee while rolling over is IMMENSE. I knew that was coming. Body Scan Discussion After we are all seated again, the instructor asks how many people fell asleep during the body scan. 6 or 7 people raised their hands. Almost 1/3 of the people. They CLEARLY had a different experience. We were invited to share our thoughts on the experience. Someone said that it was extremely relaxing. Someone said that they found that their mind was wandering a lot, but it was still calming. The instructor said that was ok, and goes to the core of mindfulness to talk about how the point isn't to control your thoughts, but to notice them and accept them, but that during this process you can gently guide yourself back to your breathing and to the scan to continue. People pointed out the same thing I noticed, having the realization that you missed the instructor talking about areas of the body entirely. One person said that she didn't really "have any sort of feeling" about much of it. The instructor said that was ok, and said that he frequently feels no reaction to some areas as well. "What does my left calf feel like? Its just there." So here's another pointer on social anxiety for me. I am hearing some bits of comments that resemble certain parts of my experience, but my overall feeling is that no one else here had a very clear, strong NEGATIVE experience. If they did, they aren't speaking up either. Similar to orientation and the "why are you here?" question, there has been no mention of pain. I don't want to talk. I don't want these people to look at me, or notice that I am here. But this experience was too strong, and too different to let it go. The NEED for me to say something about this finally overwhelms my desire to remain invisible. I raise my hand and say "I felt that areas of my body that hurt, or are uncomfortable felt very strong, and overwhelmed everything else" The instructor says that if something causes too much discomfort, to skip it. That there is no need to say "I can handle the pain!" Just move on to the next area. Over time, with practice, some people - not everyone necessarily - will find that they can go back to these trouble areas and be okay with it. There is a lot of talk about the body scan being an exploration. It doesn't have to be the same every time. One girl mentioned that she doesn't usually lay down like this and she had to resist curling up. The response was to play around with that during the week, see if you observe different things, not to rush to that curled up position every time, but to see what happens if you do something a little differently. We discuss some tips for the future here (these are included in a handout so I'm copying some word for word): -- Regardless of what happens (falling asleep, mind wandering, not feeling anything), the important thing is to just do it. Just be aware of your experience as you do, whatever it is. -- If your mind wanders a lot, note the thoughts and bring your mind gently back. Key points here are not to judge yourself (Why can't i focus?), and to be gentle with yourself. -- Let go of ideas of success, failure, doing it well/right. This isn't a skill for which you need to strive. The only thing that matters is regular practice, just do it with an attitude of openness and curiosity. -- Let go of expectations of what the body scan will do for you. Imagine it as a seed you have planted. The more your poke around and interfere, the less it will develop. With the body scan, just give it the right conditions - peace and quiet, regular practice. The more you try to influence what it will do, the less it will do. -- Try approaching your experience in each moment with the attitude: "Ok, that's just the way things are right now." If you try to fight off unpleasant thoughts, feelings or sensations, the upsetting feelings will only distract you from anything else. Be aware, be non-striving. Be in the moment, accept things as they are. -- I feel much better after this discussion.